Time really flies. It feels like it was only yesterday, not six months. I still remember everything that happened. Back then, all I did was cry. I couldn’t even sleep and eat.
I lost weight and gained dark circles under my eyes. Instead of resting, I would only listen to sad songs and torture myself until dawn. I would cry until I got tired and I couldn't cry anymore. I was totally lost at that time, because I loved too much until nothing was left of me. There were nights that I would keep walking with no destination in mind, until I would find myself going to the park at the Triangle.
It was a place that had a lot of beautiful memories of us together, a place where everything started, where we began building our dreams. I would just stare at happy couples who were like old portraits of us. I would sit in a corner and see his face everywhere. Every song, every movie, every place, every meal, and every simple thing reminded me of him.
Every day, I would wait for his name to appear on my phone, and pray for a message or a call. And whenever the doorbell rang, I would always hope that it would be him coming to see me.
I never saw it coming, and no one thought it would happen. If I had, I would have my best to avoid it. The day that he decided to go was the day he chose to fall out of love and left half of me lifeless.
Denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance. I've been through all of them. I have denied the fact that he left me, that he threw all those amazing memories we had for years. I kept on chasing him. I kept on calling and sending him messages and I even tried several times to see him. I grabbed all the chances I could, but it's hard to chase someone who has decided to un-love you.
How could I fight if I were the only one left fighting? How could I fight if he wanted to push me out of his life? I kept on bargaining that our relationship would be better as long as we remained strong, as long as we helped each other, as long as we loved one another. I had believed our love was strong enough to endure life’s struggles, but I was wrong.
Getting through a heartbreak was not easy. It was painful because I thought I had finally found The One. It was hard to face the reality that the person who had been a big part of my life was gone. That he'd gone together with our love and dreams. Every update about him felt like a knife stabbing my heart. A lot of people showed support but only a few stood by me through it all. It was hard to let go of the one person you love, but it was much harder knowing that he left you without a choice.
Letting go doesn't mean you've lost a battle. It only means that you’re brave enough to go through the pain.
How did I manage to accept things and move on? You have to feel and embrace the pain, because no one can help you unless you help yourself. I started doing things on my own that I hadn't tried before. I kept myself busy to avoid thinking of the things that were running after me. I kept writing poems and stories. I enrolled myself in a gym. I tried hiking and I also traveled alone.
I had to find my soul that I lost in the process of loving unconditionally. I needed to be refreshed, recharged, and restored. I started talking to people whom I distanced myself from before, and I was able to meet new people in my journey.
I once asked God why he had to shred my dreams and break my heart. I prayed hard for His guidance. I trusted Him to lead the way and I lifted everything to Him. Then I realized, I lost the man I loved but I was truly blessed to be loved by my family and friends. People leave you for you to find your own purpose.
Moving on is a learning process. Now, I have finally come to the realization that it is only difficult at first, but as the days go on, you will feel lighter and even thank the changes it has brought you. There is nothing wrong with love, but you have to love yourself more than anyone else. Don't be afraid to get back up, to live again, and to dream again. Forget what hurt you, but never forget the lesson it has taught you.
Today, as I remember it, it was indeed painful, but I am thankful it happened. It has changed me, and made me more mature, stronger, and wiser. Looking back, I am no longer the weak person that I used to be and I can now smile genuinely with all my heart. I may still be single, but I'm loving every single moment of it.
Take this chance to make yourself better and whole again.
Heartbreak isn’t a bad thing because it shows us that we have the strength to wait for the person that God wants to be in our lives. We will never know where the road will take us, but time has a wonderful way of showing what really matters. I believe and trust in the magic of beginnings, and I look forward to that one day when I will meet The One.
*Minor edits have been made by the Femalenetwork.com editors
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