Christmas is the most joyous time of the year—but, for many couples, it can also be the most stressful. After all, we’re talking about two individuals who, prior to getting together, had their own ways of celebrating the holidays.
FN offers advice for dealing with some of the most common dilemmas:
SITUATION #1: He wants you to have Christmas Eve dinner with his parents; you want to spend it with yours.
SOLUTION: Compromise. Who says you can’t attend both families’ gatherings in the same evening? If the first dinner ends early, you can always join the second one, even if only for dessert. Another option would be to spend Christmas Eve with his, then Christmas Day with yours. And then alternate your plans next year—Christmas Eve with yours, and Christmas Day with his. It helps if you can plan your holiday schedules a month in advance, so that you can advise both sides accordingly and not disappoint them at the last minute, but even if early notice isn’t always possible, this is still a great way to compromise on the question of where to have your Noche Buena.
SITUATION #2: You like to go all-out on holiday presents; he wants to set a budget.
SOLUTION: If you’re earning your own money, then you can spend as much as you please; just don’t expect him to do the same with his money. Still, if you’re buying a gift to give together (as you’re likely to for relatives and common friends), the solution is to negotiate for a budget that’s somewhere in the middle between his and yours. Try to understand that he is not controlling you or questioning your generosity; he is just doing what he feels is sensible to him.
SITUATION #3: You want to throw a big party at your home; he doesn’t.
THE SOLUTION: Maybe he just wants to spare you from the stress of cleaning up once the party is over, or he doesn’t feel comfortable in big crowds. So instead of inviting one big group over, split them up into smaller groups—for example, high school barkada one night, family members another day. This way, the party size (and its aftermath) will be more manageable.
SITUATION #4: You’re the one doing all the shopping—including buying gifts for his friends and his family—and it’s starting to annoy you.
THE SOLUTION: The key is to start shopping early—we’re talking months ahead. Not all guys have the stamina to brave the holiday crush at the malls, so bring him shopping around September or October under the guise of your normal weekend dates. When you’re shopping and see something interesting, point it out to him (“That would make a nice Christmas gift for your mom, don’t you think?”) to get his opinion. Not only will you get him involved, you’ll even have someone to help you carry all the purchases! Still, if this is a problem you’re currently facing, consider purchasing gifts over the Internet! Just make sure to practice online shopping safety measures.
SITUATION #5: You want to spend the holidays out of town or even abroad; he wants to stay at home and enjoy the peace and quiet.
THE SOLUTION: This is certainly one instance when you can’t do your own thing and let him do his. The best would be to find a middle ground: instead of spending days and nights outside of home, perhaps you can consider day trips to different nearby provinces every other day. But if he really does not want to ride in a car or airplane “for more than an hour,” consider checking into Manila’s many theme or boutique hotels—even for just a night. It will give you the change of scenery that you need, but also keep him on home ground where he likes it. Just remember that if this comes up again next year, it helps if you plan months in advance, to make room for compromises and leave out last-minute disappointments.
(Photo from The Family Stone courtesy of 20th Century Fox)
