A YouTube video over the weekend showing a woman attacking her husband’s alleged mistress in the middle of a mall went viral last week--and a bevy of outraged commentary broke out from Filipinos everywhere. It took two guards and her husband to stop the wife's rampage, but even that took a lot of effort since she refused to budge, only letting go of the other woman's hair after delivering a kick to her face. You've let us know what you would do if you were in the wife’s place. “She should pull the husband's hair instead! Why get mad at the mistress, she could be anyone! It's the husband who decided to risk destroying the marriage by deciding to cheat!” user Omg commented. Meanwhile, user Hannie Swayne said, “We can't blame the wife for what she [has] done to the mistress but she shouldn't do that in front of the public. Hindi lang nakakahiya yung mistress pero siya din.”
GIRLTalkers rallied and shared their opinions in a forum thread, which eventually led them to discover the alleged mistress’s identity on Facebook and Friendster. The comments there proved to be just as divided as on the article, with user iR3nE G. saying, “kasi for me nabugbug na siya.. physically,& for sure the emotional pain had always been there din…she's just a third party na hindi dapat nasangkot lalo na sa public humiliation.. na hindi lang sa market-market kundi sa buong internet.”
User swiTsuplada, on the other hand, had this to say: “So pag nanakit ka ng kapwa kailangan mong idemanda agad-agad pero kung alam mo na ang husband mo eh nambababae--kelangan pa nyang ibahay tapos gagamitin mo itong proof o kelangan magkaanak muna sila at saka ka pa lang pwede magdemanda? Tsk tsk tsk. (So if you hurt someone, you should immediately be taken to court, but if you know your husband is cheating, they have to live together first or have a child as proof before you can have a case? Tsk tsk tsk.)”
No matter which side you're on, one thing is clear: the issue of infidelity is one that is universal to women, wives or not. What would you do if you caught your man cheating? FN shares a few tips on how to deal.
1. GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT
Before you confront your guy’s mistress with guns ablaze, make sure you have all the facts. You don’t want to end up laying the blame on an innocent party. Did he really cheat? If so, did the woman know she was having a relationship with a married man? If you were both victims of your man's inability to stay faithful to one woman, what’s the point of getting angry with someone who's unaware of what she's done?
2. VIOLENCE IS NOT THE ANSWER
It will be hard to keep your temper in check if you catch your man in the act. But however irresistible the urge to drag your man away from the other woman might be, take a deep breath and do your best to calm your raging emotions. Resorting to physical violence to get back at someone who's wronged you makes you look cheap and, yes, weak. It doesn’t solve the problem of infidelity, and it might even force your husband to take sides--or earn you an assault charge. Keep your dignity and employ the dedma defense, but make it perfectly clear to your guy that you two will deal with this in private.
3. DON’T FOCUS ON THE THIRD PARTY
Focus on your man, not his mistress. In the end, your man is the one walking away a winner here, with two women fighting over him. Don’t think of the third party as competition you have to trample on to bring your man back to your side. This woman is not your enemy. Focusing all your energy on her only makes you skirt away from the real issue: your husband’s infidelity.
4. TALK TO A FRIEND
A natural response to seeing your man with another woman is to confront him and start ranting and raving. But things said and done in haste are often repented at leisure, so make sure that your emotions are in check and that you’re not reacting out of anger. Don't let things get out of hand; unload your feelings on a friend first so that you can get them out of the way and let your anger go; a true friend will help you sort through your anger at the problem to help you come up with a solution that's healthy for you. This way, you’ll be in full command of yourself when the confrontation finally happens.
5. PROTECT THE INNOCENT PARTIES
Make sure not to involve anyone who cannot contribute to resolving this issue. Don’t take out your anger on your mother-in-law just because she’s your husband’s mom, especially if she was just as clueless about his infidelity as you were. And if you have children, make sure that they are shielded from both you and your husband’s emotions. Family conflict can be particularly traumatizing on young ones, so play it civil with your man for their sake, if not for his or your own.
6. CONFRONT YOUR HUSBAND
The issue here is not another woman, but your man breaking your trust by choosing to engage in an affair. Giving in to temptation is always a choice. In the end, your marriage involves you and your husband, and no one else. The responsibility of fixing your relationship, therefore, lies with both of you.
FN Asks: What would you do if you caught your man cheating?
(Screencap courtesy of Thisismyusername619 via Youtube)
ADVERTISEMENT - CONTINUE READING BELOW
Trending on Network
