Letting go can be one of the hardest things to do, and though they say that time heals all wounds, you still need to make an effort to move forward after a heart-breaking experience. Getting over a former lover is easier said than done, and it’ll be an emotional rollercoaster ride once you decide that you’re ready to get out of the rut you’re in. But how exactly do you do that? Here are five simple things you should do for yourself:
Free yourself from any kind of emotional burden.
No matter what kind of breakup you went through, they are all equally and certainly painful. A lot of emotions could rise: anger, bitterness, despair, and even a tinge of desire for revenge. If you feel like your emotions are all over the place and the probability of you lashing out on your ex is high, pause and take a deep breath before doing any kind of action. It will also be best to take this time to reflect and recuperate from what happened. If you need to talk to someone, go do so—just be sure this person can be trusted and is reliable to ask for advice.
Regain your power and find yourself again.
In an article from Psychology Today, clinical psychologist Jennifer Kromber says that grieving a breakup is pretty similar to mourning the loss of a loved one and comparable stages of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are experienced. These can overwhelm you, making you feel like you have no control over yourself. Decide to pick up the pieces and put them back together, not for him but for you.
Break the pattern of overthinking the worst
…and let your heart heal. Dwelling on the pain and memories won’t help you move on at all. If you still have some emotional pain lingering inside you, it can and will haunt you until you break them for good.
In a blog post of journalist, producer, and author Maria Shriver’s, it says that emotional baggage is driven by negative thoughts and the power to get rid of it comes from knowing where it stems from and asking yourself these important questions:
“Assuming I can choose to behave any way I want, do I like the way I am behaving?”;
“Should I or others have to suffer because of my past?”; and
“Can I manage painful or uncomfortable emotions by committing to behaving differently?”
Create a positive future for yourself and your former partner.
Although it may be difficult to do this, it will be beneficial for you and your ex, too. Katherine Woodward Thomas, a licensed marriage and family therapist offers a five-step process for getting over a breakup in her new book, Conscious Uncoupling: 5 Steps to Living Happily Even After. She says that time doesn’t heal all wounds; it’s us who can make it happen. “The danger of leaving negative business unfinished to fester creates a diminished capacity to love and be loved moving forward. By making the decision to become a love alchemist, you are asserting your power to create a positive future for yourself and others regardless of how challenging the past has been,” she explained.
Understand that there’s still life after a breakup.
Girl, it’s not the end of the world. You may fall down each time you try to move forward to a better life but you have to get back up and continue the healing process. Remember that you have your family and friends to lean on to when the going gets tough—it may seem impossible, but you’ll definitely get through this.