What happens when you find yourself thinking of Mr. Next Cubicle as Maybe Mr. Right? An office entanglement can get tricky, but it doesn’t have to lead to the beginning of the end for your career.
TREAD LIGHTLY.
“It would be great if they didn’t happen, but I think that office romances are inevitable—especially since employees see and interact with each other every day,” says Raquel Torres, 34, who owns a design company. “When it does happen, we trust that those involved wouldn’t let their relationship interfere with their work.”
Leo Estella, human resources project manager for a multinational customer management company, explains: “I think [office romances are] okay, as long as work is not affected. But we don’t usually approve of relationships when one is reporting directly to the other.”
Still, the majority will warn you that it’s not the ideal set-up. “Part of the professional relationship ultimately affects your personal relationship,” says Marivic Soriano-Villadolid, 36, a lawyer at a Makati-based firm where her husband also works. The inherent complications of romantic entanglements should ideally be kept out of the workplace, but if you must continue with the relationship…
KNOW THE RULES.
Atty. Aissa Almiranez, a labor lawyer, says that our sexual harassment laws do not explicitly prohibit dating a co-worker per se. “Companies usually adopt policies against romantic relationships in the office only when a conflict of interest arises as a result of the relationship,” she says.
“Our practice is to transfer one person to another department so that the couple would no longer have to work together, but we only resort to that when one of them starts letting the relationship affect their performance at work,” says Torres.
To make sure that getting cozy with a co-worker won’t cost you a promotion—or worse, your job—familiarize yourself with company policies, written or unwritten, dealing with employee relationships.
SET BOUNDARIES AND STAY PROFESSIONAL.
Dr. Dee Lopez, a doctor of psychiatry at The Medical Center, says: “Some couples who work together go into counseling because the line between the personal and the professional is blurred. Problems at work are brought home and the relationship is unnecessarily saddled with stress at work, and vice-versa.”
Avoid being discredited for possible indiscretions. “When you’re at work, be at work and focus on what needs to be done,” advises Estella.
SET YOURSELF APART.
A common problem that dating co-workers have is the creation of the impression of false dependencies between the pair. Katie Gabriel, 31, whose boyfriend of three years works in the same department, complains, “It’s as if my colleagues expect me to pick up his slack, or him to do tasks on my behalf.”
Conversely, competitiveness may also arise. But Dr. Lopez says: “If both are secure in their capabilities, they will be happy for each other’s successes and will support each other instead of engaging in destructive competition.”
Whether it’s having to deal with office gossip or making sure that you’re still seen as an individual even when you’re part of a pair, a romance at work can lead to twice the effort, both in and out of the office. Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide if it—or he—is worth it.
TIPS FROM WOMEN IN OFFICE ROMANCES:
• Bridge the gap. “We keep no secrets from each other,” Patricia Mendoza, 30, managing officer at a Batangas school, says. Communication and time are not problems for her and her husband who even have their desks in the same office at work, and love their set-up.
• Increase productivity. Katie Gabriel, 31, a lawyer, spends long hours at the office and loves the fact that her boyfriend is right across the hall, available for a 10-minute break before she has to get right back to work. “It’s terrible spending late nights in the office by yourself. When I know that my boyfriend is just a couple of doors down, I’m happy that someone is commiserating with me and I breeze through my tasks.”
(First published in Marie Claire, February 2009; photos courtesy of Touchstone Pictures)
