1. "Beh, wala pa ako…"
Nine out of 10 guys would probably say this is the last thing they want to hear. We tremble at this line when we’re not prepared, and feel ecstatic when you do get your period. If we're trying to have a baby, though, we’d be excited beyond words.
2. "Ikaw bahala…"
Ladies, please don’t give us this false sense of control. You say it’s up to us only to hear things like, "Ay, dito?" or "Wala kasi ako sa mood kumain ng (insert type of food) ngayon eh" when we do decide where to go or what to do. Just tell us what you really want; we’d be happy to oblige.
3. "Ok lang."
Admit it: There’s usually a "kasi naman" later on when we ask you what’s wrong. You want us to be honest, so please give us the same courtesy. If it’s not ok with you, then don’t say that it is.
4. "Can we talk?"
It’s not that we don’t want to talk to you, but any conversation we’re going to have that needs this introduction is never going to be about something good.
5. "Gusto mo mag shopping?"
The honest guy answer is usually no.
6. "Pwede ba nating isama sina…"
There are times when we’d like to be alone with you, so if we planned out something for us to do, please let it just happen. We’d invite our friends if the occasion calls for it.
7. "Bagay ba sa akin 'tong damit na 'to?"
We hate this trap of a question. By answering "No," we might upset you, but saying "Yes" might disappoint you because we’re not being "honest." Please note that you look good to us no matter what you choose to wear. If you want a fashion opinion, ask your girl friends and gay friends.
8. "Ang taba taba ko na!"
I’m sorry if those XXS blouses are too tight now, and you need XS sizes already. You’re not fat. Maybe make this claim if you’re overweight, according to standard weight charts you could access over the internet. Worrying about it won’t make the fat go away anyway. Instead, why not put that bag of potato chips away and let’s do something about it?
9. "Buti pa sa (insert hobby) may oras ka."
Ladies, please let us keep our hobbies. We love you and we want to do things with you, but much like those moments when you want to "find yourself" through travel, alone time, or whatnot, we have our hobbies. Don’t make us choose.
10. "Wala na akong masuot…"
Unless your house was burned down, or was swept by a typhoon, we don’t believe that you have nothing to wear. You can always put something together, so stop making excuses to shop for more clothes.
11. "Wait lang, five minutes!"
If it’s going to take 30 minutes, tell us so that we can find something to keep us occupied rather than stare blankly, waiting for you to come out at any moment. Maybe we can catch the final quarter of a game with a bottle of beer instead of just sitting in the lobby, waiting for you to come out long after five minutes have passed.
12. "Bumili ako ng (insert item), laki ng discount kasi sale!"
Cool, you bought a bag that’s usually P20,000 for only P10,000. What a bargain! However, even without that bag, you’d still be as happy as you are because guess what, you have P10,000 on you that you didn’t spend on a bag you’d probably use two or three times a week at the most.
13. "Notice anything different?"
Unless you dyed your hair green or shaved your head bald, chances are, we probably won't. This question will only make you think of us as insensitive jerks, when really, that slight change of lipstick shade is hardly noticeable for anyone except for you.
14. "Do you remember what today is?"
Not all men are good with dates. Some of us even forget our best buddies’ birthdays. Please don’t expect us to keep track of our first date weeksary or whatnot. It’s not that we don’t value it. We think it was a great day; we just weren’t able to mark it on our calendar.
15. "Tama na yan."
Be it food, alcohol, or a game, please don’t force us to stop. Unless we do something excessively on a daily basis, don’t limit what we do when we’re having a good time. See item #9.
SCREENCAP: Just Go With It / Columbia Pictures (2011)
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