living with super negative parents

[iluvescadasport]

Thanks for the advice, sis. Nao-overwhelm lang with life's problems, I guess. Parang all I'm doing is dealing with more and more issues and responsibilities as time goes by. Medyo jaded na nga ako, naisip ko na ganito na lang ba ang buhay. Can't remember the last time I was truly happy and relaxed. I'm taking it one day at a time, but it's difficult, but I will try to find joy in life again. Kaya feeling ko magiging nega talaga ako pagtanda ko, na sana huwag naman!

the fact na naiisip natin bakit ganito na lang ba ang buhay is a good sign kasi it makes us think and wonder bakit ganito. nacurious tayo, so it means we have an interest in it kahit man lang 1% interest lang, it's a good start. and another fact na aware ka na baka maging nega ka pagtanda mo if you keep that kind of thinking is a very good thing! I see it as a sign na you are aware and wants to change. Always remember joy is found within us, not by our external envt or materials. bombard yourself with motivational and self affirmations audios and videos. Stop watching current events, puro nega na kasi lately.

what a great idea sis for a support group maybe start with viber or something like that. PM me as well if you guys are into that. I have felt that before na sobrang down with no one to talk to kase busy ang friends or in a different timezone. 

pm'ed you =)

[hisana]

^
Sis, that's really good advice, pwede kang counselor!

[iluvescadasport]

Lahat ng suggestions ko from the books and youtube that I have read. Grabe sobrang helpful pala. As long as we are open to changes and new suggestions, ibibgay sayo lahat ng universe. Ngayon, feel ko parang kulang time ko in learning new stuff. Dati yun nasa rock bottom ako, feel ko bakit ang tagal ng oras and gusto ko na mawala sa mundo.

[hazelbrown_eyes27]

Iam so in with the viber group sissies!:) alam ko kailangan din natin minsan mag rant, or mag let out. Just to let the bad vibes out from oir chest..

[hazelbrown_eyes27]

Thank you so much sissies sa mga tips niyo, and mga Advice. Greatly appreciated!  Well, my Mom, when we learned na may breast cancer siya years ago. Wala akong naramdamang awa. Wala lang. Okay, may CA ka. Ganun. Kaya wala rin akong anak. One, I do not want turn into my Mother. 2. Iam not prepared to be one. 3. Ayaw ko kasi yung reason na nag anak lang para may mag aalaga sa kanila pag tanda. Parang ganun kasi thinking ng mga tao. Mag anak ka para may  mag aalaga sa iyo pag tanda mo. If I wanted to have a kid. Dahil sa gusto ko mag ka anak. Hindi, gusto ko ng taga pag alaga. Its selfish kasi. Gaya ng nangyayari sa akin ngayon. Parang ganun. Nag anak ng 2 pa para if ever na mag ka asawa yung 2, may natitirang mag aalaga sa nanay.( saw saw suka, matira TAYA!) nga ang tawag namin. Ang ginagawa ko mga sissies, I volunteer sa pound. Sundays are reserved for the abandoned dogs. Therapy ko na rin, and at the same time.. nakaka alis ako ng bahay. Di ko siya bibitawan. Kasi, I think mas naaappreciate ng mga aso na inaalagaan namin ang care na binibigay namin sa kanila. More than a human being would. Iam also thinking of other activities to do, aside from being a volunteer at a shelter/ pound. Para mas productive, and mas di ko maisip ang mga negativity sa bahay. Sana may 8-8pm ako na volunteering. Yung uuwi na lang ako para to spend time on my own dogs feed them, and sleep. Right now, kung di need makipag usap sa nanay ko, di ko kinakausap.

Tama kayo sis.. yun din ayoko. Maging katulad ko nanay ko. Iam trying my best to be positive. I do try to see the good in others naman. I do. There are times, if makakapag salita ako ng di maganda, ititikom ko na lang bibig ko.  Pati nga mga bato, mga positive stones na pwedeng isuot! Bumibili ako. Hahahah!!   Sana mag push through ang viber group. Sana maka help sa ating lahat.  Oo nga pala. I joined an app.( IOS) name is 7 cups parang therapy din siya. Like Betterhelp. Mayroon din na mag sa sign up ka to be a listener naman. May chatroom.

Ms. holly,
 Pmed you sis!:)

[iluvescadasport]

3 of us has started viber group. if anyone wants to join, join lang. no sales talk lang ah! pure sharing and encouraging lang.

Update lang sa akin on how I'm dealing with my super negative parents. I finally seek professional help, I went to theta healing. It was a good investment for me kasi I finally figured out what's bothering me all this time. I can finally answer the questions that I posted with full confidence:

1. How did you confirm your suspicions na super negative talaga sila?
    - after finding out the root cause of all my pain/hurt/anger, I'm confident to say na super
     negative talaga sila. Doubtful lang ako dati kasi I grew up with the belief that parents know best
    and they are the one making the best decision. so hindi talaga ako natuto to decide on my own
    and be confident sa decisions ko. Now, I see them as human beings who has negative attitude
    and not as negative people. Iba din kasi culture nila and pagpapalaki sa kanila, plus senior na sila so it's hard to encourage other people to be better if senior na rin. I just accept them as who they are wholeheartedly and with no judgment. Very challenging but I always remind myself that

2. What activities are you doing to get through your everyday life as you still live with them?
    I work mon-sat. sundays lang off ko. however, I spend almost 24/7 with them kasi work ko is family business where sila din nakikita and naririrnig ko. mon-friday, i wake up at 520am to meditate and go for a hiit workout ng 6:30am to jump start my brain cells. So far, it's working great for me. Mas calm ako (although not 100% pa), I tend to see things in a neutral or a bit positive way, and focus na ako in investing in myself by developing my mental state kasi everything starts from the thoughts talaga. Saturday, work pa rin but I wake up 30minutes earlier for meditation. Sunday naman, i stay at home kasi nagttipid ako. So challenging talaga sundays kasi nasa bahay din sila. I don't want to go out with them, kaya tinitiis ko sa bahay and watch utube vids/study online for my self dev't. Kanina nagsimula nanaman mama ko sa kaka-daldal, but instead of the old me proving my point, I just told her "respect lang sa decision ko. yun lang naman request ko" but she kept on talking parin. Pero i didn't do anything or say anything na. dati baka sigawan ko pa yan. i was mumbling to myself din "it's okay. it's okay," to keep me calm kasi frankly speaking, that time gusto ko na talaga suntukin mom ko sa inis.


3. What are you doing to get out of the situation? Or you have no plans in getting out of the situation?
     My plan is to move out in 5 years time. I haven't told them about my decision (for my own sanity din).

[freshpicks]

^ Yey, congratulations on your progress

[Shadow Angel]

Akala ko ako lang ang ganito. Dumating na ako sa point na nawala ko na ang love ko for them. I tried so many times na ibalik un amour ko sa kanila pero wala na talaga lalo lumala sa paglipas ng mga araw. I even invited my Mom here kasi akala ko nagbago na pero hindi lalong lumala. Imagine sarili namin bahay hindi kami makakilos na wala sya comment. Tapos lahat ng sabihin ko mali sa kanya. Ako na pinaka masamang anak. Nakikita ni Hubby kung anong ugali nya. Si hubby nga na ang haba ng pasensya na iinis na rin. Akala ko ako may problema pero di pala. Grabe stress ang inabot ko pati anak ko affected ang gusto nya un anak namin ang mag adjust para sa kanya. Wala pang respect sa kapit bahay. Sinabihan ko na bawal malakas ang music sa labas tuloy pa rin at nagalit pa sa akin. Ang haba ng listahan ko kung iisa isahin ko. Isa pa sa pinaka ayaw ko tsismosa at bida sa lahat nagkwento pa ng buong kabuhayan nila. Isa pa yan na ang daming reklamo sa bahay namin.

Tanggap ko ng di ko na sya makikita after nito wala na ako plano na bumalik. Iba un peace of mind ko kasama ng sarili kong pamilya ang layo sa environment na meron ako kasama sila dati.

Ilang kausap heart to heart to talk wala rin nangyari. Nagkasumbatan pa.

Di ko akalain magkakaroon ako ng ganitong feeling para sa kanila. Nakakapagod silang mahalin.

[iluvescadasport]

Sorry to hear you are experiencing this also. Feel ko madami nakakaexperience ng ganyan, pero hindi pa sila umabot sa inabutan natin na "enough" na. And huwag mong isipin na masama kang anak! Tama naman na nararamdaman mo yan, it's a natural feeling. Important thing is don't let the negative feeling consume you.

I hope you don't mind me suggesting din. I know na mahirap talaga mahalin ang ganyang klaseng magulang. Pero consider din na they are still our parents. Minahal din nila tayo, pinalaki din tayo. I guess iba yun way na pagshow nila sa akin kasi from different generation sila lumaki. Hindi mo rin sila mababago kasi syempre, matanda na sila and if ayaw nila magbago, wala din tayo magagawa. The most we can do is have compassion for them (kahit na sobrang hirap!). Remember, when dealing with them, we do it out of love and not expecting anything in return. I don't have the right to tell you not to cut your communication with them or what. If you want to limit your communication with them or cut off, I can't stop you. But if you still want to have good relationship with them, I'm telling you it's possible.  Even if alam natin sila ang may mali talaga, the fact na affected tayo and nagrereact sa ginagawa nila means meron pagkukulang sa atin. When we focus on our personal dev't muna, tuloy tuloy ang blessings sa ibang area sa life natin. I am currently on that journey, challenging pero nakakayanan and may paraan.

I hope you don't give up on your parents. You can still have a relationship with them but with boundaries. Something I learn sa book na binabasa ko, sabi parang "forgive people who have done wrong to us. Their actions are understandable (maybe because of their culture or what) but it doesn't mean it is justified, and that reasoning is okay."

[Shadow Angel]

^as much as I want to give them more consideration and understanding for now hindi ko kaya ibigay. Affected na din kasi ang family ko.

[Girltalker2]

How old are your parents?
Just asking coz sa pagkakaalam ko, these things get worse as they get older

[Shadow Angel]

^67 buti sana if dala ng katandaan kaso di naman.

[argento]

solution: cut ties with your negative parents. problem solved 

[Girltalker2]

^67 buti sana if dala ng katandaan kaso di naman.

Yes young pa to have such behaviours.
And it?s gonna be worse once they reach 70s or 80s

[swtgrl_bee]

solution: cut ties with your negative parents. problem solved 

Semi ganito yung ginawa ko. Pero not entirely pa kasi binibilhan ko pa din ng Adult milk ang Tatay ko. At kinakausap ko pa din kapag pumupunta kami sa bahay.

Umalis na kami sa bahay namin. Plus I blocked him on all my social media accounts and kahit sa text message naka block siya.

My father is an alcoholic at talagang nagkaroon na siya ng major operation na ang reason ay alcohol yet noong medyo lumakas na siya bumalik na naman siya. At take note araw araw pa siyang umiinom. He's 64 years old.

Agree with you sis Girltalker2, parang kung kelan tumatanda mas lumalala. Feeling entitled lalo I guess?

Basta ang hirap maging anak with a negative parent. Kasi people will even judge you na bakit ganun ang turing mo sa parent mo. I rather not talk about it kasi with other people. Bahala nalang sila.

[thebratinella]

Naalala ko father-in-law ko. We don't talk to him anymore. We don't go to their house. Yung mother-in-law and sister-in-law ko na lang minemeet namin sa mall or kung saan. Hindi na kami nagpapakita sa kanya after he threatened to kill my husband last year and threatened to shoot their neighbors kasi mainit ulo niya. Nakakahiya. Aside from that, our daughter got so scared kaya husband ko na nagdecide na he's had enough. Before kasi tinitiis pa namin yung ugali and temper niya. Pinagpapasensiyahan namin yung times na ang yabang or negative siya but after ng mga threats, pamamahiya sa harap ng brother ko, tama na. Ang tahimik na ng buhay namin ngayon. Laking bawas sa stress. Naawa lang kami kay mother-in-law kasi until now stressed siya sobra. Ayaw nga niya magretire kasi ano naman daw gagawin niya? Ending daw nakatambay lang siya sa bahay with my father-in-law. Sabi nga ng husband ko baka daw maaga mamatay nanay niya dahil sa sakit sa ulo. Kahit noong bata pa husband ko ganyan na talaga ugali ng father niya. Before he graduated from college, ilang beses na siya umalis sa bahay nila to live in his childhood friend's house and even sa tita niya (sister ni mother-in-law). Then when I met him, sa apartment na siya nakatira kasi nagkaroon na naman sila ng major fight ng tatay niya. Even own sister ni father-in-law hindi siya kasundo. Hindi din siya sinasama ni mother-in-law sa mga family gatherings sa side ng family niya kasi nga umiiwas na maangasan mga kamag-anak.

Before sinasabi ko sa husband ko na intindihin yung father niya kasi tatay niya pa rin pero noong ako na nakaexperience ng outbursts niya, hindi ko na rin kinaya.  For the sake of our daughter, lumayo na lang kami saka nakakatakot na eh. Mamaya kung ano pa magawa ni father-in-law.

[mysterioza_me]

First and maybe last  time ko na atang magta-travel ng malayuan with my parents lalo na at abroad. Imbes na ma-relax kami na-stress kami ng sis ko.

[iluvescadasport]

Basta ang hirap maging anak with a negative parent. Kasi people will even judge you na bakit ganun ang turing mo sa parent mo. I rather not talk about it kasi with other people. Bahala nalang sila.

Super true ito, people judge without knowing the whole story. Ang masama kasi sa culture ngayon, when you go "against" your parents, sasabihin masamang tao na. Pero hindi nila alam kung ano talaga nangyari. Ako ang ginagawa ko noon(when my relatives or parents' friends ask me why I don't want to take over our fam biz or travel with my parents) is say "wala lang" and give a "positive smile", hoping na tigilan nila ako. Pero lately, kapag mga occassion na alam ko I have to be with my parents, I decline to go. Sasabihin ko sa parents ko (I still live with them kasi) na pagod na ako.

Naalala ko father-in-law ko. We don't talk to him anymore. We don't go to their house. Yung mother-in-law and sister-in-law ko na lang minemeet namin sa mall or kung saan. Hindi na kami nagpapakita sa kanya after he threatened to kill my husband last year and threatened to shoot their neighbors kasi mainit ulo niya. Nakakahiya.

Nakakatakot naman yan! I'm glad to hear na safe kayo and kahit papaano meron na peace of mind on your part kasi may distance na rin. Thanks for sharing din na "nakakahiya". Kala ko ako lang nakakaramdam ng ganun, kaya feel ko ang bad ko.

First and maybe last  time ko na atang magta-travel ng malayuan with my parents lalo na at abroad. Imbes na ma-relax kami na-stress kami ng sis ko.

Sobrang totoo yan. Imbis na vacay is for recharging good vibes, nagiging added nega vibes if with nega people. There comes a time where we have to prioritize ourselves and not those people who took care of us growing up

[mysterioza_me]

Sobrang totoo yan. Imbis na vacay is for recharging good vibes, nagiging added nega vibes if with nega people. There comes a time where we have to prioritize ourselves and not those people who took care of us growing up

Sa experience ko mas masarap magtravel with friends, my present bf and my siblings. Ok din kasama anak ko kaso tamad magpic. Gusto ko din naman talaga magtravel with my parents kasi i want them to see the world too pero nakakaimbey kapag may kasama kang killjoy. Atat na atat mag-aya umuwi or if you will ask them ano gusto kainin for example ang sagot bahala kayo, kapag nagdecide naman kami ng sis ko may reklamo sila. Hay.

[thebratinella]

Nakakatakot naman yan! I'm glad to hear na safe kayo and kahit papaano meron na peace of mind on your part kasi may distance na rin. Thanks for sharing din na "nakakahiya". Kala ko ako lang nakakaramdam ng ganun, kaya feel ko ang bad ko.

Nakakahiya kasi wala siyang pakialam kahit marinig ng neighbors nila na sinisigawan niya mga anak niya or wife niya. Last straw na ng husband ko yung makitang nanginig sa takot daughter namin dahil sa mga threats ni father-in-law. Narinig kasi ng daughter namin nung sinigawan ni father-in-law yung 2 neighbors na naglalakad sa kalye while he was parking the vehicle at muntikan na niya masagi yung neighbors. Take note, siya yung irate while parkingat muntikan makasagi pero siya yung galit. Sinigawan niya na 'huwag nga kayo humarang diyan kundi babarilin ko kayo eh!'. Then nung sinigawan na niya husband ko inside the house na papatayin niya. Yung ibang neighbors were peeking sa mga windows nila. Nakakahiya! 2 years before that happened, sinundo naman namin mother-in-law and sister-in-law ko to watch the pyrolympics. May argument before that yung sister ni husband with their father and siguro feeling ng tatay nila kampihan silang magkapatid. Lumabas siya sa bahay and sabi sa husband ko, 'huwag ka na babalik dito. papatayin kita'. Nasa car yung brother ko. Kasama namin that time. Sumama loob ko kasi hindi na binigyan ng kahihiyan ng father-in-law ko yung husband ko. Di naisip na ano na lang iisipin ng kapatid ko di ba? Pero pinagbigyan namin yun. After a few months, binati namin. Bumisita na naman kami sa bahay nila. After lang talaga nung incident last year na natraumatize anak namin, we decided na tama na.

Dun ko nga narealize na kahit sabi sa Bible na 'honor thy parents', ang hirap gawin lalo na if peace of mind, safety and sanity mo na nakasalalay. Sila mother-in-law and sister-in-law laging stressed yun eh dahil sa kanya. Hindi na lang nagsusumbong sa amin kasi siguro nahiya na rin. Dati tuwing may mga away sila with father-in-law, to the rescue yung husband ko. Mala-referee. Nainis nga ako kasi may times aalis sa office yung husband ko para lang magpunta sa bahay nila kasi nag-iiyak yung kapatid niya at sinakal daw ng tatay nila. Dati ang plan ni husband is to buy a house tapos kukuha din yung sister niya para magkatabi sila pero ako na nagdecide to get a house two towns away from them. Hindi naman sa masama ako ha pero kasi sila kasama ni sister-in-law. Ayoko dumating yung time na next-door neighbor ko si father-in-law at tinotorture niya kami.  Yung sister-in-law ko kasi single pa at mukhang no plans of getting married. Accepted niya na siya ang kasama ng parents nila kaya imagine if we buy houses na magkatabi. Naku.