And you thought the toughest part of gift-giving was completing your list before Christmas day. Turns out the really difficult part comes after the wrapper is strewn on the floor and the presents have been exchanged—which is when you have to deal with gifts you don’t want or need. We all manage to deal with the immediate problem masterfully—that is, we smile and give our gushing thanks (as sincerely as we can), all the while reminding ourselves it’s the thought that counts. But the next step is a bit more difficult—figuring out what to do with items that will only clutter up our lives.
The usual solution—one we’ve all been guilty of at one time or another—is to recycle, passing the gifts on to others while pretending we chose them ourselves. Unfortunately, this trick can reek of poor taste and thoughtlessness. So while we don’t exactly condone the practice of regifting, we’ve identified a few ways to make it less about getting rid of stuff we’d rather not keep, and more about repurposing items so that nothing goes to waste.
Mathom fathom. The idea of regifting is nothing new: J.R.R. Tolkien’s masterpiece “The Lord of the Rings” describes the practice of giving away “mathoms,” items with no immediate use that the owners were unwilling to throw away. Designating something as a mathom helps remove the internal stigma of regifting—instead of giving away something you’ve received because you’re too cheap to buy something yourself, you’re merely seeing to it that the gift goes to someone who will actually put it to good use. Author and simplicity guru Elaine St. James, in her book “Simplify Your Life,” advocates collecting your own mathoms as part of the process of uncluttering, a practice that has been adapted to great effect by this writer.
Some important guidelines: make sure the items in question are still in good condition, and put some thought into matching the mathom with its recipient—you want to give them to someone who will appreciate them enough to stop the cycle of regifting, and not add to someone else’s clutter.
Full disclosure. Experts debate this point: Peggy Post, the great granddaughter-in-law of manners guru Emily Post, says “the best approach is to be upfront,” but other columnists recommend keeping your mouth shut. We think the decision depends on the circumstances. Consider what you’re giving and to whom: for instance, if it’s a brand new coffeemaker you’ve received from a supplier, and you’ve already got two coffeemakers in reserve, you can, without guilt and with full disclosure, offer it to your sister-in-law who needs one. But if it’s a gift from a close friend who likely went to great pains deciding what to get, and you still want to pass it on, a little discretion may serve you well. If you’ve decided you can risk being honest, try the words of Real Simple’s resident etiquette expert Julie Rottenberg: “I got this as a present, and it’s wonderful, but I’m never going to use it and thought you would love it.”
Personally yours. This is an obvious but often overlooked point that will mark you as a thoughtless and tacky regifter if you miss it: make sure the gift isn’t personalized with your name. There’s no graceful way to avoid the embarrassment of presenting someone with a set of classy monogrammed towels—that have the wrong initials! Always inspect potential regifts with a critical eye. Even items that aren’t usually personalized may include a special touch from the original giver—think of books that have dedications written on the inside cover, or some odd pages; planners that have notes scribbled on significant dates; or wallets that have gift cards tucked in random compartments.
New wrapper, new gift! When recycling gifts, be thoughtful enough to rewrap the gift, no matter how intact the original wrapping paper is. It also pays to completely unwrap the gift and give it a thorough once-over, to make sure it’s not personalized, as noted above. Gifts that have already been unwrapped and have spent time sitting around in your closet should be cleaned thoroughly. Also, while people now understand the importance of recycling packaging materials, try to avoid using gift boxes that have rips and marks where the tape was previously peeled off them. If you must recycle packaging, do it decisively, with reused magazine pages or repurposed boxes—you want your friends to appreciate your green thinking, and not shake their heads at your lack of effort.
Little black list. One-time regifters won’t have to worry about this, but those who make a regular practice of it—and who receive too many gifts to keep track of—will find it useful to keep a list of who gave what so they don’t inadvertently “return to sender.” Integrate this information into your Christmas list and make it do double-duty: not only can you keep track of who gave you what, you can also cross-reference and plan whom to pass the gifts on to. This is especially helpful when following the next tip.
Different circles. Now that regifting is a rampant practice (or at least more people are owning up to it), you never know how many hands your gift has passed through. Limit the possibility of having the original giver seeing her gift being used by a common friend: recycle gifts only across completely different social and family circles.
Expiration anticipation. If the gift is perishable, take note of the expiry dates. Make sure the recipient has at least a few weeks’ leeway (for food) before their gift goes bad; leave longer times for items like makeup or toiletries. Watch out for this if you’re a forward-thinking shopper (or regifter) who collects potential presents throughout the year. To keep things simple, try to regift as soon as you receive something, and do your best to give away only brand new items. Things you’ve kept for longer can be given away as hand-me-downs during the year, instead of as specific gifts for the holidays.
The best intentions. This may be the most important rule yet, and should be the final test for any gift, whether new or recycled. The Sun Journal’s “15 tips to regift without getting caught” encapsulates this criteria in one simple question: “Will the recipient smile when they open your regift?” That, in a nutshell, is what giving gifts is all about, after all.
