problems of our kids sa school (bullying etc..)

[DV]

Anyway, kinausap namin the next day si teacher about the incident. And hinayan lang nya kami na kausapin ko yung kid. I asked the kid:
ME: What you did to our son is not nice. Alam mo ba na ang saliva dirty. Maraming bacteria etc etc,,, Papatawag namin mommy or daddy mo.
KID: Wala dito mommy ko at daddy ko
ME: Kung sino kasama mo sa bahay papatawag namin...
KID: *walang imik*

1choi_ko9, the teacher let you talk to the child directly? Based on what you wrote, you were nice naman in talking to the child, but I think this is not the right way to resolve this issue. If we learned anything from the CSA incident, one of them is that the PARENTS/GUARDIANS of both children should talk, not one parent and the other child. Parents have the right to discipline their own children, not others. Kung wala ang parents, the teacher and school authorities should be the one to provide guidance, but in your case, apparently mahina ang pag-handle ng bullying sa school dahil mismong principal hindi alam ang gagawin. Maybe you can approach the PTA to demand from the school na magkaroon ng solid/stricter procedures sa pag-handle ng bullying.

[evilwoman]

^ im also surprised na pinayagan ang ganyan sa school although may nabasa na din akong gtalker na ganyan ang ginawa. no offense meant pero ang dating sa akin e "pinagbantaan" ni 1choi_ko9 yung bata. kahit pa sabihing in a nice way yung pagkausap, iba kasi ang impact nyan sa bata esp pag stranger ang kakausap sa kanya. ayan malamang mas kailangan na nga ng bata ng counseling. 

[1choi_ko9]

^siguro mabait in a way dahil sa ibang parents na nakita ko and kwento ng principal and teachers nagalit talaga ang parents nung nalaman dinuraan nung bata yung anak nila. Yes wala ginawa masyadong action yung school kase naka ilang offense na nagawa nung batang yon bago pa man masuspend. And i believe as a parent umpisa pa lang dapat ginawan na ng paraan ng school yung ginawa nung bata na yon umpisa pa lang.

I find that kid "kulang sa pansin" observation ko lang, kawawa in a way kase yon nga wala parents nya to assist him and guide him eh. I think only the lola and a yaya. Eh syempre ang lola loves their apos to bits bihira mapagalitan, sunod palagi...kaya siguro nagkaganon ang bata. Observation ko lang naman yon.

sis evilwoman, if you think pinagbantaan ko yung bata, thats your opinion and i respect that. Kaso on my part as a mother, i need to do something about it. Hindi naman ako nagwala don at pinagsigawan ang bata e. Siguro iisipin nyo rin na "pinatulan" ko ang bata? I dont think so...anak ko yun dinuraan nya! And ang dumi dumi ng laway tapos ibbribe nya ng toy? hindi din naman ganon ganon lang yon na kailangan itolerate ways nya.  Plus andami na nya ginawa sa anak ko na hindi na dapat palampasin. And yung school huli na ng gumawa ng action...i just hope may natutunan yung bata na yon. For me mas malaki ang impact sa bata pag laki nya kung hinayan yung ways nya ngayon pa lang na alam nya nakakabastos sya sa ibang bata. Akala nya kase ok lang yon tutal binigyan nya naman ng toy yung anak ko eh..so he can think na bati na sila... taking advantage?

That is just my side...i understand your side...thing is this is my child. Nakaka-strike 3 na sya...pang 3rd na yung pagiging exhibitionist nya sa anak ko... at mas lalong hindi na dapat palampasin yon. Ano na lang din ang impact non sa anak ko?

[evilwoman]

^ i understand your point. kung sa anak ko man mangyari yan magagalit din ako pero may mas maayos na approach sa mga ganyang issue. di naman kasi komo mas mabait ang approach mo compared sa ibang parents e "ok" na ang ginawa mo. wala namang massolve if naging panakot lang sa bata ang pagkausap sa parents. yan pa nga ang pinakamaayos na remedyo dyan. if mabagal ang aksyon ng teacher, may ibang tao pa naman na pwede mong lapitan para dyan. if di ka talaga satisfied sa kilos ng school, malamang time na para humanap ng lilipatan.im sure di lang yan ang nagiisang bully na maeencounter ng anak mo. alangan lahat ng bully sa school kausapin mo isa-isa.gaya nga ng nabanggit ni sis DV, wala tayong karapatan na idisiplina ang anak ng ibang tao.

[DV]

^^1choi_ko9, huwag mo sanang masamain, pero bakit hindi mo ipinatawag ang lola ng bata para kayo ang makapag-usap? Kasi noong sinabi mo sa bata na ipapatawag ang parents nya, what did you hope to achieve? If you wanted to talk to the parents/guardian/lola, the teacher can call them and arrange a meeting with you.

Let's turn the tables around, kung anak mo ang nakasakit sa iba, would you want another parent/guardian to talk to your child (na hindi pa naman kayang mag-process ng kung ano ang pwedeng sabihin o gawin sa kanya) instead of you? I surely wouldn't want that.

You're right, 1choi_ko9, sa observation mo na kulang sa pansin ang batang bully na iyon. Bullying is a call for attention from parents, at sa maliliit na bata, the amount of time (not just the quality) spent with them is important.

[hunny_ally]

I think I have shared here before how my brother was "bullied" by a busmate's parent after my brother and his friends played a prank on the son. They wouldnt give the bag to the busmate and the kid ended up crying. The mom called my brother and the friends and told them how bad they are and the next time they do it, they'll have to answer to the mom. My brother ended up having high fever that night because of extreme fear. 

It's one thing to call another child's attention that what they're doing is wrong. I've done that several times at the playfloor in my daughter's previous school. Called some kids' attention when i see that they're getting too rowdy and nagkakasakitan na. But it's another thing to tell them na "ipapatawag ko parents mo". My daughter was pushed before by a classmate and she fell from the top of the slide. Good thing the floor was padded so Hindi nasaktan masyado. I wanted to strangle the little brat's neck right there and there. I just told the kid through gritted teeth that it's not nice to push. Reported it to the teacher too. The following day, the mom approached me and apologized. She talked too to the kid and the kid promised that it won't happen again. 

Sometimes kasi as parents our emotions cloud on our being objective and diplomatic. So in cases like this, it's better if we talk to the fellow parent kasi may masasabi talaga tayo that can have a big impact on kids

[1choi_ko9]

^ i appreciate your insights. However, after I talked to the kid nothing happens. I was hoping he would feel bad and atleast not to do it to his other classmates pero he did it again and again and again... Kahit babae. The last incident ata he was trying to pull down the pants of his other classmate. Nakakainis sa part ng guardians nya kase kahit na andaming letters and call attention from the teacher wala action e. Or wait, baka naman may action silang ginawa, kaso maybe yung kid lang ayaw sumunod for whatever reason. Anyway, I am hoping maayos na yung batang yon.

[RuChe]

I remembered the same experience when my child was 2 years old and this one kid keep on pushing my son and the mom is there watching and doing nothing. So I told the mom that her kid is pushing my son. She just stared at me and said 'eh mga bata yan eh'.  I got so pissed off na nagkasagutan kami. Hanggang sa umalis na lang sila kase pinatawag ko yung guard. 

[Cocoyow]

My 1.6 year old daughter is not being nice to her cousin. i feel bad kasi ayoko nakikita na nang gaganun anak ko. And im saying sorry sa kuya ko kasi nakikita nya na yung daughter ko pag di sinunod ng ate nya na 3 yo pinapalo nya. Ang sinasabi lang ng brother ko sakin, normal lang daw yun kasi nasa ganun edAd pa. E ayoko lumala, pano pag ibang bata naganun ng daughter ko, dko naman pwede sabihin na intindihin kasi ganyang edad pa lang. Im trying to talk to my daughter, magiging maayos sya sandali then biglang may time na makakalimutan nya na mali ginagawa nya. Buti yung cousin nya is naiintindihan na baby girl nila daughter ko. Pero i dont like it happening to them baka lumaki na may gap.
I need an advice mommies..

[hunny_ally]

^once you see your kid getting rowdy, ilayo mo siya from the playmates. Something of a timeout. If you hit, you cant play. Then explain to her immediately why you had to do that.

[DV]

^^^^chikka101, are you calling your 1-year-old niece a bully? Children this young already need discipline, but you can't expect a 1-year-old to know how to share. They're just not developmentally ready yet; mga 3 yo na sila natututo mag-share.

If you think a child is misbehaving you can talk to the parent or guardian. If they're not doing anything about it, it is best na ilayo mo na lang yung anak mo. We don't have a right to discipline other children.

[stormy]

Dont expect too much na alam na ng isang 1yo ang concept ng sharing. Kahit ituro pa yan ng magulang, d yan maiexpect na makuha ng LAHAT ng 1yo. Baka mayroon na months old pa lang marunong na mag-share, that is an exception to the rule ika nga.

Kahit anong pang-justify, d magiging tama ang disiplinahin anak ng iba. We cant expect na makuha natin ang mundo na gusto natin, adjust2x tayo kahit nakakairita pa.

Mahirap ng pumatol sa bata, kahit gaano pa ka-polite yan e pagpatol pa rin yan. What if sagutin ng bata ng "paki mo?" (Oh well baka iba ang delivery or words na gagmitin but the message is still the same) baka lalo lang magkaproblema, magkaasaran.

At kahit ano pa sabihin na may mga parents at anak nila na pangit ugali, in denial etc kaso thats life, challenging.

[inkslinger]

Agree. We don't have the right to discipline children not our own.
A child cannot decide things on his own, much more correct his own actions.  There's a reason why parents or guardians face civil liability for crimes committed by their child or child under their ward. Only adult has the maturity, education, and understanding to know which actions are appropriate, hurtful and offensive. If they fail to communicate this to their child at nakasakit ang bata, naging neglectful sila as parents and guardians of the child.

What good will it bring if you talk to the child directly? Will the child understand you? Chances are great that he will NOT. If you talk to his parents, the parents will understand you, but of course there's no guarantee that the parents will discipline their child. Hindi mo na problema yun as a parent of someone who is being bullied. Problema na nila yon na may lalaking batang problema sa society right before their eyes. Ang problema mo as a parent of a child who is being bullied is to teach your own child how to protect herself or himself, how to be socially smart or street smart, at hindi yung ipapakita mo pa sa harap nya na ikaw pa ang aayos ng gusot nya lagi. You as a parent should also take hold of your emotions and be a good example to your child, that you can handle with maturity these types of situations.

I've had bullying experiences too, with my daughter being bullied by some of her playmates. May mga bukol pa at dugo talaga, but never a time that I confronted a bully child. I focus my energy on how to equip my daughter to be "listo" in certain situations, hindi yung papatay-patay sya. Ngayon, now that she's 5, never na syang nasasaktan. Marunong na kasi syang umiwas. Lalo na tumakbo. Ang bilis nya kaya Lol!

[evilwoman]

parenting style lang ba ang di pakikialam sa anak ng iba? i always thought part yan ng good manners...

[hunny_ally]

^^i don't think na dapat hahayaan mo na Lang na sabunutan or bugbugin ang sariling mong anak. Of course when you see that there's a fight, you try to break it up. But it's one thing breaking up a fight, and its another threatening the bully (yes I call it threatening) na "ipapatawag ko parents mo". I think thats why some moms here reacted. If roles are reversed, you wouldn't want another parent saying such threats to your own kid.


With your niece who like hitting your daughter, don't allow your kid to play with her. I had a niece who was the same if not worse. She once pushed my then 1yo daughter to the edge of a narra table, the corner hitting my daughter's cheek and missing her eye by less than half an inch. This happening in front of my cousin. Sadly she didn't even do anything. From then on, during gatherings we don't let my daughter play with her. Even the yaya was given strict instructions na ilayo ang bata if the niece approaches her.

[evilwoman]

instinct ang pagprotekta sa anak. ang manner ng paghandle mo ng sitwasyon, dyan lalabas ang kung ano ang good manners.

[1choi_ko9]

^^i don't think na dapat hahayaan mo na Lang na sabunutan or bugbugin ang sariling mong anak. Of course when you see that there's a fight, you try to break it up. But it's one thing breaking up a fight, and its another threatening the bully (yes I call it threatening) na "ipapatawag ko parents mo". I think thats why some moms here reacted. If roles are reversed, you wouldn't want another parent saying such threats to your own kid.

hello... ako in my personal opinion since ako nagsabi sa bata non...yeah tama kang sabihin na parang ang dating nung sinabi ko is a "threat". Which I thought (na mali naman ako) matatakot yung bata. Pero yun nga mali ako, na hindi sya natakot. More of, tamang sinagot nya ako na "wala ang mommy at daddy ko dito". Either sino pa ipatawag ko kung baga wala rin naman kami makakausap. In a way, naawa ako for him kase walang "authority" sakanya e. Walang dumidisciplina. And i am not saying na ako ang didisiplina sakanya kaya ko nagawa yon...definitely HINDI! Ang sinasabi ko lang, sinabi ko lang yun sakanya at inexplain kung bakit masama yung ginawa nya. Pero yun nga, kahit sino naman kumausap sakanya wala epek e. Uulitin pa rin nya. And yung "threat" na ginawa ko? Wala rin... hehe ...

Eto opinion ko lang, I know you have your own views which I understand and accept. Pero eto akin lang. Im the mother ng nabully. I am not happy kung ano ang nangyari. Strike 3 na sya e! Pero tama kayo eto ang reality eh. And I cannot make it everything perfect for my kid kase in the long run makaka encounter pa yan ng more and more issues in life. Nasabi ko sa bata kung bakit masama ang ginawa nya...na saksakan ng dumi ng laway. I know sakanya laro lang yon or wala lang yon sakanya. But I believe, if wala magsabi sakanya non sa bahay dapat may magsabi na sakanya na MALI mga ginagawa nya. And now after the incident...alam ko hindi na ako dapat ang gumawa non. Dahil after ko gawin...wala rin effect! Useless lang din.  But then again...wala akong nakitang masama sa pag explain at pagkausap ko dun sa bata. Kung sa anak ko mangyari...i guess okay lang kung ganon nya rin kausapin kung pano ko kinausap yung bata. Pero kung wild sya and dinuro duro na anak ko...ibang usapan na yon.

[sarahsensible]

Ang problema mo as a parent of a child who is being bullied is to teach your own child how to protect herself or himself, how to be socially smart or street smart, at hindi yung ipapakita mo pa sa harap nya na ikaw pa ang aayos ng gusot nya lagi. You as a parent should also take hold of your emotions and be a good example to your child, that you can handle with maturity these types of situations.

I so like and agree on this 

I have 4 kids..with strong personalities. Basta we teach them how to stand up for themselves, umiwas sa gulo etc..

[stormy]

May PTC kanina sa school ng anak ko. It seems ang probelma e (according sa teacher)  too friendly ang anak ko.

I know most ng posts dito e about sa pambu-bully. Parang may mas ideya pa ako paano turuan anak ko maging handa kaysa turuan na "uy anak dont be friendly to all your classmates".

Aware ako na lahat ng sobra e d maganda, kaso ganun talaga anak ko palatawa at mahilig makipagkaibigan. I didnt know magiging problema namin pala ito.

Lost yata ako, d yata ito sa thread na ito. Ayun nga lang problema raw ito according sa adviser.

[DV]

^Bakit daw problema?