20111026-the-relationship-coachMs. Aileen,

I would like to ask something about your comment in your past article, "How Can I Make Her Want Me Too?"

But first, let me tell something about myself. I am 23 years old, and I have been in my first relationship for almost three months. My boyfriend is 25; I'm his fourth girlfriend. He's hardworking, has stable job, and is responsible. My first question is, I would like to know if he is serious about me since he mentioned that I wasn't his first priority. He said before that his career was his first, second was his family, and I was his third. And second, can I consider that he is already in the fourth stage of readiness because he once said that nakikita niya na magkasama kaming tatanda (he sees us growing old together)?

I look forward to your reply. Thanks for sharing your knowledge with us. I've learned a lot from you.

Thank you. God bless.


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A tip from the Relationship Coach: Don't try to read his mind or pin your hopes on something he said. His actions will tell you what you need to know.

Dear Barbie:

First of all, thanks for sharing that your boyfriend is hardworking and responsible; a lot of women out there need to hear that guys like him exist. Also, congratulations on trying to learn what you can do to grow a healthier relationship and for applying the tips from my articles in your own life.

About your first question, your boyfriend’s decisiveness is seen through actions he does consistently, so be observant. And not just in situations that concern your relationship, but the other aspects of his life as well.

Meanwhile, about not being his first priority, the question here is how you feel about it. Some women will be okay with this situation and build a great relationship with their partner out of it. Others might find that they need to be higher up on their guy's list of priorities, so it's better for them to work things out, find a compromise, or choose a different path from their partner's.

And as for your second question: The only way you can know if he’s ready is by talking to him--after all, you two are the ones in the relationship--and focus more on the pattern of the things he does rather than obssess over something he said.

One final thing though, Barbie--since this didn’t come out in any of your questions--I’m actually wondering if you are decided about him. Throughout your letter, you’ve been so focused on the things he’s been saying, doing, and thinking and not paying enough attention to how you feel about him.

Barbie, I hope you think about this as you consider making major decisions in your relationship.

Ask yourself if you are ready to receive love from someone without feeling like you have to love him in return. And when you know that you can, ask yourself if you truly love your boyfriend--and not just in love with the idea that someone loves you.

Tell me how it goes.

*All names and some details have been changed.

(Photo by Victotiia Z via Flickr Creative Commons; photo used for illustrative purposes only)


Grab the chance to work with Coach Aileen in person during her exclusive relationship workshops. Visit this site for a list of her available sessions, and arrange a schedule with Iya Santiago at 0915-9108991 today.

Get In Touch With Aileen Santos, The Relationship Coach:

Find me on Facebook or email your questions, situations, and success stories to TheRelationshipCoach[at]FemaleNetwork.Com.

I'm sorry I can't respond to your email personally, but I will absolutely read your letter. I would also love to answer your questions in detail in this column (and maybe even in articles & books) so that we can both help many other women who might be in the same situation. Please do let me know, though, if you just want me to read your letter and not answer it here; otherwise I'll change the names and some details and go for it.

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DISCLAIMER: The material contained in this column is an expression of opinion and is not to be construed as legal, medical or professional advice. This material may only to be used for personal entertainment purposes.

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