So you dig the same band, frown upon the same pet peeves and know each other's life stories by heart. No doubt you and your best friend are two peas in a pod, but an interesting study shared by LiveScience.com might explain the reason behind your uncanny ability to finish each other’s sentences.Researchers from Harvard University learned that our brains are programmed to “identify and ‘get’ our friends.” Graduate students Fenna Krienen and Randy Buckner studied brain scan images that showed an “increased activity in the brain’s medial prefrontal cortex and associated regions” when the respondents thought about themselves or their friends. Interestingly, the same network was not active when the participants were asked to think about strangers. Live Science quotes Krienen: "Maybe closeness would also be an important dimension to explore, because we are a social species, we may have evolved with a need to recognize and respond differently to people who are part of our social alliance, part of our clan.”
However, just because you and your BFF have been friends since your diaper days, it doesn't mean you're able to read each other's minds. Miscommunication is still possible, especially when the rest of your barkada enters the picture. Here are five tips to better understand your gal pals:
1. KEEP COMMUNICATION LINES OPEN
People change, and although you still enjoy your barkada’s company to bits, they are not exactly the same people you met and spent every day with in high school. For all you know, your introverted friend may actually be a late bloomer, which may come as a shock for those who are not in the loop. Maintaining constant contact will not only help you know more about your friends, but adjust to behavioral changes as well.
2. AVOID STEREOTYPING
We have to admit, it’s easy to stereotype when you’re used to your friends acting in a certain way. However, it can be offensive because it shows a lack of effort in trying to get to know people better. Cutting friends down to roles in a play will only alienate them. Always keep in mind that people are not cookie-cutter figures molded in a particular way. Allow yourself to be flexible, and take joy in discovering your friends’ hidden traits.
3. ACCEPT THAT EVERYONE HAS LIMITS
People aren’t perfect, and your BFFs, much as you love them, are no exception. Try not to be overly sensitive when they touch upon a sensitive topic because, chances are, they might be aware of your emotional triggers. This is where being open comes in–it’s easier to deal with something when you’re aware of it. Does a friend arrive several minutes late for your nights out? Don’t blow your top. Instead, load up your iPod with audio books so you can catch up on your reading list. Throwing a tantrum won’t change the fact that she’s a little bit late, but it will dampen everyone’s mood.
4. DON’T JUDGE
Hold off on the “I-told-you-so” litany. Suspending judgment doesn’t mean being passive or not having an opinion. It just means taking time out to put problems into context. While there are situations that call for a frank assessment, sometimes a hug is all that your friend needs.
5. MAKE FRIENDS WITH THEIR FRIENDS
People adapt to the company they're with. Your friend’s family, boyfriend, or colleagues might have different perspectives of her from your own, and getting to know them will reveal sides of your friend you otherwise may never have known existed. Don't see the other people in your friend’s life as threats; instead, think of them as resources who can help you get to know him/her better. Ask your friend to bring them along during get-togethers or parties so you can get to know them too.
For more FN articles on friendship and communication, check out the following:
- 5 Ways to Avoid Miscommunication
- How to Improve Communication in Your Relationships
- New Study: Friends Influence Our Relationship Choices + How to Get Along with His Barkada
- FN Flick Picks: 20 BFF Movies for Women’s Friendship Month
- BFF Books: 12 Great Reads about Powerful Female Friendships
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(Photo by Gwennypics via Flickr Creative Commons)
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