Author Topic: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?  (Read 1436 times)

Awesomecakes

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Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« on: March 11, 2019, 06:42:55 pm »
Hi sissies. Just wanted to get your thoughts. It's been more than a year since I found out about my husband's infidelity. I must admit, there are days that I still think about it but I try not to bring it up since it would only end up with an argument. But there are days that I feel like the pain's still here and he makes me feel I don't have the right to be hurt since it's part of the past.

To be fair with him, he was very eager to regain my trust. He chose us.  He asked for forgiveness. He promised that he'll do everything and anything to make our marriage work. But now, I can't help but think is it just because that I was pregnant when I found out about it and too weak to handle the situation? Why do I feel like what he did to win me back is not enough? But for him, he has done everything and it's just me who can't move on?

A part of me still wants to fix our marriage. But I feel so lost now and I don't know myself anymore. I don't know where to start. We're still living together, staying in one bed but I don't feel loved anymore. We've been sexless for months now. I can even count on my one hand the number of times we did it in the last year. I tried to bring it up but he said we're just too busy and tired. I just feel like he's totally lost his interest and he's no longer attracted to me.

No one knows about how I feel right now and what happened in the past even my family and closest friends. I decided to keep it to protect him and our family.  I feel so alone. :(

What should I do?

iceheaven31

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #1 on: March 12, 2019, 10:31:10 am »
Have you undergone marriage counselling? Minsan, hindi kayang kayong dalawa lang ang magresolba ng ganitong problema. Baka may mga bagay pa na hindi niyo maidentify that needs more fixing.

And also, take one day at a time. Probably a year is not yet enough. Do not rush yourself.

nerddict

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2019, 10:50:02 am »
^Hays. Hugs sis. Please do not be afraid mag-open up sa mga closest and trusted friends mo. It will help, trust me. Plus prayers. Kapit lang kay Lord. Learn to lift things to the Lord para yung burden na nararamdaman mo, gumaan kahit papaano.

I know people na kahit isang dekada na ang incident of fidelity, hindi pa din nakakalimutan yung nangyari. It takes time talaga. Everyday you need to make a choice. Pero isaalang-alang mo din ang sarili mo sa pagpili mo sis.

NinaSarah

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2019, 07:26:47 pm »
my story sa loob ng 22 years namin..
tinago ko lang lahat to the point nagkasakit ako. depression, panic attack, anxiety. cycle lang. mahuli.. babalik.. patawarin.. uulit ulit..
now pagod na rin ako.. i am now 45yo. planning to leave him na this year.

payo ko lang, if d na masaya, if wala ng tiwala, maghiwalay na lang..

lilu

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #4 on: March 14, 2019, 11:06:15 am »
Hi sis, kailangan magpakatatag ka if you decide to stay. Masyadong long process ang pag recover after infidelity. Lalo na't hindi mo nakikitaan ng effort ang lalaki to make it up to you. Minsan nagsasama lang kayo for the sake of the kids, or minsan dependent ang wife because no work, no income to start, and lastly hindi nya alam kung saan sya pupulitin. Actually, Ive been there before pero may mga dahilan din ako kung bakit di ako umalis. Ang laki kasi ng i-ninvest kong panahon to build our family... sacrificing time, career etc.. Tapos hahayaan kong masira lang pinaghirapan kong mabuo? No, hindi ako sumuko.

Parang nagdaan sa butas ng karayom yung husband ko to gain my trust. Ilang years din yun. Napatawad ko din naman sya and he promised to fix things and patch it up. Nag adjust din ako sa mga pagkukulang ko, nag ayus-ayos ako. And alam mo sis sa sobrang over thinker ko, naiisip ko mga mangyayari once I choose to stay or leave. Madami nakong scenario na naisip pero mas maganda kung nag stay ako. Mas maganda din kumausap ng kaibigan. One or two will do just to keep you sane. Kailangan mo ng kausap sis. Kasi sila din yung magbibigay sayo ng consequences kung ginawa mo ito, ganyan... keep yourself busy or pamper youself din, at syempre magpakatatag ka.
 


bwiset12

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #5 on: March 16, 2019, 12:47:38 am »
Saktong napa gt ako at maghahanap talaga ko ng ganitong topic.
Almost 6 years na din ang nakakalipas ng malagpasan ko ang isa sa malaking trial na nangyari sa buhay ko. Yun ay nung nangaliwa si partner. Pinatawad ko naman na sya. Maayos naman kami. Pero mahirap makalimot. LDR kami. LDR din kami nung nangyari yun at buntis ako sa bunso namin nung naganap yun.
After 1 year ng affair nagbalik loob. Tinanggap ko naman, yun lang naanakan nya yung kabit nya.
Siguro kaya din di ako maka get over, kasi nagkaron ng bunga. Hanggang ngayon parating naiisip ko pa din mga ginawa nya. Pero sinasarili ko na lang. Bihirang bihira ako mag open sa kanya kasi nga naman para sa kanya tapos naman na yun. Himala na lang siguro kung  makakalimutan ko pa yun. Grabe lang talaga ang epekto. Mahirap na din talagang magtiwala pa.

shelly ohhh!!

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2019, 02:03:59 pm »
Joining.. :) Hi mga Sis, ako super fresh pa. Kahapon ko lang nalaman na nagloloko na naman asawa ko. The girl confess me. Hindi lang ito yung unang beses na ginawa nya.

mizizlim

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #7 on: March 29, 2019, 04:03:39 pm »
joining. :(

it?s been 2 years for me. ok naman kami, still together. but there are times talaga na hindi maiwasan maisip pa din yung pangyayari na yun. sa totoo lang, i am still lost and sad. alam ko nararamdaman yun ni hubby. nagtatry naman sya pero i think nasa akin na din ang problema minsan. i feel din na nagsasawa na sya sa pagpapasensya sakin pero di talaga ako maka get over.

lagi ko na lang talaga ipinagdadasal na paggising ko sa umaga ok na ako.
think COUNTRY!

three8one

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2019, 03:40:34 pm »
^ don't cry ma'am. be strong and courageous dapat, para harapin yan trials ninyo sa buhay. sabi mo nga nag sisikap naman si hubs mo.. don't despair, keep on praying until something good happen.  :)
.... apart from You i can do nothing.... but with God nothing is impossible...therefore, I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.
 
John 15:5
Matthew 19:26
Philippians 4:13

gracita13

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #9 on: April 16, 2019, 03:14:18 pm »
Hi sis Awesomecakes! it's been almost 5years nung naranasan ko yan. Hindi madali,imagine halos 1year kameng hindi nag uusap kasi pag nag usap kame mauuwi lang sa away. Sa 1year namen na hindi nag uusap inayos ko yung relationship ko ke God and have a personal relationship with Jesus.Kung hindi ko naintindihan yung forgiveness na binigay saken ni God hindi ko kaya on my own patawarin ang husband ko, i fell out of love sa sobrang sakit cause ng infidelity and Praise God, He restored our marriage!
Sis, gusto ko lang i-share yung sinabe nung napanood ko about forgiveness.
" Forgiveness is not a one time, big time thing... Forgiveness is a choice and everytime you feel the pain, choose to forgive again, and again and again."

Receive God's forgiveness so you can forgive others, Sis. You cannot give what you don' t have.

I'll pray for you.
You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it. John 14:14

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preciousjulia

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #10 on: April 17, 2019, 01:58:34 pm »
Ang hindi ko maintindihan sa mga lalaki na yan bakit sila nagagalit if may mga times na nagbabalik yung doubts natin sa kanila.
Sino ba gustong masira ang tiwala?
Sino ba ang gustong masaktan?
Pagkatapos nila mag sorry gusto nila ok na?
Yung iba nga sa kanila kung hindi pa nahuli hindi naman kusang titigil sa ginagawa..
Ang gusto lang naman natin minsan ay assurance lang ulit...
Kahit simpleng salita o yakap lang diba..hindi yung sasabayan pa tayo at mag gagalit galitan din.
Oo tinanggap at pinatawad ulit sila, pero hindi naman yun as easy as one to three,
Babalik at babalik ulit tayo minsan dun sa araw na nasaktan tayo at babalik yung mga tanong sa isip natin at dun natin sila higit na kailangan.
Yung husband ko nga sabi ko sa kanya kung hindi nya kayang tagalan yung drama ko tuwing naaalala ko yung ginawa nya, dalawa lang yun... Una, hindi nya dapat ginawa yun in the first place dahil alam nyang mali or second, just leave..and buti naman wala sa choice nya ang leave :D
At dahil nga nagawa nya yun he needs to make an effort na i-assured ako everytime I feel down and emotional tuwing naaalala ko yun..at dahil nakikita at feel ko naman effort at sincerity nya ginagawa ko naman din yung part ko as his wife and to make our marriage work also.
Mahirap gawin yun sa ating mga wife kung yung mga partner natin hindi naman binibigay yung assurance na kailangan natin.
"Admire someone else's beauty without questioning your own"  - Unknown

three8one

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #11 on: April 17, 2019, 03:31:33 pm »
Yung husband ko nga sabi ko sa kanya kung hindi nya kayang tagalan yung drama ko tuwing naaalala ko yung ginawa nya, dalawa lang yun... Una, hindi nya dapat ginawa yun in the first place dahil alam nyang mali or second, just leave..and buti naman wala sa choice nya ang leave :D

pero dapat ma'am hindi rin nagbibigay ng option mga babae na "leave" sa mga lalake kung ayaw din ni babae talaga na umalis si husband/partner. minsan or madalas patola mga lalake o kaya yun lang yung hinihintay na que para gawin ng mga guys yun. baka sa huli mabaliktad na pangyayari, mga babae na may kasalanan, pag gumulo na ng husto ang sitwasyon. hehe!

just my 2 cents.  ;D
.... apart from You i can do nothing.... but with God nothing is impossible...therefore, I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.
 
John 15:5
Matthew 19:26
Philippians 4:13

preciousjulia

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #12 on: April 17, 2019, 03:49:48 pm »
^ For me lang ha..kung patola at mag leave sya it only proves na kaya nya ginawa na ibreak yung trust ko kasi hindi ako mahalaga sa kanya. Eh di tapos agad ang usapan, hindi yung sorry kunwari para lang wala ng pag awayan tapos pag naalala ni wife yung nangyari sya pa galit. Hindi ko naman sasabihin yun kung hindi ko mean. Tahimik akong tao pero once na nagsalita ako pinag-aralan ko muna yung sasabihin ko at actions ko. Natuwa lang ako kasi inako nya talaga yung responsibility na ayusin, pinaramdam nya sakin sincere sya to work things out between us ;)
"Admire someone else's beauty without questioning your own"  - Unknown

three8one

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #13 on: April 17, 2019, 06:02:11 pm »
^ okay ma'am. buti na lang mahalaga at love na love kayo ng husband mo.  :)

Salamat sa pag share ng opinion mo.  :)
.... apart from You i can do nothing.... but with God nothing is impossible...therefore, I can do all things through Him who gives me strength.
 
John 15:5
Matthew 19:26
Philippians 4:13

naizlabonita

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Re: Recovering from infidelity: How did you do it?
« Reply #14 on: April 17, 2019, 11:30:05 pm »
You can do it sis..its been 2 years mula nun nalaman ko yung sa partner ko and honestly wala na hehe..wala na kong pakiramdam nakalimutan ko na..well di ko nalimutan pero parang time will help you heal talaga.. basta wag nyo na pag usapan lalo kung pinili ninyong magsama pa din at iwork out ang things.. it works.. pero dun sa mga hinde na talaga kinaya e ganun talaga eh..nag give up na..anyways..sa part ko napaka laking tulong nung nagtry ako magdivert ng attention ko.. di ako pala make up nuon pero now natuto ako parang dun ako nag focus imbes na isipin ko yung mga problema ko sakanya nag make up make up ako hehe..ending may mga nagkagustu pa sakin so nagagalit partner ko..parang atleast nafeel nya din yung nafeel ko nuon hehe basta I suggest you find new things to do and wag isipin yung negative although di yan maiiwasan pero itry mo iminimize
Protect your heart and mind from the ugliness that does not belong to you

 


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