When Geneva Cruz and KC Montero split after six years of marriage, many thought it was just another celebrity love-’em-and-leave-’em scenario, but there was actually a lot of strain that went into the relationship, which the couple didn’t make public until recently. In her May 22 interview on Startalk, the singer revealed that she miscarried two babies during the marriage. “To tell you frankly,” Cruz said tearfully, “we lost two babies. I miscarried and then it was really hard... KC and I have been through so much and then the baby died. My little KC.”
Says Montero on the miscarriage in a May 23 interview on Showbiz Central, “Nung time na 'yan, it was really hard for us both, and I wasn’t there—she was in the States. So I wasn’t there to help her through this, through the time that she had, so talagang super hard para sa kanya. She’s a really strong woman, and I’m proud of her for making it through that. And they were going to be two boys, so they were going to be KC Junior and unfortunately they didn’t make it.”
When asked about their relationship, Cruz said that they remained on more than amicable terms. “Actually, yung kay KC, ano yun, we’re really good friends. Hindi dahil punong-puno ng drama ang paghihiwalay namin, it doesn’t mean na hindi importante sa buhay namin itong nangyari. Importante kami para sa isa’t isa at para kay Heaven.” (Heaven is Cruz’s son by ex-husband Paco Arespacochaga; he was also maintained a close relationship with his stepdad, Montero.)
Says Montero, “We are so far apart now, we can’t see eye to eye anymore. But I’m never going to rule Geneva out of my life. We are still married, and divorce is not something that I’m thinking about at this time. If we get a divorce, final na 'yan, eh. I’m not worried about that. When the time comes and if ever I need a divorce or we don’t need a divorce, you never know. Like she said, life is too short to hate, and I love her still, but in a different capacity.”
The truth is that, although Montero ultimately blamed their long-distance relationship for the breakup of his marriage, miscarriage is also a tremendous burden on already strained relationships. In fact, it can even be a make-or-break point in seemingly stable relationships.
And miscarriage is, unfortunately, more common than you would think; according to the American Pregnancy Association, studies indicate that between 10 and 25 percent of all clinically recognized pregnancies will end in miscarriage, and its causes are many and varied. Should it ever happen to you, though, read on for some tips on coping with pregnancy loss without losing your relationship as well.
ALLOW YOURSELF TIME TO GRIEVE
Although it’s important to be strong, it’s also important to grieve for your loss together. You need to acknowledge that loss and mourn together—something, it seems, that KC Montero and Geneva Cruz weren’t able to do. Moreover, there is no measure of depth or length for grief, and each couple, each person, feels things differently and may grieve for a longer or shorter time than others. As this article on Womens-Health.co.uk says, you’re the only one who can tell how long you’ll need to grieve after a miscarriage. It may also be a good idea to wait until after this period has passed for both of you before trying again.GONE BUT NOT FORGOTTEN
Even though you never held your baby in your arms, it doesn’t mean that he or she wasn’t a real child to you, and you may need to honor him or her in some way before you can fully let go. Some parents hold a memorial service or mass after a miscarriage. They may also keep mementos of their unborn child by planting a tree or special garden or keeping statues or pendants of angels, according to this article on coping with miscarriage.
GET A CHANGE OF SCENE
In the aftermath of a miscarriage, familiar surroundings and the sympathy of friends and family may make it harder to cope, so you and your partner may want to go away for a while. Still, this will only give you a little time and distance to deal with your loss privately before you’ll have to come back and face not just the people who care about you, but the surroundings in which you had planned to raise your baby, so spend your time away actively dealing with your grief together.
TALK TO SOMEONE
It’s also a good idea to join a support group or go into counseling. Depression and a desire to hide from the world or lose oneself in distractions like work are common after a miscarriage, and you may just need a helping hand when coping with it. There is no shame in asking for help or wanting to talk and be with others who understand the loss you have suffered because they have suffered it as well. Most importantly, you need to talk to each other, as this article on rebuilding a relationship after miscarriage suggests—even if that makes things more painful in the short term, in the end, you will have to pull each other through it if you don’t want to let it pull you apart.
WRITE IT DOWN
According to this article on About.com, journaling your feelings can provide you with a great deal of catharsis. This is especially true if you don’t feel ready to share your thoughts or feelings verbally. Womens-Health.co.uk also touts the benefits of keeping a journal, saying that the privacy of it affords you the opportunity to be completely honest about yourself and your feelings and to reflect on them. Apart from using the written word to benefit yourself, though, you can also use it to express to your partner the feelings you’re not willing to speak about just yet—a letter will give you both time to reflect and absorb what you know about each other and your feelings.
(Photos courtesy of PEP.ph)
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