Much has been said and written about men and their inability to remain loyal, but let’s get one thing straight. Behind every lying, cheating husband or boyfriend out there is an old flame who probably broke his heart in the same manner. Infidelity, after all, is a two-way street.

Here are some of the things guys who got cheated on go through:

1. We feel insecure, inadequate, and emasculated.
It’s inevitable for us to think that your infidelity has everything to do with our perceived shortcomings. Is it because we’re not handsome or rich or adventurous enough? Is he funnier? Smarter? Taller? Better in bed? We cry in buckets as we figure it out.

2. We feel the urge to cheat back.
Some guys deal with with the pain by settling the score. "Because of what my then-girlfriend had done, it made me feel less guilty about fooling around with other girls," shares RJ, 30. "It became a regular occurrence, and that’s when we both knew things weren’t going to work out."

3. We constantly think about the girl having sex with the other guy.
It’s one thing to forgive, but forgetting is half the battle. More often than not, a girl with stained record is going to have to deal with a paranoid boyfriend. "I often struggle with the thought of my girlfriend sleeping with the other guy," reveals Joseph, 28. "I can’t help it, so we always end up fighting."

4. We want to hurt the guy you slept with.
We want to know who the guy is, so we could find him and ruin his life in return. We want to beat him up. Hack his Facebook account. Trash his car. Sleep with his girlfriend and/or sister. But that’s just our egos talking, so we don’t actually push through on anything.

5. We develop the notion that adultery is, for the lack of a better word, normal.
We fought it for as long and hard as we could, so for things to end on a sour note must mean infidelity is, indeed, inevitable. "When I found out that my ex was cheating on me, I started to do the same thing," Manuel, 29, points out. "I eventually found a new girlfriend, but my unfaithfulness continued."

6. We use it as an excuse to really let go.
All the things you told us not to do when we were still together–grow a beard, gain weight, get drunk, slack off–suddenly sound appealing. We already feel like crap anyway, so might as well look the part. Consider it our own little way of exacting revenge.

7. We feel compelled to evolve.
After a period of misery, we set out to prove that we can become the man you’ve always wanted us to be. "I wanted to feel good about myself again," says Kel, 28. "So I enrolled in Jiu-jitsu classes, lost weight, and updated my wardrobe. I feel like I’m date-able again," When we put focus on the things we can control, we become less angry about the things we can’t.

PHOTO: Kat N.L.M/Flickr Creative Commons; GIF: Giphy

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