Family is always the best thing about the holidays—except when it’s the worst. Let’s face it: you love the people in your family, and that’s why they make you crazy. The holidays just mean you’re spending more time around each other than usual, which can be a recipe for either fun or fury.
We’ve identified five scenarios most people complain of and compiled some suggestions for tackling them:
Scenario 1: “My parents still treat me like a child.”
The truth is that part of the reason why they still treat you like a child is because come what may, you’ll always be their child. Still, it is extremely annoying when they treat you like you’re three and not thirty.
To make them see that while you’ll always be their little girl, you’re also a mature, responsible adult, make sure you act that way. Take them out to lunch or dinner—on you, of course, because from here on out, there should be no more mooching off your parents. Offer to cook for them (or at least volunteer to help in the kitchen, perhaps while preparing Media Noche this time). Plan some of the activities and help run herd on your younger relations: it lets them appreciate how thoughtful you are, and you get to show off your massive organization and people skills. And helping out with the next generation will show your folks how much more mature (than them!) you already are.
Remember: if you continue to act like a grown-up, eventually they’ll start treating you like one. For more suggestions, check out the relevant articles on AssociatedContent.com and eHow.com.
Scenario 2: “Squabbling relatives use me as a go-between.”
Not only is it annoying to have to go back and forth between relatives, relaying messages they aren’t willing to deliver in person, in cases like this, you also run the risk of falling victim to kill-the-messenger syndrome.
First things first: stop enabling your relatives’ immature behavior. Sure, this type of thing was common enough when you were kids, but grown-up relatives need to start dealing with each other as grown-ups. Tell your relatives that you think they need to work out their differences (if you know both parties well enough, you may want to give advice on what will make the people involved more amenable to a reconciliation), and more importantly, tell them how it’s making you feel, having to run between them and having them try to get you on their side against the opposing “team.”
Use the holidays ruthlessly if you like—convince them that even if they still disagree, they can try harder to get along with each other, if only for the holidays.
Scenario 3: “They keep prying into my personal life.”
It’s normal for your family to want to know what you’ve been up to, especially if you’re living far away from them, but sometimes the clan gossip mill can run a little too efficiently. You may be able to grin and bear it the first few times someone asks you when you’re going to get a boyfriend (like it’s that easy) or when you’re going to marry that guy you’ve been seeing, it can get old (and on your nerves) very quickly. Even worse, well-meaning relatives may try to set you up with men they think would be perfect for you (even when the opposite is more likely true).
Unfortunately, as long as your relatives love you and want you to be happy, they won’t stop wanting to fix the things they perceive as being sources for unhappiness—this can lead to lots of nagging and prying you may not appreciate. Not sure how to deal with it? First, calm down. It helps to remember that if they didn’t care about you, they wouldn’t invest the time or energy to nag or pry in the first place. Next, tell them you’re happy as you are (smile so you’re convincing), or if you’re not, assure them you can handle the situation yourself. Worst case scenario: try a few of their suggestions. If they don’t work, you can always point out that you’d like to try things your way from now on.
For more tips and advice on dealing with naggers and prying relatives, check out wikiHow.com’s article on coping with nagging parents.
Scenario 4: “They pick at all of my insecurities.”
Even if it’s said in a light tone, the observation that you’re getting fat from the people who have known you all your life can be devastating. A single joking comment about “thunder thighs” or “love handles” is all the more painful when you already know you need to lose a few inches on your legs or some weight around the abdomen. Worse is when they invade your personal space—they may pinch or handle your handles in a way they may think is affectionate but is actually very hurtful.
Whatever you do, don’t respond by attacking them about their weak spots. You’re better than that. And let them know, in no uncertain terms, that they should be as well. If you tell them they are hurting you, they will usually stop immediately—it’s normally a case of ignorance rather than malice because they’re your family, and they’re feeling especially familiar. Don’t be afraid of causing a few moments of awkwardness—these will pass quickly enough, and hopefully the momentum of your holidays will take a turn for the better once you’re over the hump of actually telling them when you’re offended by their behavior.
For more tips on telling a member of your family when he or she is hurting your feelings, check out the related article on wikiHow.com.
Scenario 5: “I want to come clean, but it’s difficult, and they’re making it harder.”
Maybe you’re planning a switch in careers. Maybe you’ve lost your job. Maybe you and your husband have decided to separate. Maybe you’re gay. None of these things is easy to ’fess up to your family. It’s especially hard if they keep asking you about or making references to the very thing you want to talk to them about—it can make you feel awkward, and you really don’t want to burst the bubble of holiday happiness they’re exuding with news they may not take well.
Still, it has to be done, so build up your courage and stamp down your fears—the more nervous you are when you tell them, the worse they’ll react or feel in turn. Be prepared. Don’t just blurt it out. Pick a moment when they’re not already stressed or tired, and make sure they are seated. If it’s news like losing your job, make sure you have an action plan and communicate your contingency plans clearly. If you’ve made a major life decision, cite your reasons for doing so. If you did something wrong, talk about how you are going to make reparations. It will make it easier for your family to support you if they understand the whys and hows of what you plan to do.
For more tips on breaking bad news, check out the related article on wikiHow.com.
