Ito background nila: Maybe those contributed sa pagiging negative nila.
My mom - immigrant from Hong kong. 16 years old nandito na siya tapos 18 yrs ata kinasal via matchmaker. High school graduate.
My dad- Born here but with Chinese blood. NEver finished elementary pero napagtapos niya kaming 3 anak sa "prestigious" school.
Both of them laki sa hirap and naging "successful" financially naman. I have a brother na cerebral palsy, so challenging talaga. We have no caretaker for him.
Negative sila in a way na they only see the bad stuff around them instead of seeing the good things. Examples:
1. Whenever my mom wants to enjoy her time (watching tv, shopping, travelling), she would always use my brother as an excuse for not being able to do it. She would say she has to take care of him, etc. There are instances na when she's watching tv while eating, tapos nahulog sa floor yun food, sasabihin niya "Ano ba yan, if only i shouldn't take care of <insert name of my brother>, I could've eaten sa dining table properly."
2. She would always see the bad stuff happening in our condo namely ants, insects, our neighbors smoking, the improper parking of tenants' cars. We used to live on the same building as our store before (yun tipong ground floor store tapos sa taas yun bahay namin) when she said gusto niya lumipat ng condo kasi masconvenient (meron elevator which is convenient for her and my dad since magsenior na sila. tapos brother ko nakawheelchair so we don't have to carry him sa stairs). Nung nakalipat na kami, ang dami pa rin reklamo.
3. I love certain filipino food and mga beach sa province natin. Before, when I was still in good speaking term with her, I would enjoy sharing na I love adobo, tocino, or Bohol. Tapos I'll explain yun resort sa Bohol na maganda pool, masarap filipino breakfast. She would always react "Ay, bakit Pinoy? Bakit ayaw mo mag Europe?" Para bang, she has a negative outlook towards FIlipino and anything Filipino related.
4. My dad, passive negative yan. He won't do the needed tasks kasi (feel ko lang) he doesn't believe in himself kasi hindi siya elementary graduate. Yun tipong magapply lang ng phone bill, kami pa pinapagawa. Hindi naman siya busy, hindi rin siya pagod. AYaw lang talaga niya. Or if may mga parties na invited sila ng parents ko, hindi siya pupunta. Excuse niya is gabi natatapos. Pero yun time na natatapos, gising pa rin naman siya sa bahay, naglalaro ng ipad or watch tv. Feel ko it's his insecurity of talking to other people (kasi diba pag parties hindi maiiwasan makipagmingle with people) kasi mababa education. We have talked to him sincerely naman na he can take classes, ang daming mga night classes that adults can take, kahit pang elementary lessons pa.
I have so many more examples, pero hanggang dyan na lang. The more I give, parang lumalabas ulit yun inis ko and naiiyak nanaman ako.
Lord knows I tried my best to be patient with them, especially with my mom. 3 yrs din ako laging kasama ng mom ko, Mon-Sunday yan. Pati vacation where I should be relaxing from stress, kasama ko pa rin siya acting as a sponge to her negativity. I even fight her fights kahit mali siya (which is totally against my values, ngayon ko lang narealize yan). Sa dad ko, I did my best to do stuff for him (simple luto ng egg pag morning, putting his cellphone sa bags kapag pauwi na, buying the stuff he needs pag aalis ako. KAso puro may negative comments. I don't need to be praised, but a simple acknowledgement ok na, or at least no comment pwede rin). Lagi niyang pinapalabas na single ako and living under their roof kaya wala pa ako masyadong alam. Nagagawa ko naman mga gusto ko (basta hindi illegal haha) pero whenever they know about it, laging may negative comment. My mom would compare me to other more "successful" people that she knows, and my dad will always say it won't work sa panahon ngayon because of economy or whatever maisip niya.
That 3 years I had facebook, napapansin ng hs mates ko na negative mga reactions ko. Kahit yun mga basic comments nila, ginagawan ko ng issue. When I had enough, I terminated my fb account. NAg twitter naman ako. Pero ayun, same sakit parin. Yun mga comments ng strangers, pinapatulan ko.
Alam ko I shouldn't have problem with that, kasi minsan tayo ganun din naman. Pero since 32 years ko na sila kasama, I live with them, I work sa family business na sila pa rin kasama, tapos vacation ko before (except for these past 2 years where medyo nagigising na ako sa katotohanan) lagi with my mom pa, para lagi ako bombarded with their negativity. My sisters and I provided doable financially-friendly solutions, pero ayaw naman nila.Last year, meron major nangyari and that was the moment I said to myself "I've had enough".
I tried to see it from their POV din, pero feel ko it's not right that they can just put me down or verbally abuse me just because they are married (which they see as authority over the single people) and just because they have more money than me.
Pero yun nga, I just want to make sure na valid feelings ko but I don't want to make matters worst by confronting them na. I have made several steps and goals to move on and help my self growth, pero parang I want assurance na tama yun pagidentify ko sa problem (which is yun pagiging negative ng parents ko). Kasi mahirap na if yun solution ko is mali pala kasi mali yun pagidentify ko ng problem.
I want to go to a psychologist, naisip ko baka she can help me identify the real problem. Kaso mahal charge nila haha
