"At this point in my life, sinasabi ko talaga sa sarili ko na hindi talaga ako handa, ayaw ko. I don't think na merong tao na darating sa buhay ko now na mapapabago ang pag-iisip ko. Yun lang talaga at wala akong bine-blame na anybody except myself. (At this point in my life, I told myself that I’m not ready, that I can’t. I don’t think there’s anyone who can come into my life and make me change my mind. That’s it, and I don’t blame anyone except myself.)”
The statement came after Kris attended a hearing for her annulment with husband James Yap. The two are reportedly giving each other the silent treatment. “Di ba, nag-hearing ako? 'Wa na naman kami talk ulit! Pero as long na okay sila ni Bimby, labas na ako sa equation na 'yan (So, I had a hearing, right? The two of us [James and I] aren’t talking again! But as long as he and Bimby are on good terms, I’m no longer part of the equation),” Kris says on PEP.ph.
Are you recovering from the aftermath of a bad breakup? If you’re in danger of losing your faith in relationships, check out these five tips to help you heal and prevent you from souring your view of love and relationships.
1. ALLOW YOURSELF TO GRIEVE.
Your decision to never get into a relationship again might be caused by a lack of time to grieve your breakup, so acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to feel sad. Breakups are painful, and you might find yourself wanting to get over them as quickly as possible to minimize your suffering, but grieving is actually an important part of the process of moving on. An article by Dr. Jeanne Segall on HelpGuide.org reminds people to stop fighting their feelings: “It’s normal to have lots of ups and downs, and feel many conflicting emotions, including anger, resentment, sadness, relief, fear, and confusion. It’s important to identify and acknowledge these feelings.”
2. ASK YOURSELF: IF YOU'RE AFRAID TO FALL IN LOVE AGAIN.
Before you write off romantic relationships entirely, ask yourself if you’re doing this because you really want to or because you’re afraid to love again. A lot of people are happy being single, but make sure your decision is a conscious choice and not just an aftereffect of going through a bad breakup. Remind yourself that not all men will be like your ex, and not all relationships will end badly. One way of coping with this fear is to face it. While you don’t have to jump into the dating pool again if you’re not yet ready, try to accept that this is not the end of the road and that something good can still happen in the future.
3. FORGIVE YOURSELF.
While you might find yourself blaming your former partner for making you cautious when it comes to love, eventually there will come a time when you will place at least part of the blame on yourself. This HelpGuide.org article stresses how you shouldn’t beat yourself up over your mistakes. Be honest with yourself and reflect on your situation, but don’t dwell on it. The only way you can make sure you’ll be making good decisions in the future is if you forgive yourself--just make sure not to forget. Acknowledge where you went wrong and then let things go. You will emerge from the breakup with more experience and perspective.
4. TAKE YOUR TIME.
While breakups cause some people to be very cautious, others jump into new relationships too quickly. Avoid turning someone into a “rebound” guy by exercising restraint and patience. If the wounds are too fresh, you might find that your new flame is lacking in certain aspects you once loved in your ex. This might make you think that no man will ever be able to live up to your expectations, which will cause you to feel justified if the new relationship also ends in tears.
5. BE INSPIRED BY STORIES OF REAL WOMEN WHO FOUND LOVE THE SECOND TIME AROUND.
Remember that your breakup is just another valuable experience you’re getting from life. While some relationships fail, not all of them do, and there’s no better way of convincing you of this truth than by looking at women who went through breakups and successfully found love afterward. Yes, relationships can work, and yes, you can be in one of those too. As soon as you adopt a more positive outlook on life and love, you will find yourself feeling better and more ready to face the world.
Want to read more articles about breakups and relationships? Check the following out on FN:
- Jennylyn’s Manager: “Jen needs time alone” + 10 Things to Do While Recovering from a Breakup
- 5 Tips on Moving on from a Difficult Relationship from Ruffa Gutierrez
- Nikki Valdez reveals her marriage has fallen apart + The First 5 Steps to Take If This Happens to You
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(Photo courtesy of PEP.ph)
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