Fights and arguments will always be a part of any romantic relationship – they are completely unavoidable. There may even be times when you let your emotions get in the way and you end up hurting your partner (and yourself) unintentionally. But new research shows that there’s a way to put a halt to a bickering session before it gets out of hand.

According to a study published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, it’s essential to take a pause and contemplate on whether the cause of the fight (such as pet peeves, little disappointments, or annoying habits) are actually worth bickering about. When you’re in a heated argument with your beau, chances are, you’re overwhelmed with emotion and you may say or do things you’ll most likely regret later on.

But, you also have to remember that not fighting at all can be a bad thing. NYC-based licensed psychotherapist Katherine Schafler says that there are still some benefits, too – as long as they’re constructive and not destructive. When you and your partner get into a heated argument, it could be a chance to get to know each other on a deeper level. “If something has bothered you, there’s an opportunity to explain why it bothered you. Fights typically trigger old wounds, and conflicts present an opportunity to share our unique histories and subsequent sensitivities.”

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