After discovering that he cheated, how did u move on? ok pa kayo or hindi na?

[zarazan]

This made me sad Na may thread talaga na ganito na parang expected na sa lalaki magcheat.

[PinKisH_23]

In my case, it's going 3 months since I found out about the cheating, about 6 months since I found out about hubby's other flirting/chatting affairs. I've been through hell, as in depression, nearly taking my own life, I lost a lot of weight, it ruined me. Di ko ma avoid mag post ng kung ano ano, as in affected ako to the nth level, if hindi ko need mag work talagang hindi na ako magtatrabaho, pero di naman ako mayaman.

Di ko kasi mapaniwalaan, na after 8 years namin together magagawa nya yun. After ng lahat ng trust, love and respect I gave him, magagawa nya mag cheat. Kaya ko sya minahal regardless sa iba pa nyang pagkukulang dahil alam ko he would never cheat, mali pala ako.

With moving on, I tried everything in the book, I tried talking to friends, going out, drinking, nearly cheated (di ko talaga kaya), revenge (konti lang naman), but nothing helped. I just continued praying and let time heal me.

Alam ko mahal ako ng asawa ko, siguro lang during those times magulong magulo pa isip ko, hindi ko matanggap lahat ng nangyari, pero naisip ko rin tao lang din sya, kami, na nagkakamali, siguro lang naging mahina sya, at sa panahon na ito, mas kailangan ko syang intindihin gaya ng pag intindi nya sa pinag daaanan ko. Kahit madalas ko syang awayin out of really simple things, pag isipan na kung ano ano nanaman ang ginagawa nya kahit alam ko sa sarili ko na wala syang ginagawa. I have been treating him so bad pero pilit nya ako inuunawa dahil alam nya sa sarili nya that he created this monster in me. Ang skype namin minsan lasts 31 hrs straight, naka monitor ako sa kanya na parang may cctv. I know it is wrong, pero still he's keeping his promises about change, na nagbabago na sya for us. na kaya sya uuwi from abroad is because gusto nya kami maayos na dalawa. Mahal na mahal ko rin sya, napatunayan ko sa sarili ko na matapang ako for facing all of these para sa relationship namin.

In less than 2 weeks pauwi na husband ko, panatag akong maayos pa namin ang lahat, umaasa ako sa changes namin, na ako mas magiging sweet, mas irerespeto ko sya bilang asawa, mas pahahalagan ko ang nararamdaman nya. Sya rin, nangako na magiging loyal, at kakausapin ako sa kung ano ang nararamdaman nya.

Kahit na masaya na ako I still have doubts once in a while, pero I try na alisin sa sistema ko kasi di nakakatulong. Umaasa parin ako na wala ng susunod, pinagdadasal ko na sana last na yun. Na sana nalagpasan na namin ang pinaka matindi naming pagsubok sa relationship namin. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na kakayanin kung may kasunod pa, pero we'll never know, sabi nga nila, what doesn't kill makes you stronger.

[outandaboutph]

Sis may katotohanan ang sinabi mo --- nakakabastos talaga bilang wife.  Pero tingin ko ha, 'dense' lang talaga hubby mo. Meaning - malamang hindi nya maintindihan ang nararamadaman mo. Hindi sya makarelate.  Buti sana if you don't have to deal with it again, kaso mag asawa kayo so you really have to communicate to him.

Imbis na telling him 'you don't love me'... PERIOD.  Baka mas mabuti mag usap kayo - it is not proper for a married guy to be around other girls. It is not that nagseselos ka, it is more of you want to protect your marriage because you love him.  Alam naman siguro din nya na maraming naghihiwalay na couples these days.  At maraming nambababae na lalaki. So sana hindi sya maging ganun, at sa tingin mo ayaw din naman nya. 

Tingin ko kasi sa hubby mo (IMO lang naman), hindi naman nga nya naiisip yung malice. Sige benefit of the doubt. Gusto lang nya mag relax and for old times sake siguro kaya nya niyaya. Wala naman syang iniisip na makipagsex sa ibang babae.  Pero kelangan nya maintindihan yung "keeping his distance".  Sa office man, barkada or old GFs nya. 

Try mo. Good luck sis. 

Thanks sis. Actually, noong time na nalaman ko na 'ganong klase' pala ang husband ko, hindi na ako nag expect pa na aabot pa kami ng 5 years. Hindi lang ako makapaniwala, to be exact - nandiri ako. Ang relationship naman namin ngayon, normal naman kung titingnan. Madalas kami makikitang sweet, pero sa totoo lang, maraming times na feeling ko 'acting' lang lahat ng iyon. I don't know pero tingin ko kailangan ko pa ng time and proof na wala na siyang ginagawang katulad noon kapag nakatalikod ako. Hubby ko kasi immature pa. Well, narealized lang niya iyan lately after attending a certain seminar intended for new parents. So totoo, iyong ginawa niya before, for him wala lang talaga iyon. Hindi niya naiintindihan noong nagalit ako noon. Kapag kinakausap ko siya, lalo lang ako naiinis kaya minsan, mabuti pang huwag na lang kausapin kasi kukulo lang dugo ko eh kung ano ano lang isasagot tapos sa huli ni hindi naman pala naintindihan kung anong ibig ko sabihin. Pero I hope, hindi na maulit iyong nangyari noon. Hindi ko siya patatawarin.

Di ko kasi mapaniwalaan, na after 8 years namin together magagawa nya yun. After ng lahat ng trust, love and respect I gave him, magagawa nya mag cheat. Kaya ko sya minahal regardless sa iba pa nyang pagkukulang dahil alam ko he would never cheat, mali pala ako.

Same tayo ng naramdaman sis. Sobrang confident ako before na hindi niya ako lolokohin, kaya sobra din disappointment ko. Before, hindi ako affected kapag may lumilingong girls kay hubby, proud pa nga ako kasi alam ko na wala lang iyon sa kaniya. Pero after the incident, kapag may lilingon lingong girl tapos napalingon din si hubby, ang bilis uminit ng ulo ko. As in galit na agad ako na hindi ko maipaliwanag na gusto ko itulak hubby ko tapos ihulog sa hagdan iyong girl sabunutan and sabihin na ang landi landi niya. Ang hirap ng feeling especially hindi naman talaga pwede na saktan ko sila. Ganon kaintense ang feeling ko 2 years ago. Ngayon, kapag may ganong eksena, binubulong ko na lang sa sarili ko "hopeless case na ito". Kaya bilib ako sa iyo sis, nagawa mo magpatawad and kinakayang lumimot.
 

[fayerydust]

Kahit na masaya na ako I still have doubts once in a while, pero I try na alisin sa sistema ko kasi di nakakatulong. Umaasa parin ako na wala ng susunod, pinagdadasal ko na sana last na yun. Na sana nalagpasan na namin ang pinaka matindi naming pagsubok sa relationship namin. Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na kakayanin kung may kasunod pa, pero we'll never know, sabi nga nila, what doesn't kill makes you stronger.

Prayers lang talaga sis. Sa amin ni hubby, umabot ng mahigit 2 years bago talaga nakamove on, yung back to "normal" talaga. Within those years, we tried really, really hard to stay together - kahit na pag nag-aaway kami talagang nasusumbatan ko sya, he stayed with me and gave up a lot for me and loved me more than ever. Wala akong pakialam noon basta kahit anong gusto kong sabihin or gawin sakanya para makaganti ako sa sakit na naramdaman ko. He stayed and fought for our marriage. One day he talked to me and said, he's not proud of what he did and if it will take a lifetime for me to forgive him, okay lang dahil he deserves it. Parang nahimasmasan ako and realized na siguro its time to move on, not to forget but to learn and grow sa pinagdaanan namin. Hindi ako religious, pero I prayed and prayed everyday para tulungan ako ni God na magforgive and mas maging patient. Ngayon, okay na okay na kami ni hubby. I admit, may konting bitter taste pa din pag bigla napagusapan, or bigla ko naalala pero wala na yung pain and disappointment na akala ko noon hindi na mawawala. Time lang talaga.

[loveleah]

It's been a year ago when I discovered my hubby has cheated on me,parang late ko na nga ring na discover kasi it was already a past affair but it really hurts. And when I found out, pinalayas ko siya and I tightened my belt to never get back to him, but eventually, we got back, if I would not have felt and seen that he is trying his best to change and do ways to win us back, I would never have gotten back to him. Now, I still have preying eyes, and being constantly on the lookout although he does not know it, but need naman talaga natin mga wives to be vigilant eh, to work on our relationship, try to forget the past and move on, but always on the lookout for anything fishy para hindi na lalaki pa if ever.

[Pink_Sugar]

^paano mo nadiscover sis at paano mo nalaman na tapos na?
Nakaka-trauma talaga tong ganitong experience, parang nakakaparanoid pag may chicks.

[sk8rboyswife]

1 year na rin since my husband cheated on me. He went back to fix everything nung July, I have given so many chances. And this is the last that I can give, sabi niya he still deserves this chance daw. I'm pregnant na with our 2nd child, this time though, di na ko masyado nakikialam sa kanya, like his phone di ko na masyado ginagalaw, every time he goes out hinahayaan ko na lang sya kung nagsasabi naman what time sya makakauwi. wala na ring tracker sa phone. bahala na sya kung magloko sya, basta he knows what I'm capable of pag may nalaman pa ko. Hanggang ngayon fresh pa rin, parang kahapon lang, sabi naman niya wala na daw siyang pakialam dun at gusto na talaga makalimutan yung nangyari. Imagine how much I have to go through sa lahat ng sinabi niya at pangtataboy niya saken nuon :,( naiiyak pa rin ako. To think na pinagtulungan pa nila ko kung [textspeak!] ano sinasabi nila saken, kesyo paranoid daw ako, uminom na daw ako ng gamot ko pampakalma. at may kakonchaba pa sila sa work. Nalulungkot pa rin ako.

Now we're really trying to work everything out. Lahat ng pwede ko isumbat ko sa kanya iniiwasan niya by just keeping quiet. bumabawi naman siya, pero parang may kulang pa rin.

[khaleesiCersei]

i felt insulted. hindi naman sa pagmamataas pero kasi.. totoo nga talaga ang kasabihang, daig ng malandi ang maganda. sobrang downgrade, my gosh. buti sana kung dalaga. eh 2 anak sa magkaibang lalaki. hindi pa maganda. hindi pa sexy. malandi lang talaga. at nagpalandi sya.
hindi ako nagalit, i'm just really disappointed and super disgusted..as in eiw. yuck. kadiri. yun ang unang reaction ko when i saw what i saw. ni hindi ko nga sya inaway about it eh. parang hindi ako makapaniwala na papatulan nya yun. parang sobrang diri-diri ako para magalit. kinausap ko lang sya ng mahinahon. nag apologize sya.. nag explain.. pero i don't know parang sige na lang, pinaniwalaan ko na lang ang mga sinabi nya.. ayaw ko kasi masira ang pasko ko. so everyday seems normal sa amin. i pretend na parang walang ngyari, pero let's see kung ano mangyayari pagtapos ng holiday season. nagttry naman sya bumawi.. pero ewan ko, parang kulang pa. parang hindi pa rin ako sigurado kung napatawad ko na ba talaga sya. so i guess you could say na i'm trying to give him another chance. pero, hindi ko alam kung hangang kelan..

[Girltalker2]

What I realized from it was, kahit sino pa yan, kahit gaano mo kamahal, it's not worth it para i-reduce mo yung sarili mo (realizing na you're not enough), break you, make you into something you're not (pag naging mapaghinala ka na, etc), mawala ang faith mo, so on and so forth.

Sis, thank you for sharing.  You made a very important and valid point.  When I was in that situation in my marriage - tama ka, I became a person that I was not.  I isolated myself, nakakabaliw talaga yung times na yun. And bottomline, NO ONE HAS THAT RIGHT TO TAKE AWAY A PART OF YOU UNLESS YOU ALLOW HIM. Sino ba sya for him to do that.  Tapos hahayaan mo lang?

[eimerej5]

For me it wasn't even about the cheating itself, ultimately it was about how that person broke your faith in him, na you gave him chances even before he did it kasi you know he wouldn't do that to you.

What you said here made me realize that yeah, you are right sis! it wasn't even about the cheating part.. it was when he broke your faith in him and once that is broken there is no going back to the way you were before....

[Girltalker2]

And yung cheating that was a very conscious, intentional, deliberate thing to do. 

I agree. Bago pa man mabuo ang relasyon ng dalawang tao, maraming actions involved - a series of INTENTIONAL and DELIBERATE actions of phone calls, texting, emails, acts makipagdate, siping, getting close, at higit sa lahat - maraming lying and deceit sa partner para itago ang relasyon, etc. And it is not like natapilok ka lang. But rather, marami ginawa si lalaki at kabit para humantong sa relasyon iyan. 

[eimerej5]

Tama mga sis ang lahat ng mga sinabi nyo dito...

Cheating made us into someone we weren't before... Like what is posted here na mapanghinala, walang peace of mind, etc... And yes cheating is something that is made between persons in so many ways that is both deliberately done and intentionally...

[erza0916]

Sobrang naiiyak ako sa lahat ng nabasa ko. Because I'm not like you guys, my husband didn't cheat on me, I was the cheater. And reading your posts made me realize how much I've hurt him. Nasaktan ko sya sobra. Hindi ko alam dahil never pa ako nakaranas ng napagcheatan. Sobrang bago pa lang. Wala pang one year and yet ngayon we're gonna have a baby na. He married me despite my infidelity. It happened when we we're apart. I know it doesn't justify the fact that I did what I did. Alam kong mali parin yun. He forgave me but he could not forget.
Dati nagagalit pa ako dahil lagi nya inuungkat. Kahit maliit na bagay bumabalik kami dun sa nagawa ko. And now I know why, hindi naman pala ganung kadali. Sobrang ngffeel bad ako s lahat ng ginawa ko. Naaawa ako sa husband ko dahil I brought upon him this grief. I admire him for being so tough. Nakayanan parin nyang umalis ako ng bansa. Sana that doesn't mean na nanlalamig sya or wala na syang pakielam. Kasi sa mga nabasa ko hirap na hirap kayo magpatawad at magtrust ulit pero sya naging ok lang sa kanya.

Dont get me wrong, masaya ako dahil napatawad nya ako and kahit papano may trust na ulit sya kahit parang fresh pa. Ako naman that time when I went back sa Pinas, I left the other guy na talaga. I just wanted to talk to my bf now husband to settle things once and for all. To decide if I should leave him or stay.  I'm glad he made me stay. Kahit ako yung mali nakita kong nageffort parin sya para wag ako umalis. Tapos nabuntis ako, then we got married.

Right now I'm happy na I hope he is too. Kahit magkalayo kami for financial reasons, someday magkakasama ulit kami then never n kami maghihiwalay. I'm so thankful sa asawa ko dahil hindi sya nag give up sakin. Sobrang pinagsisisihan ko yung nagawa ko at never na ako gagawa ng bagay na ikasisira ulit ng trust ng aswa ko. Proactive ko na talagang bnlock yung other guy. Ayaw ko na syang makita, makausap or makasama. I cut all my ties with him kahit hindi sabihin ng asawa ko. Nandidiri na ako pag naiisip ko yun. Ayoko na talaga sya makita.I treasure husband and our new family now more than ever.

Feeling ko I have to say sorry sa inyo because of what your husbands did to you. Sana marealize ng mga husbands ninyo ang mga mali nila at kayo ang piliin nila.

Sorry for the long post

[Pink_Sugar]

^good job sis coz you realized what you did emotionally to your husband. :-)

[eimerej5]

Sis ezra, i admire your courage to admit yung nagawa mo... And that you had realize and understand how hard it is for us... Goodluck to you and god bless!

[erza0916]

Alam kong nasaktan ko sya pero I never really understood gano kasakit until I read your posts. Doesn't matter kung babae o lalake. I know now what he went through and kung gano kahirap and what to do to make things right. Thank you guys. Good luck and God bless us all.

[krystalB]

Hindi ko alam kung papaano ako maguumpisa

[eimerej5]

Hindi ko alam kung papaano ako maguumpisa

sis, whatever is your story, we are here to listen, understand and give u advices if you need it... No judgement...

[cinderrella911]

Cheating na po yung nakipag chat sa exgf..and they talking about their past and talking dirty thru chat?

[eimerej5]

Cheating na po yung nakipag chat sa exgf..and they talking about their past and talking dirty thru chat?

hello sis! In my opinion, its ok to chat ur exgf if what they are talking about is just casual talk, like kamustahan. And that nandun ka at nababasa mo msgs nila at sinasabi syo ng partner mo everything sa conversation nila BUT its is a different story kapag may dirty talk pa.. Mas maganda kung hindi n sila mguusap. Usually kapag ganyan, dyan na  nagstart ang cheating. naeexcite sila at akala nila bumalik n ulit [textspeak!] old feelings wherein sa end hindi maman pala and its too late na... Watch ur partner... Sana wala lang sa kanya [textspeak!] mga chat nila. And tell him if u are not comfortable n nguusap sila. He should respect ur feelings and ur relationship.