You and your guy seemed to have the perfect relationship, but you’ve recently started to notice that things aren’t as great as they used to be. Odd behavior, excuses about his whereabouts, and waning interest in dates or sex—these are just some of the things you’ve noticed about your once devoted partner.
They say a woman’s instinct is rarely wrong, especially when it comes to relationships, and many women in your situation would make that leap from “He’s working late nights at the office” to “He might be spending his time with some other woman.” But is he really cheating on you, or are you just overreacting?
Take the quiz to find out if your guy is taking you for a ride on the two-timer rollercoaster, then read our tips on how to deal with the relationship ups and downs you may encounter.
Note: This quiz is not a accurate measure of infidelity. We believe that the only way you and your guy can get to the bottom of issues such as this would be through a good, honest, face-to-face conversation. Should you discover your relationship is suffering from issues like infidelity or mistrust, we strongly recommend making full use of your emotional support systems and/or considering consultation with a counselor or therapist.
(Photo by Katie Tegetmeyer via Flickr Creative Commons)
Do you suspect your man has been unfaithful? This is a very serious charge, and it isn't one you should make without proof. Still, if your gut is telling you something is up, sometimes it can help to keep an eye out for infidelity warning signs. FN lists just eight of these below:
1. HE IS OUT OF REACH, AND HIS BEHAVIOR CHANGES SUDDENLY.
Abrupt and unexplained changes in schedule are one of the sure signs of cheating. A survey conducted by TruthAboutDeception.com asked readers how they found out their partner was cheating on them, and the two most common answers were:
- Partner is suddenly impossible to get a hold of during certain times of the day when they should be available—like during lunch or right after work
- Excessive showering—coming home and immediately needing a shower when this wasn't the case before.
2. HE IS EMOTIONALLY DISTANT.
Even when they brag about it, men do feel guilty when they cheat on their significant others. But rather than talk about it with friends or their partner, this guilt is reflected in being emotionally distant and frequently preoccupied.
3. HE LOSES INTEREST IN HAVING SEX WITH YOU.
Some women whose partners have cheated on them report that their partners started showing signs of impotence, presumably after having already had sex with other women.
4. HE TURNS THE TABLES ON YOU.
Psychologists call it projection. In an attempt to deflect his guilt over his own actions, your man may be projecting them onto you. So if he’s suddenly accusing you of cheating without due cause, he’s just looking for a way out or looking for a reason to make you focus on fixing your behavior—so you don’t notice his own transgressions.
5. HE HAS BECOME MORE SOCIAL, IN A NETWORKING SENSE.
While text messages are perhaps the most common and obvious source for incriminating evidence, updates and messages via Facebook and Twitter are swiftly catching up. IllicitEncounters.com, a UK website which specializes in extramarital dating, surveyed 800 of its members and asked how they had gotten “caught.” A whopping 41 percent of those who responded said that they were caught via Facebook, while over 61 percent said that it was an SMS that did them in.
6. HE DISPLAYS SUDDEN NARCISSISTIC TENDENCIES.
In the movie Unfaithful, Richard Gere learns of his wife’s affair after he notices that she’s taking more time and care with her appearance, even buying new lingerie. While your guy may not exactly be buying new sexy briefs, his renewed interest in his appearance may be because of a new woman who appreciates the view.
7. HE SEEMS MORE AGGRESSIVE, AS IF HE'S SPOILING FOR A FIGHT.
If he’s picking fight for no apparent reason and generally making mountains out of molehills, it may be a sign that he’s getting bored and irritated with your relationship. He’s probably thinking that if he does this often enough, you’ll get tired of it and break up with him, thus giving him a way out.
8. SOMETHING TRIGGERS YOUR INNER ALARMS.
If your instinct is telling you something is wrong, don’t ignore it. While women’s intuition isn’t foolproof, you should still learn to distinguish between a false alarm and a bug that keeps tripping your gut.
If you suspect your partner of cheating, gather evidence, but be discreet about it. Accusing him of cheating without proof can work against you. If he’s not cheating, you may drive him into doing so, or at least add even more problems to your relationship once he starts to believe that you don’t trust him. Even if he is unfaithful, chances are, he’ll flat-out deny the whole thing, which will just make you more frustrated.
More importantly, finding the right evidence of your claims will negate the need for confirmation by your partner. Some men adhere to the old rule: deny until you die. Gathering facts and evidence that point to cheating beyond a reasonable doubt can help you make the proper decisions about whether or not you want to give the relationship another chance.
And that’s something only you can decide.