Here are some of the most common unproductive beliefs people sometimes have about love and marriage - and the mindsets you can adopt now to create your own real happily ever afters.
1. A HUSBAND OR BOYFRIEND WILL MAKE ME HAPPY.
Although most women may say that they don't need a romantic relationship, the truth is that so many singles secretly feel lonely and incomplete when they're not part of a couple. Now, loneliness is not a bad thing; we all feel lonely sometimes. But believing that a partner or other material things can make up for the loneliness is dangerous.
Real Happily Ever After Mindset: A relationship doesn't make you happy, you make yourself happy, and happy people make happier relationship.
Relationships aren't magical things that take your problems away, they simply magnify who you already are. So the next time you see a happy couple and wonder why they have it so easy and you don’t, remember that any happy relationship starts with a decision to become happy first.
2. RELATIONSHIPS ARE EASILY REPLACED.
Relationships take work. They evolve and have the power to change you and your partner. And as these changes take place, they also affect your relationship.
Real Happily Ever After Mindset: Diane Sollee, founder and director of the Coalition for Marriage, Family, and Couples Education says, "A marriage isn't supposed to make you happy and satisfied; it's your job to make your marriage happy and satisfying."
A good relationship isn't something you talk about or dream about; it's something you have to work for. Most of the time you have to swallow your pride, try out techniques you’ve learned, initiate closeness, improve your communication, and be more loving.
(Important Note: Please bear in mind that we're not talking about dysfunctional or abusive relationships here. We're talking about the majority of marriages and relationships where love seems to get overshadowed by the stresses of daily life.)
3. ONCE THE LOVE IS GONE, THERE’S NO HOPE OF GETTING IT BACK
In the case of couples who are have relationship problems, the love never really disappears. Usually it just gets buried under layers of resentment, unmet and unexpressed expectations, and too much pride to do anything about it.
Think about it this way: your husband tells you his ex-girlfriend--the one he almost married--will be working with him closely every day as a partner from now on. You know that they had a really bad break up and haven't heard from each other in years, but now they think they can work civilly together. Are you comfortable with this arrangement?
Of course you’re not. Because you know that if your husband loved her enough to almost marry her, then it's very likely that those feelings will be reignited when they start working together. If love between exes can be rekindled, then it makes sense that the same thing can happen with someone you commit your whole life to Remember, the love is still there, all you have to do is work together and find it.
Real Happily Ever After Mindset: A relationship will either evolve or stagnate.
Couples don’t grow apart just because. The sad fact is that they allowed themselves to grow apart, thinking that the relationship can take care of itself. We all know that we need to invest time and effort into everything else that's worthwhile in life--education, career, and business--the same thing applies (and goes double) for a lifelong relationship.
Because isn't a love that lasts one of the most worthwhile things of all?
Read the other articles in FN's Relationships 101 series:
- Relationships 101: Can real and lasting love still happen?
- Relationships 101: What kind of relationship are you in?
- Relationships 101: Men and Women--Different But Complementary
- Relationships 101: How to Communicate Effective as a Couple
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(Photo by pedrosimoes7 via Flickr Creative Commons)
Aileen Santos is an internationally Certified Coach with a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology, and has been featured in the Philippine editions of Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping.
She is also the author of Seduction Secrets That Really Work! (A Novel), an ebook that follows the transformation of Celine Anne Sison from shy-and-lonely call center agent into an engaging man magnet.
Download a sample chapter now by clicking here.
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