Unknowingly (or worse, knowingly), you've relegated a man in your life in the worst of all areas to be in guy-girl dynamics: the friend zone. Contrary to what they show in rom-coms, once there, rarely is there a chance for a guy to be considered as more than a friend. Often, we men get blindsided, not knowing how we ended up in relationship purgatory. It then leads to a lot of thinking and retracing steps on where we went wrong. Here are a few things that go through our heads when it happens.
1. Maybe we should have been clear from the start.
Sometimes, when we ask you to hang out, it's really code for an informal date. Often, we can't outright declare it has romantic undertones. We're just trying not to sound cheesy right off the bat, you know.
2. We thought we were at the getting-to-know-you stage.
Once we meet and exchange numbers, it's inevitable for us to ask you out. It's our way of getting to know you and gauging your interest. It doesn't make us friends just yet, right? Why do you keep calling us chong, then?
3. You shouldn't have shared your guy troubles.
When a girl asks for our opinion on men, we're usually open to share. But when you keep telling us how your current flame is mistreating you, our instinct as problem solvers kick in. If we're single, that includes wanting to show you that not all men are douchebags. Then you act surprised when we tell you how we feel about you?
4. You give us mixed signals.
While you may refer to us are your pare, the other things you sometimes do make us think that we're not just your friend. "This girl I fancied would text me she misses me when we don't see each other and tells me I make her day when I message her," says Will, 22. "I really thought we're progressing until I saw her Facebook status that she got into a relationship with some other guy."
5. Why did you introduce us to your close girl friends and family?
Meeting your family and close friends is a big deal. But we're not your guy best friend, so what are we, then? "A girl once asked me to meet her girl friends and family. I figured it's part of the process," recalls Roy, 25. "That gave me confidence that she liked me but, only to find out she did...as a friend."
6. You said "you wished more guys were like us."
Saying that you like anything about us is music to our ears. When you wish more men resemble us, then it leads us to believe that we can be the man for you. Also...
7. We made an effort because we like you.
We listen to you and we make an effort to do things for you. While we grant favors to our friends, it's different when we like you as more than a friend. "Usually, I go beyond my boundaries to prove to the girl that I really like her," says Pedro, 30. So when we volunteer to drive you everywhere, it's not just because we're friendly.
8. Friends can be great lovers, too!
What do William and Kate and Asthon and Mila have in common? These couples were just friends, too, at some point. Believe it or not, a friend is the best type of romantic partner—science backs it up! A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that lovers who are close friends enjoy a healthier relationship in all aspects including sex. Perhaps, next time, give us a second look before relegating us to the friend zone.
SCREENCAP: Something Borrowed/Pioneer Films (2011); GIFS: Giphy