Celebrity adultery is a hot topic these days—the rumors concerning Manny Pacquiao and Krista Ranillo barely had time to cool before news of Tiger Woods’ multiple infidelities was flying through cyberspace. Add to this Hayden Kho’s repeated infidelities and alleged suicide attempt , and you have tons of fodder for the tabloids and net chatrooms. Gossip blogs like Perezhilton.com have even taken to countdowns of the pro-golfer’s alleged mistresses; the most recent tally racking up to an ominous 13. Still, the most unsettling thing about Woods’ scandal—aside from the daily public humiliation his wife must be facing—is how indiscriminate the alleged affairs seem to be. Waitresses, club promoters, and adult-film stars are noted among the shuffle of women who have come forward or been outed as extramarital companions of the World No. 1 golfer. The big question is this: could any man (including yours) with so long a list of sexual partners be a mere Casanova—or is he already considered a sex addict?
Is it lust or is it addiction?
Malyn Cristobal, a family counselor from the Living Free Foundation, offers an explanation for this phenomenon.
“[These men’s] struggle mirrors those of people suffering from addiction to alcohol, drugs, shopping, relationships, food, sex or love. Addicts have a pathological relationship with a substance or event despite adverse consequences. In all cases, the addict may wish to stop yet repeatedly fails to do so resulting to consequences like: losing relationships, getting arrested, problems in the workplace, financial troubles, low self-esteem, a loss of interest in things (except his addiction) and a feeling of despair. This is the nature of the addictive behavior. In [a particular patient’s] case, he knows that what he’s doing will not do him good but he can’t stop. It’s not because he’s a bad person or someone who is preoccupied with sex, but because he thinks sex will fill the void he feels. It will do so temporarily (a “quick fix”) but the void will remain.
“Sex and love addicts use sex to answer a need which is never actually lust but a need for love, attention, relief from stress, or validation. Sometimes, what makes it addictive is the excitement, the planning and the illusion of being in control, not the sex act itself. It becomes a preoccupation that creates a pattern of behavior including the rituals, that leads to acting out—in the form of flirting, surfing the Net, pornography, masturbating, or all of it, which is what [the addict calls] his addictive cycle.
“Sex and love addiction, like all other addictions, requires a commitment to recovery. Efforts towards recovery require consistency, vigilance and steadfastness.”
It’s not just men who are susceptible to this syndrome. If you—or someone you love—suffers from an excessive desire for sex, here are twelve questions to ask yourself:
Do you suspect your partner could be a sex addict? Do any of the traits in the quiz seem familiar? Share your experiences. Leave a comment below or talk it up with other GIRLTalkers on our forum!
