Just because it's called social media doesn't mean you need to share every single aspect of your life with the socialsphere. If you need to vent out, try a therapist or call your best bud and rant about your mutual dislike for traffic, your boss, and everything else in between. If your endgame, however, is to die a quick social networking death, here are some easy tricks to get the job done pronto!
Bash, troll, or torment your friends. Got a different opinion? Give them a piece of your mind. While you're at it, go after random strangers as well. There are tons of rabid fanatics supporting various love teams from competing networks. Start a feud by saying all the nasty things you can dig up or make stuff up as you go. Don't forget to keep your profile public to make it easier for the haters to get back at you.
2. Photo Manipulation
Dredge out all those embarrassing photos your friends have that are in your files and start posting them for the world to see. Don't forget to tag your friends and include killer captions. When it comes to those embarrassing snapshots, the saying, "Don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you" applies 100 percent. Plus points if you look amazing in them and your friends clearly do not. Just get ready to be UNFRIENDED. UNFOLLOWED. AND REPORTED AS SPAM.
3. Gossip Girl
Get Queen B status by spreading juicy details about everyone you know. No need to fact check, just get the word out and watch that gossip spread like wildfire. The rumor mill has a way of coming back, so it will only be a matter of time before you become the center of attention. No guarantees if the publicity will be good or bad, but hey, like they say in advertising, there's no such thing as bad promotion.
4. Pretentious Princess
Jealous of someone's lavish lifestyle? No problemo, just surf the internet and grab photos you fancy and claim them as your own. Keep your online persona up to date with the latest happenings around the metro and be sure to show up in the immediate vicinity and check in your location. The jig is up when someone in your contact list is actually at the event and calls you out for being a fraud. Same goes for those photos that you grabbed from a popular site or celebrity account. Someone is bound to recognize your #blessedBS.
5. Pabebe Everything
Pabebe: the act of trying extremely hard to look cute. Whether it is in your overly filtered photo adorned with stickers or the the pa-cute OOTD posts, the constant sharing of awwww animal photos, or the way you converse with others on social networks will get your not-so-baby's bottom kicked out of social circles. Trying to be cute is actually so NOT cute!
6. Quotes Quota
Posting, reposting, and liking every quote you feel is totally meant for you is a surefire way to get the attention of others who now recognize you as the emotionally damaged spammer on their feed. Post five quotes/memes in an hour to get unfollowed, boost the frequency or post count if you want to be blocked by your pals.
7. Crime of Passion
Wanna let your network know how in love you and your SO are? Utilize your status update to say sweet nothings or compliment your BF. It doesn't matter if you are just two feet away from each other because your single friends need to know how blissfully happy you lovebirds are. Up the ante with saccharine sweet PDA photos, Snapchats of presents, notes, and anything that will hopefully induce likes or someone to comment GOALS on your post. Odds are, you'll be getting more likes when your relationship status goes from "in a relationship" to "single."
8. Selfie Suffocation
Prove to the world how much GGSS (gandang ganda sa sarili) you are. You gotta love yourself so others will love you, right? Take notes from Kim K and her famous brood to get your selfie game on point. Bend your back to pop that booty, pout like a trout, and show your goods. Claim internet fame and watch your attempts be turned into a viral meme for people to laugh at for years to come. With so many people on social media, anything you put out there can spread like wildfire or can be screencapped and immortalized no matter how quickly you click that delete button.
PHOTO: Flickr Creative Commons/Tom Waterhouse; GIFS: Giphy