possesive_boyfriend_inside_1.jpgIt starts out innocently enough. You get into a relationship with a guy who starts off being sweet and just on the endearing side of protective. He sends you text messages asking you how your day is going or if you’re meeting up with friends after work. But pretty soon those texts devolve into warnings that you shouldn’t wear certain types of clothes or even single out a friend whom you are all of a sudden not allowed to go out with.

How do you deal with a possessive boyfriend who’s always asking about where you’re going, checking out what you’re wearing, and is just plain controlling, all the while claiming it’s because he cares about you? It may take a little bit of work, but curbing you’re guy’s green-eyed monster is possible.  Here are some suggestions.


1. INTRODUCE HIM TO YOUR FRIENDS.

His being jealous of your other friends--even female ones--may actually be a way of covering up his feelings of being an outsider in a tightly knit barkada. Things like private jokes or stories about a shared past may make him feel left out.  Introducing him to your friends and slowly involving him in your group’s activities will make him feel less like an intruder. And while he or your friends may feel uncomfortable at first, be patient; everything will settle down, and everyone will get used to each other’s company.



2. LET YOUR MALE BUDDIES GET TO KNOW HIM.

The universe is no longer set up as boys vs. girls. Your closest friend may be a guy you’ve known since kindergarten.  There’s a special dynamic between friends of the opposite sex—guy pals may tend to be more protective of their female friends and vice versa. Introducing a new guy into the fold may cause friction, so tell your male buddies to ease up on the “big brother” act and encourage them to get to know your guy. Ask your guy to put down whatever barriers he may have and do the same thing as well. This is a great way to gauge the posers among your guy friends—the ones just pretending to be your friends to get into your pants—from the real deal.


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(Photo by pedrosimoes7 via Flickr Creative Commons)
 

possesive_boyfriend_inside_2.jpg3. ASSURE HIM THAT THERE’S NO NEED FOR JEALOUSY.

Jealousy and possessiveness can be deeply rooted in insecurity. For reasons that may be known only to him, your guy might think that he’ll never be good enough for you, and this mindset may make him selfish of you and the time you spend together. Don’t feed his insecurity. Value the time you spend together by giving him your undivided attention; put your phone on silent, and don’t answer e-mails even if your Blackberry is buzzing away. This may be easier said than done--especially for those women who need to be wired all the time--but it will send a clear and positive message that you love being with him and don’t want to be anywhere else  when you’re together.


4. SET BOUNDARIES.
 
If all else fails and he continues to try to change or control you, put your foot down. If you dressed a certain way or were friends with a certain group of people when you two met, then why should he try to change you now that you’re together? If he understands that you’re committed to him and your relationship, then what you wear and who you’re friends with shouldn’t be a problem.  Clothes and the company you keep should not be dictated by the presence or absence of a man in your life, so stand up for your right to make your own choices.


5.  KNOW WHEN TO LEAVE.

Being overly possessive and controlling can be a sign of other traits that are far less desirable. It can also be a sign of a potentially abusive partner. Does he really care about you, or does he want to keep you all to himself and cut you off from your other friends so that you’ll be dependent on him? According to NZ Girl,  “Possessive partners are great manipulators and can turn even the most black-and-white situations into something that is to their advantage. The key to finding out if your boyfriend is possessive is to take a long, hard look at your relationship and decide if you feel stifled, or if you’re afraid to do anything without your partner’s ‘permission.’” If your partner’s possessiveness is cutting you off from the rest of the world, know that this behavior is not healthy, and get out while you can.

(Photo by michi003 via Flickr Creative Commons)
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