1. Two words: formal events. "I have no energy to apply foundation and eyeshadow and concealer and lipstick and I am calling in sick to Kate's wedding!"
2. Eyelash curler. "I read somewhere that it’s supposed to open my eyes, but is it supposed to kill me first? When was this torture device invented? During the Spanish Inquisition?"
3. Blush. "The YouTube tutorial girl said I should smile, and put blush only on the apples of my chee—oh snap! I look like a clown."