• Learn from the past
• Lay all the cards on the table
• Determine what each of you can and can’t change
• Know the reasons why
• Time will tell

LEARN FROM THE PAST

Try to avoid repeating old mistakes; first, consider if the good times outweighed the bad and what needs to change this time around. Identify old patterns and behavior that seemed to spark not just the arguments, but the sweet moments as well. This way, you know which ones to keep up in yourselves and encourage in one another, as well as what to watch out for. Remember that the relationship you two have now is different from the one you had before. Enter the relationship with open eyes—find out what’s new about your partner.


LAY ALL THE CARDS ON THE TABLE

Past resentments can be insidious in a renewed relationship. You need to remember your “learnings from the past” and give voice to them. Yes, you know what needs to change, but does he? Be careful not to agitate each other during your much-needed sit down. Be forward but keep it civil. If you both want to be together, you’ll listen to each other.


DETERMINE WHAT EACH OF YOU CAN AND CAN'T CHANGE

Which of these changes are doable? If one or both of you are unwilling, this may just become a new source for bitterness or resentment. Make sure that you lay some ground rules together, and that you understand where you’re both coming from. On the other hand, if neither of you want anything to change, why make the effort to get back together in the first place? You’ll only get caught in a vicious cycle—and we all know how that’s going to end. 


KNOW THE REASONS WHY

Are you getting back together as a rebound on your rebound? Did you realize that you both made a mistake when you broke up in the first place? Or have you gotten to the point where you’re different people going into a different sort of relationship from before? Know your whys and wherefores and weigh them; your reasons should be the right ones for you both.


TIME WILL TELL

All the other items that come before this are at least partially dependent on this factor (time). Love the second (or third) time around is a great thing, if it’s really meant to be. But for you to get a good enough perspective of the relationship you’ve left and then come back to, you’ll need time to recover from your last breakup. Take it slow, and enjoy what you have now.

(Photo courtesy of PEP.ph)