Whether you know someone who has been cheated on or you yourself have been on the painful end of an affair, you've probably asked the following questions: Do men and women have different definitions of cheating? Does there have to be physical contact to be considered cheating? Why do people cheat online? Why do people cheat, full stop?
Esquire Philippines talked to several men about their views on cheating via the Internet, and they gave pretty specific answers. Here are the honest-to-goodness responses they got, so that you'll at least have some idea of what's going on in their heads.
1. It feels good. —Jon, 30
“Is flirting online considered cheating? Yes, because you don’t want your girl to find out about that. There’s a thrill to it that I can’t explain, it just feels good when you’re flirting with two women at the same time.”
2. Men are insecure sometimes. —Mat, 31
“What is cheating? I guess when you begin to hide stuff from your partner, like you don’t want her to find out about something, or if you think that she will think it’s suspicious yet you still do it. Personally, I think one of the reasons why men flirt online or through text is because their partners are more successful than they are.”
3. There is more temptation online. —Marco, 30
“I guess the fact that online or social media and the Internet offer a wider array of temptations or more platforms for us to cheat or play around. There are so many platforms available for that—video calls, encrypted chats, online dating apps, even Facebook. But hey, it’s the wielder of the whip who lashes, not the whip. At the end of the day, it’s the person who makes these decisions, not the apps.”
4. Sometimes, men just get attracted to someone else. —Anthony, 35
"Sometimes, we just get attracted to someone else, just like women do. There could be some qualities in one woman that your partner does not have, that’s why we are tempted to entertain that other woman we meet online. Of course, it’s wrong to trade 90 percent of your happiness for the 10 percent that is missing in your partner.”
5. Their lists of standards are not met. —Ralph, 31
“Men look for their partners’ missing qualities online. Let’s say you have a list of standards about the qualities of an ideal girlfriend, like being pretty, sexy, honest, kind, and decent. In that list of five traits, your girl has three. Then you encounter another girl who has the two other qualities you are looking for. That’s the point when you are tempted to cheat."
“Everyone has this list of standards about their ideal man or woman, but no one is perfect and they won’t likely find the woman who possesses all the qualities on that list. Men cheat because they want to satisfy their list of standards of what is the ideal woman for them, and this applies to everyone else, including women.”
6. Some men cheat to feel more like men. —Vincent, 31
“When a woman earns more than a man, I think that affect’s a man’s ego. That makes him insecure and feel less of a man because of society’s expectation that he should be able to provide. So he finds someone who he can provide for to make him feel like a man.”
7. Some men are just looking for more satisfaction. —Jose, 30
“Men cheat because it is a source of gratification for them. For example, some boys prefer apples, while some like bananas, others prefer both. For the truly curious ones, they want the entire fruit bowl. You just have to realize that you can’t have your cake and eat it, too, without getting into trouble. The Internet is a place full of 'fruit' and it’s easily accessible, so..."
8. Some men cheat because there is someone better. —Anton, 26
“I had this huge crush on a girl, and ever since, her qualities became my set of standards for the ideal woman. If she ever walks back in my life and wants me, I’d probably be tempted to cheat. She’s been cemented in my memory.”
9. Men cheat because they no longer love their partners. —Ethan, 27
“This is probably one of the hardest reasons why men entertain other women online through various platforms. If a man elects to flirt with another women or have video sex with her, it’s probably because he has little or no affection anymore for his partner. But I think most of the time, men naakit lang, but that’s the point. Love entails running away from temptation. Running away from temptation is much easier than resisting it.”