I know I ought to let you go already. But how I could I let go of someone who was never mine to begin with. This goodbye is my nth attempt to get you out of my system. Yet why do I have this feeling that every time I step away from you, you are there again trying to sway me. This craze has gone on for too long and I need to end it before you can hurt me once again.
You were blunt enough to let me know where we really stood to begin with, but can you blame me for hoping for something more? I have invested so much of my time, attention, and feelings towards you. I know that you didn’t ask me to do that, but I did, and I’m not regretting it all. The days I spent with you make up my happiest and fondest memories.
Nights turned to days just to help you adjust in your new environment. Notwithstanding the two-hour sleep, I'd still talk to you in the wee hours of the morning trying to make you feel better because you needed someone to calm you down. You then became my only world.
Instead of building my social network, my days were spent in front of the computer, and Skype and Yahoo Messenger became my best friends. Months went by and our routine remained like this. I never complained about it. You made me feel that there was something going on between us. It was like we were more than just friends but less than lovers. I felt contented with that, I didn’t solicit for more. And maybe that was my greatest mistake. I should have asked where this so-called "friendship" would lead us. I shouldn't have just assumed. I should have talked to you about it.
When your calls suddenly lessened, I felt that something big was about to explode in my face. And I was right. Later that night, you told me that you found someone already. You were very ecstatic about it that you weren’t able to hear the pain that I was experiencing. Hearing that news nearly shattered my world. It is with tears that I uttered my most painful reply: "I am so happy for you." From the moment you said that you were happy with her, I knew deep in my heart that our "fairytale" had ended.
Trying to move on and forget you was the hardest thing I had to do. Hurting became a part of my daily routine. I could no longer count the buckets of tears that I cried for you. I know I have no right to question you about your decision since there was never an "us" from the start. I just assumed or then again maybe you led me to think that way. Every sad song I equated to you, to "us." I was, indeed, brokenhearted. On my end, I knew it was love, and it makes me so sad that it ended before it even started.
Time passed and little by little my devastated heart healed. I am thankful for my family and friends who made me realize that I could be whole again. I decided to let go of the pain and embraced a new beginning. I came to reach a very important life-changing decision. Although it was hard, I decided to go out of my comfort zone. Determined to forget you, I began a new chapter of my life in an unfamiliar place.
It took lots of time and patience before I could wholeheartedly say that I could open my heart once again. But the universe was not through playing games. As I was closing the "you and me" chapter of my book, all of a sudden, by a twist of faith, our paths crossed again.
We were very casual from the start, the epitome of friends trying to catch up and make up for lost time. It felt good to talk to you once again, to laugh at each other’s jokes and talk about anything under the sun. I missed the friend I had with you. You still managed to bring out the best and the worst in me. You still knew how to make me smile and make me feel loved. Little did I know that that silly conversations we had would be the start of another roller-coaster ride of emotions.
The communication lines reopened. Yahoo Messenger and Skype were back in circulation. You became my constant virtual companion once more. As much as I wanted to shield myself from you, there was a big part of me that simply couldn't resist you. I had yet again fallen for your sweet lies. I should have known better this time, but I failed again. Maybe because I still long to be with you, I still and will always love you.
The amount of hurt was not as much as it had been before, but I felt so stupid to be lied to for the second time around. I had again let you play with my feelings. You made me believe that it was our turn now. All along I thought I was really over you, but I guess that’s just what I was trying to believe yet not what I really felt. I don’t know how much time it would take me to forget the pain.
You will always occupy a special place in my heart. I am still holding on to the thought that someday we can still end up together. I can still picture my future with you by my side. But at the moment, I need to move away from you before you can again ruin the new world that I've just started building. For now, I’ll be moving on to the next chapter of my book. I will try hard to exclude you. Let me chase my dreams as I let you chase yours. Let me embrace the chance to be loved by someone who will love me as much as I love him. Let me have my fair chance at a happy ending.
I have decided not to cling to my past anymore, and when I say past, you are included in it. For the meantime I won’t entertain any of your calls until I can finally say that I am over you. Even if we don't end up together, I don’t want to lose you completely. I hope that in time we can still talk like the old friends that we are. I am still thanking God for bring you into my life for you have brought so many wonderful changes in it.
You have made me the strong and mature person that I am right now. At the end of the day, when someone opens my book of life, they'll see you in almost all of the chapters. I'm not closing my doors on you because if destiny wants the two of us to be together, the universe will play its part to make our paths cross again in the future–no matter how impossible it may seem. Maybe by that time it would be "our" time. But until then, I’m going say my sweet goodbye to you Gio. Until we meet again.
*Minor edits have been made by the Femalenetwork.com editors
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