snooky_serna_relationships3.jpgActress Snooky Serna took the entertainment world by surprise when she announced (during her guest appearance on TV5’s Paparazzi on May 9) that she had broken up with her boyfriend, businessman Jun de Vera, says this article on PEP.ph. Snooky, who has already had two short-lived relationships with ex-husbands Ricardo Cepeda and Nino Mendoza, revealed that she and Jun had split on account of conflicting interests, but did not disclose anything beyond that. She likewise mentioned that, as far as she was concerned, she had tried her best to make the relationship work.

This recent split seems to constitute another notch in her list of failed relationships. However, in spite of her string of heartbreaks (made worse by the fact that all three of her past break-ups had been made known to the public), Snooky also stated that her fleeting encounters with love did not stop her from being a hopeless romantic, and that when things turn out for the worst, “you have to stand up and rebound.”

Like Snooky Serna, a lot of women—wonderful, smart and attractive women at that—have fallen prey to failed relationships. While some may ascribe their unhappy fate to bad luck, others would attribute their predicament to a couple of wrong turns and bad choices. Depending on the circumstances, the cause could also be a combination of both.

The best way to determine the factors that may have caused a succession of bitter heartaches in the past is to actually examine your history, and try to flesh out the reasons for each break-up.

While it is true that bad luck spares no one, and that it does play a role in the outcome of certain relationships, it should not always be held responsible for how each love affair turns out. Blaming your heart’s plight on pure bad luck is always the easy way out, but it’s also important to be conscious of the way you make decisions in the various aspects of a relationship (or even prior to entering one). Being conscious of the way you weigh choices will help you zero in on your points for improvement, as well as avoid making the same mistakes and experiencing the same old heartbreaks.

Read on for 10 tips to help you recover from the unpleasant memory of failed relationships, save you from a bad track record, and give you a more proactive attitude towards your future encounters with romance.


Learn to distinguish plain bad luck from consciously made choices.

Self-analysis and self-awareness are the first steps to creating a solution for a relationship-centered problem. Re-examine your past and try to explore or dissect the reasons behind each heartbreak. Were there certain detrimental factors to your relationship that you couldn’t have possibly controlled or foreseen? Were there certain unfavorable habits that you possessed, which could have pushed him away or led to your falling out? And, perhaps most importantly, what are the things you consider before actually entering a relationship with someone? Are you going for the same “bad guys” over and over again?

While some of the factors in a relationship are out of your hands and beyond foresight, there are those within your power to determine. The decisions you make are such factors.


Stop blaming yourself for every relationship gone awry.

When you’ve experienced one devastating heartache after another, it’s normal (even expected) to either feel like the victim of the world’s biggest cosmic joke, or to start doubting your self-worth and your capacity to maintain a relationship. Questions such as “Where did I go wrong?” or “Am I not good enough?” tend to haunt us—and taunt us mercilessly—during our idle moments.

While it’s all right to give yourself time to mourn over your past relationships, this should not keep you stuck in an emotional rut for very long. A sequence of disappointing encounters with love may be exhausting, but it should not be taken as a reflection of who you are as a person and as a partner. Although none of us can ever be truly perfect partners in any relationship, and although we may have made certain mistakes or done hurtful things in the past, always remember that you should never think of taking full responsibility for the loss—after all, it takes two to make or break a relationship.   


Take some time off to heal your heart.


snooky_serna_relationships1.jpgNever make the mistake of jumping into another relationship with a freshly bruised heart. If you still have emotional baggage (usually comprising insecurities and fears carried over from your most recent heartbreak), chances are these will inhibit you from fully investing in your newfound love. A wounded and exhausted spirit can only give so much before it breaks.

Give yourself time to heal, to get reacquainted with yourself and to gather enough strength, self-confidence and determination to get back on your feet. Remember that you need to become whole again before you can start giving the best of yourself to another person. Going for another person on the rebound isn’t fair to either of you.
 
 
Learn from your mistakes and start making the right decisions.

snooky_serna_relationships2.jpgAlways use your head in a relationship (and before entering one), rather than throw caution to the wind or to the predilections of often-cruel Fate. If you’ve unintentionally hurt someone in the past with your attitude or one of your habits, don’t repeat the same mistakes because—more often than not—these will yield the same devastating consequences.

However, you shouldn’t think that just because something is different, the relationship is more likely to succeed. It’s not about making different decisions from before, but making the right decisions for you. According to this PEP.ph article, Snooky has said she is open to the possibility of a same-sex relationship. We say more power to open-mindedness, but it might be best to base her decision on her prospective partner rather than labels for their relationship.


Learn to gradually let go of bad memories.

While they aren’t exactly easy to recover from, bad experiences shouldn’t hinder you from enjoying life as it is now. Take the present moment as an opportunity to start anew and move forward, rather than cling to haunting memories of the past and remain unhappy. Moreover, try to see your history in a more positive light; take your mistakes and unpleasant experiences as lessons well learned, and resolve never to let them get the best of you again.


Don’t keep making the same ill-suited choices.

Bad luck may come in the form of a bad partner (let’s face it: there are certain guys who are bad relationship bets from the start), who may have initially deceived you with his charms and made you fall in love with him. If you’ve had a bad history with a particular type of guy, try not to pursue a new relationship with someone who possesses the same qualities as he does (though, of course, you should try to look beyond surface qualities in anyone you want to be with). Doing otherwise could no longer possibly be a simple case of bad luck, but would rather be a consciously made bad choice.  


Know what you deserve.

Stop casting pearls before swine (that is, unworthy or abusive partners) and stop being a “settler.” When considering the possibility of entering a new relationship, bear in mind that you deserve to be treated well, respected genuinely, and loved deeply. Don’t put your heart through a meat-grinder again by settling for someone who’s bound to take you for granted and repeating the deadly cycle.


Know what your future partner deserves.


It always takes two happy, emotionally healthy people to strengthen, cultivate and prolong a relationship (hopefully for life). While it’s perfectly normal to expect your prospective partner to take care of you as a good boyfriend or husband should, always remember to give back, express your love, and compromise when needed.


Open yourself to the possibility of a new beginning and look forward to it.

No two relationships are alike. Just because you may have had a lot of past relationships that ended badly, it doesn’t mean that this one will be the same on account of another “stroke of bad luck.” You know what they say: you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince! Take your new relationship—or the prospect of a relationship in the near future—as a fresh chapter and a new opportunity to experience the joys of couplehood.


Love yourself in spite (and because) of everything.

Bear in mind that failed relationships or love affairs happen to everyone, even to the best of us. And while you may feel that you’ve had more heartache than you can take, or that Fate has allotted you a greater share of misery than it has other women, being too hard on yourself—blaming yourself for every romance that goes downhill—will not help you feel any better or raise your self-esteem.

When all else fails, remember that you have only yourself to cling on to. Love yourself, acknowledge your limitations (as a lover and as an individual), and enhance your assets and good qualities. Never let another person—especially an ex—be the reason for you to start detesting yourself.


(Photos courtesy of PEP.ph)

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