Author Topic: living with super negative parents  (Read 6685 times)

swtgrl_bee

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Re: living with super negative parents
« Reply #60 on: September 02, 2018, 11:12:42 pm »
^Totoo yan. Grabe ang hirap talaga sundin yang verse na yan. Tapos living in the Philippines where everyone is "religious kuno" will never undestand.  :'(

Sis iluvescadasport, once nasita ako ng MIL ko about my father being an alcoholic. Hindi ko talaga napigilan at sinabi mga pinaggagawa ng Tatay ko sa buhay niya. Natulala nalang ang MIL ko eh. Ang hirap naman kasi ng i-broadcast mo sa lahat ang nangyayari di'ba? Too much energy is being wasted. Unless nalang mag press release ka siguro. lol  ;D
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thebratinella

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Re: living with super negative parents
« Reply #61 on: September 03, 2018, 12:12:21 am »
^Totoo. Kaya one time may nabasa akong article about difficult parents. Sabi ko sa husband ko naiintindihan ko na bakit yung ibang tao choose to stay away. Hindi pala sila dapat i-judge na masamang anak. My husband could only agree because he's in the same situation. Honestly, I don't see myself visiting my father-in-law again. Nung one time na hinatid namin si mother-in-law sa bahay nila, nakita ko sumimangot nung nakita kami. Hindi na naulit na nagpakita kami. Iwas na lang sa gulo. Mag-1 year na rin that my husband and I don't talk to him. Ayaw siya makita ng daughter namin. Natakot kasi. Ikaw ba naman marinig mo na sabihan na papatayin daddy mo. :( Our daughter is only 8 years old. We told her not to tell my parents and my siblings about the incident last year. Muntikan na kasi mablurt out ng anak ko one time while we were eating dinner with my mother and brothers. Ayoko kasi isipin nila may something wrong sa father-in-law ko. Siyempre di naman mapagkakaila na may temper siya pero magrereflect kasi sa husband ko. Kahit sabihin na they're two different people, siyempre tatay niya pa rin yun.
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iluvescadasport

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Re: living with super negative parents
« Reply #62 on: September 03, 2018, 09:29:36 pm »
Sa experience ko mas masarap magtravel with friends, my present bf and my siblings. Ok din kasama anak ko kaso tamad magpic. Gusto ko din naman talaga magtravel with my parents kasi i want them to see the world too pero nakakaimbey kapag may kasama kang killjoy. Atat na atat mag-aya umuwi or if you will ask them ano gusto kainin for example ang sagot bahala kayo, kapag nagdecide naman kami ng sis ko may reklamo sila. Hay.
yes, kakaimbey talaga! Para bang, tayo na nagmamagandang loob and willing to adjust for them, pero sila pa may comments. Iniisip ko na lang na iba yun palaki sa kanila ng parents. Unlike us where we know how to think and express for ourselves, sila dati wala naman ganyan. Tapos iwas na ako sa pagyaya sa kanila and I wholeheartedly accepted with no judgment towards them na wala talagang family outing or something sa amin.


Dun ko nga narealize na kahit sabi sa Bible na 'honor thy parents', ang hirap gawin lalo na if peace of mind, safety and sanity mo na nakasalalay. Sila mother-in-law and sister-in-law laging stressed yun eh dahil sa kanya. Hindi na lang nagsusumbong sa amin kasi siguro nahiya na rin. Dati tuwing may mga away sila with father-in-law, to the rescue yung husband ko. Mala-referee. Nainis nga ako kasi may times aalis sa office yung husband ko para lang magpunta sa bahay nila kasi nag-iiyak yung kapatid niya at sinakal daw ng tatay nila. Dati ang plan ni husband is to buy a house tapos kukuha din yung sister niya para magkatabi sila pero ako na nagdecide to get a house two towns away from them. Hindi naman sa masama ako ha pero kasi sila kasama ni sister-in-law. Ayoko dumating yung time na next-door neighbor ko si father-in-law at tinotorture niya kami.  Yung sister-in-law ko kasi single pa at mukhang no plans of getting married. Accepted niya na siya ang kasama ng parents nila kaya imagine if we buy houses na magkatabi. Naku.
Meron shinare kapatid ko tungkol sa "honor thy parents". Ang sabi niya, we should honor our parents because nasa 10 commandments yun. But, it doesn't mean na we should obey them. Parang honor na respect them as parents, but that doesn't mean na lahat ng pinapagawa nila ay dapat natin gawin lalo na if illegal or something. So pagka-intindi ko, parang president ng country yan. Kahit na ayaw natin sa president, we should still respect the person na siya ang president. Pero pag sinabi niya na patayin mga criminals, it doesn't mean na gagawin natin. Sorry if  medyo magulo explanation, pero yan ang naisip ko na comparison.

Ang ginagawa ko ngayon is respect them as parents. Grateful din ako dahil pinalaki nila ako without me worrying about finances. Pero I put boundaries like I don't go to vacation with my mom na kasi super toxic talaga nila. Or if sa fam biz, may pinapagawa na illegal (kahit na norm sa mga businesses), hindi ko gagawin.
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iluvescadasport

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Re: living with super negative parents
« Reply #63 on: September 03, 2018, 09:37:34 pm »
^Totoo yan. Grabe ang hirap talaga sundin yang verse na yan. Tapos living in the Philippines where everyone is "religious kuno" will never undestand.  :'(

Sis iluvescadasport, once nasita ako ng MIL ko about my father being an alcoholic. Hindi ko talaga napigilan at sinabi mga pinaggagawa ng Tatay ko sa buhay niya. Natulala nalang ang MIL ko eh. Ang hirap naman kasi ng i-broadcast mo sa lahat ang nangyayari di'ba? Too much energy is being wasted. Unless nalang mag press release ka siguro. lol  ;D
Religous by label without comprehending what the verses are about, tapos kung magadvise sa mga tao, kala mo higher authority sila. Oo, tama too much energy is being wasted. Focus na lang tayo sa personal growth and everything will fall into place. Natawa ako sa press release haha
"Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success."  - Inspiring Women

ayi0119

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Re: living with super negative parents
« Reply #64 on: September 04, 2018, 08:57:09 am »
Not sure if this counts, but I just hate my mom.
 
Puro luho, puro gala, puro hingi. As if wala syang asawa. Tatawag ako sa bahay nila, dadalaw kami sa house nila, lagi syang wala. Pag magkakasama naman kami, puro phone ang inaatupag. Daig pa ang teenager! my gahd!! Mas importante pa sa kanya ang friends nya. Tapos pagkauwi ng bahay, ikaw pa mainit ang ulo? Wow ah! Walang lutong ulam, walang linis ng bahay, daig mo pa ang border na sustentado.

Kaya si daddy lagi na lang mainit ulo, dahil sa kanya! Mas ok pa na maghiwalay sila at lumayas na sya sa bahay namin.  >:(
« Last Edit: September 04, 2018, 09:00:44 am by ayi0119 »
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iluvescadasport

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Re: living with super negative parents
« Reply #65 on: September 04, 2018, 09:32:44 pm »
Not sure if this counts, but I just hate my mom.
 
Puro luho, puro gala, puro hingi. As if wala syang asawa. Tatawag ako sa bahay nila, dadalaw kami sa house nila, lagi syang wala. Pag magkakasama naman kami, puro phone ang inaatupag. Daig pa ang teenager! my gahd!! Mas importante pa sa kanya ang friends nya. Tapos pagkauwi ng bahay, ikaw pa mainit ang ulo? Wow ah! Walang lutong ulam, walang linis ng bahay, daig mo pa ang border na sustentado.

Kaya si daddy lagi na lang mainit ulo, dahil sa kanya! Mas ok pa na maghiwalay sila at lumayas na sya sa bahay namin.  >:(

Sorry to hear what you are going through =( Please remember not to dwell in hate, makakasama yan sa iyo baka ma-affect sa relationships mo with other people. I believe your mom grew up in a situation that made her do what she is doing now. Why she doesn't try to change, hindi mo na control yan. I'm sharing an article about forgiveness:

http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2007/09/forgiveness-is-for-you-not-other-person.html

" Forgiveness is something that you do for you. Until you can forgive, you continue to carry around hurt, anger, hate, sorrow---all deep emotions that affect your body, the way you see yourself, the way you see other people, and the way you see your world. Not forgiving can keep you stuck in all of these emotions"

You might not want to read or consider the above article is strong pa rin hate mo towards your mom. But I do hope you save the link. I believe that the day will come na mas accept mo na to forgive and love her din =)
"Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success."  - Inspiring Women

Jiyongah

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Re: living with super negative parents
« Reply #66 on: October 19, 2018, 03:25:08 pm »
So I have a bad relationship with my Dad. I don't talk to him that often even if we live together in the same house.  Laging nega lang sinasabi niya and he will always make you feel insignificant.

He is also one of the main reason why I have depression. Nakaka pagod na.

Aftergl0w

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Re: living with super negative parents
« Reply #67 on: October 24, 2018, 01:26:40 am »
Yes young pa to have such behaviours.
And it?s gonna be worse once they reach 70s or 80s

I have to agree! My lola is in her 80s and lalong lumala ang ugali niya. Nobody wants to be around her.

RobertWest

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Re: living with super negative parents
« Reply #68 on: November 15, 2018, 08:26:59 pm »
I will also advice you to just move out.

iluvescadasport

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Re: living with super negative parents
« Reply #69 on: January 06, 2019, 09:17:42 pm »
This is to share my experience during the last quarter of 2018.  I started this thread early 2018, when I was so sure that I'm right, that I deserve to be understood as a human being, and that my parents are wrong. But since no parent school, accept na lang and ignore the issue.

But as my 2018 ended, I learned a lot. I learned to love my parents just for who they are. I learned to have compassion and care for them. I feel this time. Thinking and knowing are easy, I read a lot of resources that says I deserve better, that I'm worthy of a better life. Pero yun nga, my parents are my parents, walang parents school. It's not also good for me na hanggang "alam" ko lang. It is when I surrendered to faith and my feelings and accepted them for who they are. I applied compassion towards them, and love and care. I can't change them. This time around, hindi ko na inisip "sino ba tama, sino ba mali?". I just know in my heart that I love them kasi pinalaki naman nila ako ng mabuting tao. Iba lang way nila to show it to me. Acceptance and understanding on my part na lang. Gratitude, compassion and forgiveness meditation everyday. When I started to heal myself and forgive them for all the misunderstandings, it is when I felt my life began to shift. It is when I learned to change what is in me that my relationship with my parents started to shift also. It's not 100% perfect, but there is progress. I learned a lot about me also, how I do things and did things before because of my hatred towards them. But since healing process na ako, masnakkilala ko sarili ko and I get to actually live my life by making my own choices. I stopped blaming them for my 2x attempted suicide. At the end of the day, all my actions were because of my choices. It's my life, my choice, my responsibility.

I still plan to move out, but now it's because it's for my progress as a person, and not because I'm escaping the problems at home.

For those who are still struggling with their parents, the struggle will never end. It's always how we look at our situation. Be open to miracles. Have faith and take actions in changing what's in us. You'd be surprised on the results =)

Here is to a new year to us!
"Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success."  - Inspiring Women

barbramae

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Re: living with super negative parents
« Reply #70 on: January 10, 2019, 03:56:19 pm »
I'm late to the party but here are my answers:

1. How did you confirm your suspicions na super negative talaga sila?

2. What activities are you doing to get through your everyday life as you still live with them?
3. What are you doing to get out of the situation? Or you have no plans in getting out of the situation?

mrs.jack sparrow

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Re: living with super negative parents
« Reply #71 on: April 15, 2019, 07:06:25 am »
My mom is a pathological liar that had always cost us ruined relationships.
Now she did it again and im in big trouble and owe a lot of money for something has nothing to do with me. I really dont wanna talk to her anymore but im just trying to be calm and not disrespect because i dont wanna make my dad and sis feel bad. My other sis is all the way with me. We are the elders so we are hyper aware of how our mother?s character really is from the beginning.

 


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