How many times have you been in a relationship you thought would last, only to be severely disappointed? It’s not easy to have found “The One” only to discover in the end that you’ve got the wrong person. Relationships can be very unpredictable, and somehow, you always find yourself getting the short end of the stick: but before you think that destiny is playing tricks on you, maybe you should first take a look at how you actually approach love.

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Sure, there are times when things are beyond your control (such as when you’re fooled into getting entangled with a cheater) but sometimes the problems can also stem from how you handle things. According to a Psychology Today article by Marty Nemko Ph.D., it’s important to ask yourself if your actions are actually causing you to be “unlucky” in romance. Guided by his list of questions, here are several reasons why you may be having relationship issues:

You don’t listen to your intuition.

Sometimes, a person you like will display signs that he’s not the perfect fit for you. He may show a certain attitude you don’t like, or a habit that drives you insane; things that you often choose to ignore or forgive early on. But remember that small things can build up overtime—some can even be downright abusive—so save yourself the trouble of going through an emotional rollercoaster by reading the red flags and listening to your inner voice.

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You believe you can fix a person.

If you think your love can change a person, then you’re in for a rude awakening. Getting together with someone with many issues just because you think that you can “fix” him isn’t likely to give you a happy ending. Relationships only become successful if two people work on it: if you’re the only one rowing the boat, then you won’t get anywhere. Remember that change is something that a person should decide by himself, and unless your beau realizes that he needs to fix his life, then no one—not even you—can make him do so.

You make it all about you.

Ask yourself, who adjusts more in the relationship, and who demands more adjustments from the other party? Do you unwittingly consider your needs to be more important than your partner’s? Relationships are about compromise, which can range from going Dutch during dates to taking your partner’s input in consideration when planning something life-changing. If you always put your needs before his, then it could be why things aren’t working out so well for you.

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You expect a person to match the impossible ideal in your head.

We all have standards, but sometimes, you wrongly expect someone to be the person you imagine in your head so when he doesn’t meet your expectations, you become frustrated. If this is the case, then you’re not dating a real person, but a vague collage of someone you deem to be ideal. Learn to plant your feet on the ground and realize that love means accepting the entirety of a person, imperfections and all.

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