You focus on the things your significant other cannot do.
Whether that’s something as mundane as taking out the trash, or something big like not being able to connect with your parents, paying attention to the things your partner can’t do will only let him harbour bitterness.
Robert Leahy Ph.D., the director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy in New York City and clinical professor of psychology at Weill-Cornell Medical School says you shouldn’t label your partner since you attribute a negative personality trait to your partner, leading you to believe that he or she can never change. Instead of nagging him and pointing out all his mistakes, dig deeper and understand what’s causing him to act that way so you’ll know what to do.
You never put yourself in your partner’s shoes.
Some experts say men tend to have difficulties with a skill called accepting influence, or simply the ability to understand your significant other's perspective, even if you don't agree with it. They also added that women tend to be more empathetic, while men find it harder to understand their partner’s situation. This is because men's brains are differently wired. “Marriages in which men don't accept influence from their wives are at a much higher risk for divorce,” says Diane Gehart, professor of marriage and family therapy at California State University, Northridge. To flourish a healthy relationship, it will take both parties to work on it. They both need to put themselves in each other’s shoes.
You don’t know when to hit the brakes in a verbal fight.
Sometimes, it’s better to stop when you feel like what you’re saying isn’t going to help solve the problem. Most of the time, people tend to keep on talking to make a point. Before you know it, you’ve spiralled out of control, spat out mean things to your partner that you just wish you could take back. One way to handle this is to think about the issues you want to point out before engaging a discussion with him. If by any chance you didn’t have time to prepare, make sure to have quick pauses to calm yourself down during the conversation before speaking up.
You start getting too emotional during arguments.
If you and your partner want to talk about a sensitive issue that will probably lead to a heated argument, it’s best if you try to be calm and collected about it all throughout. Raising your voice when you want to make a point will not help solve anything–and letting your emotions take the wheel will only leave you angry and frustrated. Women are said to be more inclined to being aggressive when it comes to talking out issues and it’s probably because women are more likely to go with how they feel, a study says.
You always try to put on a good face.
You may be good with faking your facial expressions, but sometimes, your body will betray you and your true feelings will be revealed. Couples therapist Sue Johnson, Ph.D., author of Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love says that a high-pitched voice, dilated pupils, and a slightly paled complexion is an indicator of fake emotions. “These are all signs that someone is overwhelmed with their own emotions and shifting into a flight or fight mode, so they simply can't tune into their partner in a way that shapes a safe dialogue,” she added.
Instead of trying to hide what you feel, calmly talk about it with your beau. Bottling it up inside won’t help, and will only build resentment. Remember, one of the essential keys to a healthy relationship is communication.
You talk trash about each other behind their backs.
While some people find it easy to open up about their relationship woes to others, it is better to keep it private between you and your partner. Carrie Cole, a couples therapist and certified Gottman master trainer at the Centre for Relationship Wellness in Houston says that some women think it’s normal to talk poorly about their husbands. “It shows a lack of respect for him and your connection, even if he never finds out.”
You don’t fight at all.
It may seem nice to not have arguments with your significant other but just because you two aren’t fighting means there’s nothing wrong. Let’s admit it, there is no perfect relationship, and if you don’t even bother on finding out what’s up with your partner, then that could mean that you don’t care about the relationship anymore.
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