Actress Nikki Valdez tearfully revealed that she and husband Christopher Lina have separated during the December 3 press conference for Ang Tanging Ina Mo (Last Na 'To), PEP.ph reports. The couple got married in 2007 and left the Philippines to live in Canada, where Nikki gave birth to their daughter, Olivia, now two years old. “Ngayon ko lang din naman ito masasabi sa lahat ng tao. My husband and I, we had our differences,” she is quoted as saying on ABS-CBNNews.com. “Magpakatotoo na lang tayo, ang daming nagtatanong gusto ko lang maging honest. Hindi ko naman tinatago, it's just that kasi ang hirap ng [sitwasyon], may anak kami. Gusto ko lang pong sabihin na hindi kami legally separated but estranged kami.”Nikki and Chris started out with a long-distance relationship, and the actress says it was only when they were living together as a married couple that she realized a lot of things about her husband. "We made the effort dati to see each other. Every two months, pupunta siya dito. Tapos, ako naman, pupunta doon [Canada] after two months to bond lang,” she explained to PEP.ph. “I guess, finally, noong nagsama kami, doon namin nakita na ang dami pang kailangan i-work out.”
Nikki refused to divulge any more details, but she said she eventually acknowledged that the marriage couldn’t be fixed. Whether or not she will file for annulment with Chris still remains to be seen, as they have yet to sit down and talk. “Sabi nila mas mahirap maghiwalay kaysa magpakasal kasi it takes a lot preparation given na, financially, you're going to spend,” she said. “Pangalawa, ‘yong emotions mo. You have to be ready na ito ba talaga ang gusto ninyong dalawa.”
Many unhappy wives all over the world can relate to Nikki's plight. “Ngayon ko lang naiintidihan yung dumaan sa lahat ng situation na ganito,” she acknowledged. “Akala ko it was so easy to hide it forever. Pero hindi. Kailangan lang maging strong."
As the old saying goes, though, “Ang kasal ay 'di tulad ng kaning isusubo, na iluluwa 'pag napaso.” If you and your hubby want your marriage to work, you both have to be committed to it. There comes a point when enough is enough, however, and when that happens, the best thing to do is to acknowledge it no matter how much it hurts. If you have trouble coping with a difficult marriage, check out these five tips for living an independent life.
1. FIND A SOURCE OF INCOME
Should your marriage end, your spouse's responsibilities do not, especially if you have children. If he doesn't follow through with his obligations, though, you'll find yourself in a financial bind. The picture gets even more complicated if you plan on having your marriage annulled since this process is lengthy and can become expensive. Getting back into the workforce is an ideal way of killing two birds with one stone. It will help you re-adjust to living independently as well as give you the means to provide for your children.
2. ACCESS YOUR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT SYSTEM
Surviving a failed marriage is hard, and you can’t do it alone. Now is the time to seek out your closest confidantes and actively refuse to let yourself plunge into a hole of loneliness and despair. Surround yourself with your friends and family—all the people who love you—and let them give you the comfort and advice you need to get up again. A warm hug and a shoulder to cry on can make a world of difference.
3. YOURS, MINE, OURS
Before you end your marriage, determine which faults were yours, his, or shared by you both. By this, we don’t mean playing the blame game or having one last heated fight. Instead, calmly lay all your cards on the table and make sure he does the same thing. Acknowledge each other's limitations (that means you need to admit your mistakes too!) and try to forgive each other. And this isn't only for the bad stuff—remember your strong points and his too! This helps to clear the air between the two of you and sets the tone for your future encounters, which you will have eventually especially if you have children together.
4. GET SOME PHYSICAL DISTANCE AS WELL AS EMOTIONAL DISTANCE
Letting go is difficult. Even though you may have decided to end it, the time and love you shared aren’t things that can be easily forgotten. In order to adjust, you’ll have to harden your heart a little. In line with this, prepare yourself for the possibility of moving out. “Out of sight, out of mind,” they say, and the farther you are from the source of your turmoil, the easier it will be to reflect and put things into perspective. Think of it this way: marriage is a promise you've both failed to keep, and if you stay in a place that constantly reminds you of this failure, the road to recovery may become even longer.
5. TALK IT THROUGH
When everything in your marriage is going wrong, sometimes it’s hard to tell others about it. Especially in a culture like ours, the idea of martyrdom and keeping your relationship perfect (at least outwardly) are two things that are instilled into females. Be true to yourself and share your feelings—of anger and hurt, but also of relief and nostalgia. Only then will you be able to acknowledge that it's over and move on. Share the burden by telling your best friend, your mom, your sister—anyone who is 100 percent on your side. Put it all out in the open so you can let go of it more easily.
(Photo courtesy of PEP.ph)
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