ruffa_john_lloyd.jpgWhen she was asked about whether or not former flame John Lloyd Cruz still calls her, actress-TV host Ruffa Gutierrez only had this to say, “… I have nothing but good words for the person [John Lloyd], and whether he calls me or not, like I said, it's not really important,” PEP.ph reports.

The former beauty queen was candid about her relationship with the actor, choosing not to linger over rumors that she’s may be causing waves in the John Lloyd-Shaina Magdayao relationship. "For me, kahit na maraming babaeng dumating sa buhay niya—and I'm sure maraming babaeng darating sa buhay niya kasi bata pa siya—ang masasabi ko lang,” Ruffa said, “at least naging parte siya ng buhay ko, at hanggang ngayon, at siguro hanggang sa pagtanda namin, magkaibigan pa rin kami. The same way na kaibigan ko si Aga [Muhlach], kaibigan ko si Zoren [Legaspi].

“For me, I treat everyone who's been a part of my life as a friend,” Ruffa also said. “So, the issue naman here is nobody needs to be worried. I'm living my life, I'm dating other people, and I'm happy.

Ruffa has long put aside any rift with her ex-flame—have you? Remaining friends with your ex isn’t going to be a piece of cake but the rewards from choosing to do so can be worth it. Can you handle being friends with an ex? Before you choose to become your ex-partner’s new BFF, read through FN’s pros and cons below.


THE PROS

1.    YOU REMAIN CLOSE TO SOMEONE YOU SHARE A HISTORY WITH


Your partner isn’t just your romantic other half—he’s also your confidante and your friend. He knows your faults and your strong points, perhaps in some cases, even better than you do. Keeping in touch with someone you’re have this bond with will help you during times when you need someone to turn to. Ask yourself, do you really want to lose that connection?


2.    IT’S A MARK OF MATURITY

Be it anger or love, it’s not easy to get over such strong feelings. That’s understandable. You’re hurt and sad. You’re still trying to process what went wrong. Maybe you’re even trying to fix it. But wipe away the tears, take a deep breath and admit that this is the end of your romantic relationship and let go. It will take time, yes, but when you get there, you’ll be able to say you’ve moved on with no hard feelings. A good way of showing that is through becoming friends with your ex—no bitterness, no attempts to get the flame going again, just genuine friendship.


THE CONS

1.    YOU’LL GET TO SEE HIM WHEN HE STARTS DATING AGAIN

So you think you’re over him. In fact, that’s why you told him you want to be friends again. But what if you realize somewhere along the way that you can’t let go of him after all? The crucial test is when you see him start dating other women. Do you feel any signs of the green-eyed monster poking its head out of the dark pit of jealousy? If you do, then what you’ve mistaken as moving on could be just your heart’s way of clinging to the past. You might also find yourself getting involved petty arguments with your ex and his new girlfriend. Are you ready for that? 


2.    YOU WILL FOREVER ANSWER QUESTIONS OF “HOW CAN YOU STAND IT?”

Spending time with your ex just as a friend isn’t as easy as some people might think. Sharing a history with another person is a double-edged sword. It keeps you close to each other, yes, but the change in your relationship also calls for distance. Staying friends means you will be constantly reminded of your memories as a couple even when you’re already both with other people. You may not even realize it but you could be crossing boundaries and stepping on other people’s toes.


Note: Should you decide to befriend your former flame, make sure to keep these exceptions in mind: abusive boyfriends (physical, mental or verbal), drug addicts, and alcoholics are better off being exes. No excuses. The best way to help both of you move on is to get professional help for your partner.  


Ultimately, one of the best deciding factors for choosing to keep being friends with your ex is how the relationship ended. Did you trade hurtful words? Was it a mutual decision? What if you parted as enemies? It's called a healing process for a reason—forgiving and forgetting doesn’t happen overnight. Consider these when deciding whether or not to keep your ex-boyfriend in your life. Remember, though, that we learn something important from each person we encounter. Perhaps there is something to be said about not shutting anyone out from our lives—even ex-boyfriends. 

(Photos courtesy of PEP.ph)

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