In a recent interview in Paparazzi, actress-TV host Ruffa Gutierrez revealed that her very private relationship with John Lloyd Cruz had indeed “overlapped” with his current one with Shaina Magdayao, reports this PEP.ph article. Instead of being bitter about the breakup, Ruffa even said she was immensely happy that whenever John Lloyd Cruz said something about her in public, it was always with respect, notwithstanding their separation. She mentioned that she was proud of the actor for following her advice—to “be a man of character.”
Ruffa also clarified in the interview that when the overlap occurred, both she and John Lloyd had still been open to dating and meeting other people. She also said that—as far as she knew—John Lloyd and Shaina had not been committed to each other (since they were not exclusively dating), and it was only recently that they had decided to finally enter a relationship.
True enough, the dynamics of a relationship often depend on the agreement of the couple involved. This “understanding” between two people may help them maintain the relationship while still allowing enough space for each other to grow as individuals and meet other people, or it may not—however it works out, the choice is theirs.
Relationships come in stages, including (but by no means limited to) the “dating, no strings” stage, the “open relationship” stage, the “exclusive dating” stage, and the “serious relationship” stage. If you’re in a relationship with a guy, it’s important to be aware of what stage it is in so that neither of you is more (or less) attached or emotionally invested than the other at any stage.
To help you determine what stage your relationship is in, we’ve prepared a short description of four general relationship types. Remember that just because you’re in one stage of a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t move to another or skip over other stages completely.
Click on each relationship stage to read about it, or simply keep reading!
We’ve also got a few tips on getting your man to deepen your relationship:
[Click here to read about getting him to commit and stay committed]
(Photos courtesy of PEP.ph)
While technically some may see this as a relationship, emotionally, it really isn’t. At this stage, you go out because you’re interested in getting to know each other better or simply because you enjoy each other’s company. There is usually no expectation of a serious commitment on either side, and you are both still very open to dating other people.
FN Tip: Frequent texting, late-night phone calls, and flooding his Facebook Wall are a no-no at this stage. Remember that you are still in the getting-to-know-you stage, and don’t go overboard in your efforts to convince him that you are “The One” (the way you may be convinced that he’s the one for you). This is almost guaranteed to have him running in the other direction.
THE OPEN RELATIONSHIP
This type of relationship can be confusing, and may be the root of the complicated situation (read: “overlap”) Ruffa, John Lloyd, and Shaina recently found themselves entangled in. When you enter an open relationship, you’re acknowledging that, emotionally, you’ve passed the casual stage, but can still date others if you prefer to do so.
FN Tip: It can be difficult to gauge how “committed” each party is in an open relationship, so it’s a good idea to sit down together and iron out the boundaries of your relationship. As Ruffa mentioned in her interview, it usually depends on the specific agreement of the couple—so make sure you’re both agreeing to the same thing.
The label speaks for itself; even if you are still both testing the waters, you are already committed in the sense that you've agreed not go out with other people. However, since it is still technically not a formal relationship, either party may still choose to end the relationship for a variety of reasons, such as the desire to go back to the dating scene.
FN Tip: The tricky part to this stage is making sure that you’re both on the same page with regard to the exclusivity of your relationship, so consult him to check whether or not you're both at the same level of commitment!
THE SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP
Also known as the Tayo Na stage (or, as John Lloyd said of his relationship with Shaina, “yes, it’s us”), this is the kind of relationship that entails real commitment on both sides. As an official couple, chances you are both at a point wherein you are ready to commit exclusively to each other, and anticipate that this relationship is going to be for keeps.
At the Tayo Na stage, both of you are definitely not allowed to date other people because this would be considered as a breach of the degree of commitment expected of a real couple, and you’re probably going to be introduced to each other’s barkadas and families.
FN Tip: Don’t assume that just because you’re publicly a couple, it’s a done deal. Make sure you keep your romance fresh and exciting, something you should do even after he’s “put a ring on it.”
[Click here for tips on keeping your romance fresh]
GETTING HIM TO COMMIT AND STAY COMMITTED
If you’re really into someone, you’re obviously going to want to be the “Shaina”—the girl your guy picks over all the rest. Here are a few tips to steal his heart—and keep it for the long-term—no matter what stage your relationship is in.
Avoid showering him with too much attention. You want to match his pace then challenge it, not run circles around him and have him dreaming of escape. On top of that, moving too fast takes all the fun out of his endeavor to gradually discover new, exciting things about you. Remember that part of the excitement in dating is the chase, the thrilling uncertainty of where it’s all going to lead. Show him that you are independent, self-confident, and your own person—it’ll make him want you all the more.
Stroll on the Sweet Side
Not being clingy doesn’t mean you can’t show him your sweet side on certain occasions. During one of your dates, offer to just have lunch or dinner at your place, and impress him with your impeccable cooking skills by whipping up one of his favorite dishes. You could also win his heart by getting him two tickets to that game or movie that he’s always wanted to see (and which he just so happened to mention in passing during one of your conversations—this is a great way to prove you really listen to him!).
Don’t Worry, Be Happy
Have fun. Try new and exciting things together, especially things that probably touch on both of your interests. If you both want to try SCUBA diving, visit an art museum, or watch the latest foreign films, then suggest doing it together. Be open to trying out his hobbies and sharing your own with him. If you’re guy is into video games, also try staying indoors and have a marathon on his PS3.
Keep It Real
If both of you are at the dating stage or at the open relationship stage, chances are he’ll still take time to meet other girls. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, you have to show him what sets you apart from and above the rest, and that’s not going to happen if you try to be the woman you think he wants instead of the woman you are.
Be a great friend to him. Show him that you’re there to listen without passing judgment or giving unsolicited advice. He’ll learn you are someone he can trust and depend on, especially during trying situations.