Transgender star Caitlyn Jenner contemplated suicide after news leaked of her transition.

The 66-year-old reality star admits she was disturbed when images of her newly-shaved Adam’s apple appeared online in 2014, leading to speculation former athlete Bruce Jenner was making plans to become a woman.

The gossip was bang on, but Caitlyn wasn’t quite ready to reveal her plans to the world.

“I could not sleep that night,” she confessed during an appearance on U.S. sports talk show Any Given Wednesday With Bill Simmons. “I am up at three o’ clock in the morning walking up and down my hallway at this little beach house in Malibu, thinking, ‘Damn, all this s**t’s gonna come out tomorrow and it’s going to be horrible.’ I could just see the tabloids going crazy; they have this stupid picture.

“I said, ‘You know what? Easy way. Go in the other room. You got a gun. Let’s just end it right here! That’s, like, the easy way out. No more pain, no more nothing. I don’t have to deal with the tabloids any longer. I don’t have to deal with this.’ And that was probably the lowest I’ve ever gotten.

“I went to bed, finally laid down and got maybe an hour’s sleep. And the next morning… I was out at this open field… There was nobody out there and I went for a walk through this open field and I was thinking to myself, ‘Wasn’t that, like, the stupidest thing you’ve ever done?’

Caitlyn quickly snapped out of her funk, adding, “I said, ‘What a terrible way to end your life’s story! What a terrible thing to do to yourself, your family. I don’t want my story to end that way, on a negative note’… It was the beginning of me turning my thinking around to say, ‘OK, I think I can do this’.”

And now Kim Kardashian’s former stepfather is in a great place: “I have renewed my excitement for life,” Caitlyn added. “My life today is so interesting, so simple. It really is so simple.”

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