No, I am not okay.
I'm sorry but I lied. I am not okay in so many ways. I feel sad while everyone is laughing their hearts out. I can hardly recognize myself anymore.
I'm like a fragment of debris. Shattered. Jilted. Unwanted.
I am engaged in a war I am doomed to lose. I go to sleep and wake up fighting the same battle every day.
I want you back. Badly. I want to be that person you will celebrate your triumphs with and the same person you will share your burdens over.
Trust me when I say that it will be my most cherished felicity. Yet, I cannot just simply ignore that you are happy with whom you are with right now. And it is crushing me big time. But hey, don't get me wrong, because I will always choose for you to settle where your happiness lies more than anything else.
The pain of not being a part of your life any longer is excruciating, but I'm becoming used to it. It won't be a normal day for me if those familiar fringes of hate, longing, and grief do not devour my insides.
They are now an inseparable fraction of my being. And it startles me that I cannot shed tears anymore.
Contrary to what I feel, I cannot untangle myself from that urge which unceasingly makes me want to know how you are or whether you're well or not. I have always wanted to ask you that. However, as you are get farther each day, I lose the courage to do so.
You might have caused me my heartaches, but I will constantly look after you. I don't detest you.
What I detest is the affirmation that you chose to linger at the mount of euphoria and later on bailed out at the perils of desolation–instances where I've been present the entire time.
Please help me endure the reality that our story was a mere encounter and not a ground for expectations I should hold on to.
That you never loved me the way you love her. That once I had become your what-if, but you will forever be my oh-well.
Here I was thinking all this time that I am okay, that I had already taken a number of steps forward. But the truth is, I am still waiting.
Whether it be a journey of anguish and let-downs or a promise of good things that will soon come into place, I will still wait for you to come back.
Yes, come back.
Please come back.
Please come back to me.
Please come back to us.
A memory you've left behind
*Minor edits have been made by the Femalenetwork.com editors
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