October 28, 2011
I met him on the phone. I remember it very clearly. He was calling at work to dicuss a business matter. For some reason, as soon as we got off the phone, I felt a strong urge to call him back just to hear his voice. Back then, I'd usually talk to around 30-40 people every night and forget about them instantly. But with him, I had a different feeling.
After a few days, I decided to look him up–the stranger I fell in love with on the phone.
I was just your average woman. I have two kids and I was raising them alone. I'd go to work, then head home right after. I was okay, I had a plan: I was going to put my kids through school and eventually grow old taking care of my grandchildren.
But then, I fell in love and life was never the same.
At first I thought it was just a passing feeling. Who would have thought I'd ever fall in love with a complete stranger? But he gave me a different kind of high, and just the thought of him would make me smile. Thanks to Facebook and Yahoo! Messenger, I found him and reached out to him. We started talking everyday. I'd hurry home after my shift just to have a conversation with him until we both fell asleep.
Out of wanting to please him so badly, I told him a lot of half-truths and lies. I wanted him, so I created an image he would like. I wasn't expecting him to take me seriously.
I told him my first marriage had long been annulled, but it was not. I wasn't legally separated. He expected that I was working on my US documents and that my family was taking care of them, but they didn’t even know what I was up to. In the beginning, all I wanted was a fun experience. But after months of constant communication, we became a couple. Eventually, he decided to come and visit me and despite my lies, I was in heaven. I couldn't wait.
February 20, 2013
I picked him up at the airport. It was the first time we ever saw each other in person and there was no awkwardness at all. It felt like we had known each other forever.
Despite our happy introductions, his first visit was when all my real drama started. I ended up telling even more lies and I didn't want to come clean for fear of losing him. I even invented reason to stop him from travelling to my hometown, and even though he started getting suspicious, he chose to believe everything.
I got my passport a week after he went back home. I applied for a US visa and waited two months for my interview. I was full of hope and I missed him terribly.
While I was waiting for my interview, I found out I was pregnant. I couldn't be happier. But then, fate had other plans–my visa application was denied and due to stress, I lost our baby. I had a hard time dealing with the miscarriage emotionally. I was afraid he would leave me – but he stayed and visited me again a few months later.
He wanted to marry me. I didn't know how I was going to tell him that I wasn't legally separated so instead, I paid someone to tell him that all our marriage papers would be taken care of. He left thinking that we were already married.
I guess I was still blessed, since few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant again. I called him crying and told him the news. He was happy. It would have been much easier had I told him that I couldn't leave the country unless he helped me, but once again, I chose to stay silent.
I was months pregnant and all alone. My family thought that I was already in the US, but I was still in the country preparing for my visa interview. Unfortunately, my application got denied again, and after seven days, I had another miscarriage. I was rushed to the hospital where the doctor told me that my baby's heart had stopped beating. I felt like that was it for me. I couldn't tell my family where I was. I lost my baby. I lost my job. I lost my mind. After the operation, I stopped talking to people and travelled around the country to find myself. I called him every now and then but I couldn’t tell him what happened to our baby boy.
I had a friend keep in touch with my family who thought I was doing well, and another to contact him and make sure he was okay.
I ran away to forget and let go only to find out that I couldn't. I went back to the city still so lost.
During my disappearance, he lost most of his friends. He spent a lot of money looking for me and he almost lost his job. Worst of all, he thought he had a son. I never realized how grave my actions were until then. Eventually, I found out he was coming back to visit my kids so I began to gather the courage to face him.
When he came back, he was surprised to see me. I told him about what happened to our boy. I thought he would lash out on me, but instead, he said wanted to start over.
No, I didn't tell him our marriage isn't legitimate. I had my chance, but I blew it. I was scared it would be the last straw and that would leave me for good. Every time I think about the lies I told him, I die a little inside.
March 28, 2016
I brought him to the airport. As of this writing, I'm currently waiting for another visa interview but I keep delaying it. I don't know if I'll ever see him again, but I know I'll just have to see what happens then. I just hope I can still see him again.
*Minor edits have been made by the Femalenetwork.com editors
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