I've always been in love with the concept of being in love. I often imagine myself as the princess waiting for her knight in shining armor to come and save her. However, I've experienced heartbreak and sorrow.

After having had my heart broken twice, I said to myself that the third guy would be the one for me. I'd been single for quite some time and while I had dated several guys in the past, I was also so picky. I am the type of girl who gives her all when in love, so I wanted to have my perfect man. My very own Brad Pitt of Troy or Tom Cruise of Vanilla Sky. It took me four years to find what I was looking for in a man. And I can still remember the first day I met my third boyfriend.

It was October of 2012. I fell in love with him from the moment I saw him. I fell in love with his eyes that spoke more than words, with his smile that made my heart melt, and with him for being mysterious and a man of few words. Everything felt perfect, time stopped for a while, and I felt my heart tremble. We became best friends for years. 
We could read each other's thoughts and we could even finish each other's sentences. I knew I would always love him even if he didn't know it then and even if I were just a friend to him. I never thought that things would change. 

When he finally got the courage to admit that he loved me more than a friend, I was the happiest girl. I thought I had finally found my The One after all the heartaches I had been through in life. We were so in love with each other, cheesiness and sweetness overload. We were a picture of two people who were madly in love with each other. I knew he loved me, I could feel the love and sincerity in all aspects. And when he stared at me, I would be lost in his eyes. He has one of the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. It was a magical year for me, for us. He became my partner in all aspects and what we had was something that we could call forever. 

He was my best friend, my soul mate, and my partner. We believed in growing old together; we had plans of settling down, our dream wedding and our dream house. We were planning for our future. He was really the man that I had been waiting for. Everything seemed so perfect and right, and I became dependent on him, even my happiness was based on him. I controlled him to be the man that I wanted him to be. And I never did I think that I would lose him little by little. 

One day, he told me he wanted to end our relationship, the one thing no girl in love would ever want to hear. It was the most painful breakup for me. He was the man that I loved so deeply. And no matter how hard I chased after him, I still lost him.

I called him but he wouldn't pick up. I spoke to him but he wouldn't respond. I missed him but he pushed me away and I loved him but he stopped loving me. 

It breaks me into pieces that the man that I waited for and the man that I loved all along was gone. I've been going through the stages of denial, depression, anger, bargaining and acceptance. I hate the way he hated me. I hate the way he ignored me. I hate the way he pushed me away, and I hate the way he stopped loving me. But most importantly, I hate the way I don’t hate him. Not even close, not even a little bit. He'll always be a special part of my heart. Not all people can have second chances in life. It hurts, but sometimes, no matter how hard we push for it, there's nothing we can do. No one is perfect, everyone has flaws but what matters most is the courage to admit them and the urge to make things right. 

Loving is good but loving too much can be bad. You must really love yourself first. Only then will you know what love really means, when you can love someone. Every failed relationship depends on two people, on how they handle and resolve issues together. I believe he's already happy now and I'm happy for him, too. The full healing will take some time and what is important is to never lose hope and never stop dreaming. Life teaches us a lesson in the most unexpected ways. Sometimes, we have to experience pain, so we can make things right even if, in the process, it tears us apart. Our The One is still out there, waiting for us to fully recover, so we can love them whole. God doesn't do things just for nothing. He always has a purpose when He takes something or someone away from us, and I believe that the best things are yet to come. 

-Koreanah

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*Minor edits have been made by the Femalenetwork.com editors 

PHOTO: Pixabay

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