In the press conference for new TV-5 primetime series Mga Nagbabagang Bulaklak, Ruffa Gutierrez reminds women to stand up for themselves when they experience cheating or abuse in their relationships. In the series, her character, Orchidia, gets cheated on by her husband, Mr. A (Richard Gomez), who has affairs with all the new girls at their talent agency. “Kasi ang pambababae pwede mong patawarin once, twice, okay, pero third time, hindi na. Yung self-dignity mo, pagmamahal mo sa sarili mo, di mo kayang bigyan ng isa pang chance yun eh (You can forgive cheating once, twice, but never a third time. If you want to preserve your self-dignity and your love for yourself, you can’t give him another chance),” she is quoted as saying on Yahoo! Philippines. “Gaya ng pagpapalaki sa akin ng parents ko, hindi naman ganun. (My parents didn’t bring me up to be like that.) But I had affairs wherein yes, may ibang babae, and I make sure na alam nila na hindi ako kayang tapak-tapakan. Hindi na uso ang martyr ngayon. (But there were instances where there were other women, and I made sure they knew they couldn’t just step all over me. Martyrdom isn’t the trend anymore.)”
Ruffa's estranged husband is Yilmaz Bektas, who allegedly abused her during their marriage. After undergoing such hardships in her relationship, how does Ruffa cope now that it’s over? Are you also trying to move forward after a difficult relationship, FNites? Read on for 5 tips on moving on from Ruffa Gutierrez.
1. START THINKING OF YOURSELF AS AN INDIVIDUAL AND NOT HALF OF A PARTNERSHIP.
Ruffa reveals how, over time, what Yilmaz did ceased to matter to her. Instead, she focused on what she could do for their children by herself. "Si Yilmaz, hindi siya importante para sa akin dahil, first of all, hindi siya dapat mag-react dahil hindi niya naman ako sinusuportahan (He’s not important to me. He doesn’t have a right to react because he doesn’t support me),” she is quoted as saying on Yahoo! Philippines when asked about Yilmaz’s mood swings. “I support myself, and I support my kids, so if he was giving me everything that I need, okay, then I'll sit down and be quiet. So hindi ko na lang pinapansin yung mga messages niya. (So I just don’t mind his messages.)”
2. EXPLAIN WHAT YOU’RE GOING THROUGH TO YOUR KIDS.
In the end, your children are just as affected by your situation as you are. Focus on making things as easy for them as possible. Help them understand what’s going on by explaining the situation yourself. For Ruffa, kids Lorin and Venice’s welfare is what’s most important. “So, little by little, I think at their age, six and seven years old, kailangan ko na i-explain sa kanila ang sitwasyon namin (I need to explain our situation to them),” she says. “Dahil, si Lorin, mahilig yang magpunta sa library, very smart at binabasa niya lahat ng mga diyaryo, so kailangan malaman niya kahit papaano sa akin kesa naman malaman niya pa sa iba. (Lorin loves going to the library. She’s smart, and she reads newspapers, so she at least needs to know about it from me rather than someone else.)”
3. LEARN TO ACCEPT THAT NOT ALL RELATIONSHIPS WORK OUT FOR THE BEST.
Sometimes, despite putting in your best effort, your relationship can still fail, but Ruffa says there’s nothing wrong with this. The success of a relationship involves a lot of factors, including the right timing. "Alam mo, iba-ibang level ng pagmamahal. Minsan kasi, nagmamahal tayo sa isang tao na we have the right love at the wrong time (There are different levels of loving. Sometimes, when we love someone, we have the right love at the wrong time),” she explains to PEP.ph.
"Si Yilmaz, right love, right time, pero may mga problema kaming hindi namin naiwasang ayusin. Yung iba naman diyan, nagmamahal ka, pero wrong timing. Marami kayong problema. Hindi puwedeng ilabas ang aming damdamin. So, wrong timing, huwag na nating pilitin, di ba? (Yilmaz was the right love at the right time, but we had problems that we just couldn’t fix. Sometimes, there’s love, but the timing is wrong. Problems pile up, and you can't tell the world how you feel. So if the timing is wrong, don’t push it, right?)"
4. LOOK FORWARD TO THE FUTURE, EVEN IF IT'S SPENT WITHOUT A PARTNER BY YOUR SIDE.
Take this as an opportunity to get your life back on track and follow the dreams you’ve always wanted to pursue. Ruffa herself is proud to be an independent career woman. “Para sa amin kasi ang [work ethic] sa pamilya namin kailangan magsikap talaga kami, and we have to make our own money, hindi lang iaasa sa isang lalaki or kung kanino man ang kabuhayan namin. (For our family, work ethic is important. We really make it a point to work hard to make our own money. We don’t just rely on a man or someone else for our livelihood.) Para sa’kin, it's more empowering as a woman to be able to work, to be able to do whatever I want and to be successful as a woman.”
5. DON’T LET PAST RELATIONSHIPS SOUR YOU ON FUTURE ONES.
Although moving on is a process that takes time, this doesn’t mean you should close your doors to love completely. Learn from your experiences in your past relationships, but don’t be afraid to love again. Take Ruffa, who says she’s waiting for the day she’ll meet her true love. “Kasi, for me, the best kind of love is the one approved by God. Kasi, it will happen at the right time. Like I've said before, ang greatest love ko ay si Yilmaz. But I know, someday, my forever love will come. Hindi ko pa lang siya nahahanap. (I just haven’t found him yet.)”
(Photo courtesy of PEP.ph)
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