is it really a big deal for you is your in-laws doesnt like you?

[keidee]

sis gofredoloi, you need to clarify w/ your hubby yung rules ninyo about money. Malaking issue yan. More than your conflict with your in-laws, you should look into your settling money matters w/ your hubby.

like sis grumpybear, i'm blessed to have a husband who has been loyal to me. Until now I have issues w/ my in-laws but more w/ MIL na lang. Nilubayan na ako ng iba kasi the message is very clear and consistent - ako ang asawa, sila kapatid na lang. MIL still gets her monthly allowance, hindi ako kontra dun. Ako pa nga ang nagreremind kay hubby when the allowance is due. Every since, the agreement w/ hubby is so long as hindi kami nagigipit, he can give as much as he wants. Pero yung pangangailangan namin always comes first.

Allergic na si hubby na magpa-utang sa relatives niya. Pagsingilan kami pa kasi ang lumalabas na nanggigipit. May mga utang din na nabubura or nabayaran na daw - as to how we don't know. Puro lista sa tubig.

My parents are coming home soon. They want to live w/ us and hubby is 100% ok w/ it kasi he never had any problems w/ my parents naman. I already told him that I plan to give both my parents monthly allowances - more than what he's giving his mom. Wala rin naman syang issues dito. Similarly, our family's needs come first. Aware din naman parents ko w/ this. Yung allowances nila they didn't ask me. Kusa akong nag-alok.

[Princess_Chill]

before i had a 9 year bf, and the family doesnt like me really because im not RICH and im half chinese. nung una kami ni ex super pinaglalaban ang isa't- isa to the point na sige pakasal na kami but i need to kiss his parents @** para lang magustuhan nila ako na dun ako sa kanila mag work etc. but still they never liked me so gumagawa sila ng paraan para mag hiwalay kami ng ex ko and to the point na mawalan ng mana x ko pag ako pinili nya so..now hindi na kami...successful sila..

now my future husband ayus naman ako with his family but i still dont want na magkakasama kami sa bahay like ko na nakabukod kami para ma avoid ang mga mis understandings diba??

[grumpybear]

^that's something that you have to make clear with your fiance. Don't agree to something pre-marriage and then renege on it. Otherwise, resentment will form and maybe rightly so. Kung klaro ka from the get-go kung ano ang expectations mo, walang sisihan then.

[keidee]

^^best talaga ang nakabukod kayo.

[mobilizer]

I don't care anymore, what is important is the assurance that my husband will be on my side whatever happened. Basta bilin ni hubby, wag ko sasagutin mga in laws ko, sya na daw bahala, fine , masunurin ako e...pero kelangan kampihan nya ko     

[~TiCkLeS~]

dati...ngayon hindi na....i don't care anymore...kung gusto nila ko good, kung ayaw nila eh di wag 

[kwinchesters]

Ako din pagod na sa conflict sa in-laws ko.. Kahit kampi sakin asawa ko, still mahirap mabuhay ng hindi boto sayo ang in-laws mo.. 

Mga sis me pababasa akong email sa inyo. Email ito ng SISTER IN-LAW ko. Since hindi ako marunong mag-attach ng link from an email, copy-paste lang ginawa ko. I swear to God na wala akong inedit dito na words, yung name lang namin ni hubby ang pinalitan ko..


Hi John,
>
>
> Haven't talked to you
> in a while.  How are you and the family?  I had a
> chat with Nanay.  She talked about the incident with
> your wife.  I'm not taking sides.  I definitely
> know how Nanay could be sometime.  We all know how she
> is.  Can you please talk to Kate and try to explain it
> to her.  Wala na tayong magagawa.  Ganyan na
> talaga si Nanay.  So when she gets into one of her
> moods, just try to take it with a grain of salt.  In
> one ear, out the other.  Huwag nyo nang salubungin ang
> pag-nanag niya.  Just listen and yes her to
> death.  The more you defy her, the more she'll take
> it against you.  Just think about what a big help she
> is to you.  I'm sure you'd be able to tolerate
> her moods that way.  What will I do to have someone
> like her to help me out and my family, financially, I
> mean.  You're very lucky!  She's given you
> everything you need.  The least you both can do, is
> tolerate her moods.  I don't want to hear her
> complain to me again that your wife refuse to even talk to
> her.  If I had a mother-in-law like her, I'd be
> "kissing her butt" every chance I get!
>
> Love,
>
>
> Ate 


Nasaktan ako dun sa sinabi sakin ng sis in-law ko na i should kiss my mother in-laws ass dahil sa binigay daw financially??? My God, alam ni Lord na hindi kami humingi ng pambili ng pagkain kahit kanino. Ang kapal ng mukha nitong hipag ko na magsalita daig pa ang Diyos..
At kung binigyan nga kami ng pera o materyal na bagay ng byenan ko, hindi yun pasaporte para lait-laitin nya ang pagkatao ko for 8 years.

[mobilizer]

Wrong choice of word lang siguro yun hipag mo.  Nanay nya yun d ba?  O syempre para sa kanya kaya nya tolerate ang mga mood swings ng nanay nya.  Tayo naman mga daughter in law, d naman natin kaya adopt lahat ng mood swings ng in laws natin,
basta advise ko lang sayo, basta wag mo nga sya sasagut sagutin, tama hipag mo, pasok sa tenga tapos labas agad, wag mo na dibdibin at mag no reaction ka nalang baka lalong maasar mom in law mo hehe... no reaction ka nalang.

Ako din pagod na sa conflict sa in-laws ko.. Kahit kampi sakin asawa ko, still mahirap mabuhay ng hindi boto sayo ang in-laws mo.. 

Mga sis me pababasa akong email sa inyo. Email ito ng SISTER IN-LAW ko. Since hindi ako marunong mag-attach ng link from an email, copy-paste lang ginawa ko. I swear to God na wala akong inedit dito na words, yung name lang namin ni hubby ang pinalitan ko..


Hi John,
>
>
> Haven't talked to you
> in a while.  How are you and the family?  I had a
> chat with Nanay.  She talked about the incident with
> your wife.  I'm not taking sides.  I definitely
> know how Nanay could be sometime.  We all know how she
> is.  Can you please talk to Kate and try to explain it
> to her.  Wala na tayong magagawa.  Ganyan na
> talaga si Nanay.  So when she gets into one of her
> moods, just try to take it with a grain of salt.  In
> one ear, out the other.  Huwag nyo nang salubungin ang
> pag-nanag niya.  Just listen and yes her to
> death.  The more you defy her, the more she'll take
> it against you.  Just think about what a big help she
> is to you.  I'm sure you'd be able to tolerate
> her moods that way.  What will I do to have someone
> like her to help me out and my family, financially, I
> mean.  You're very lucky!  She's given you
> everything you need.  The least you both can do, is
> tolerate her moods.  I don't want to hear her
> complain to me again that your wife refuse to even talk to
> her.  If I had a mother-in-law like her, I'd be
> "kissing her butt" every chance I get!
>
> Love,
>
>
> Ate 


Nasaktan ako dun sa sinabi sakin ng sis in-law ko na i should kiss my mother in-laws ass dahil sa binigay daw financially??? My God, alam ni Lord na hindi kami humingi ng pambili ng pagkain kahit kanino. Ang kapal ng mukha nitong hipag ko na magsalita daig pa ang Diyos..
At kung binigyan nga kami ng pera o materyal na bagay ng byenan ko, hindi yun pasaporte para lait-laitin nya ang pagkatao ko for 8 years.

[kimchua]

dapat ba talaga ganun ang attitude? hindi sasagot na lang at pakinggan lang kung ano ang mga sasabihin nila?? ewan ko lang po ha. sabagay iba iba kasi tayo.. lalo pa kung may mga low tolerance level lang.. sakin kasi parang hindi pwede eh..once na parang hindi ko gusto, nagsasalita rin ako agad. at least alam nila. at least malagay agad sila sa tamang lugar nila. 3 days after our wedding pa lang, nagkaron na kami ng MIL ko ng confrontation, sa harap pa ni hubby yun.. mas gusto ko kasi yung harapan..hindi puro kimkim,,at least malaman nila na hindi ako pwedeng basta tapak tapakan lang nila.. hindi naman ako napulot lang sa basurahan noh! esp i dont need them in my existence, i dont care.. besides alam naman ni hubby ang mga nangyayari.. hindi naman ako baliw para gumawa ng gulo,,unless ako ang ginugulo.. at least ngayon matino na sila.. kung pinabayaan ko lang siguro yun at nagkunwari akong ok lang e malamang hiwalay na kami ni hubby ngayon..kasi pag galit ako sa family nya o may kinikimkim ako against them,, si hubby ang nagiging shock absorber,na guilty nga ako kasi narealized ko wala naman syang kasalanan pero sya ang pinapahirapan ko.kasi sya na ang hindi ko pinapansin.

[blooming]

^^
 sis kwinchesters, pov ko lang naman (from an outsider), kung ako ang sis in law mo, I would also say the same things.

yes, your mil may only be providing material things sa inyo, pero without them, can you survive?  if you dont want to kiss your mil's ass, then refuse lahat ng material things she is giving you and hubby at magsarili na kayo ni hubby. that way, wala syang masasabi.

pero feeling ko hindi tama na banggain nyo pa yung nakatatanda to think sinusustentuhan na nya kayo.  and your sil is right, the least you can do is respect your mil.

[grumpybear]

I'd have to agree with the above post by blooming.
If you are somewhat dependent on your MIL, kailangan ng kaunting pagpapakumbaba otherwise masusumbat talaga yan.
Or maybe instead of refusing to talk to the MIL, you can hash out the issues rather than pa-dedma. For me kasi parang medyo immature yon. Unless na lang you totally do not want to have anything to do with your inlaws. But as long as you are accepting support from them, you do need to have a good relationship with them.

[kimchua]

ah ok,,kung ganun nga naman ang situation na parang nakaasa sa in law, parang nakakahiya namang mag mataas pa.. kaya siguro malakas ang loob ko kasi nga alam kung hindi ako umaasa sa kanila, hindi kami nakakagulo sa kanila at financially independent din naman ako, hindi ako pabigat sa anak nya, kaya parang di ko tanggap yung aapak apakan lang nila at parang hindi nirerespeto.. to think nakaasa lang sila sa hubby ko.. think they took me as a threat kasi.. pero now medyo ok naman na kasi dinededma ko sila..as in kahit nagtetext si mil hindi ko na lang nirereply. ayaw ko ng issue.iwas na lang. thoug hnagsumbong pa nga ki hubby na bakit daw hindi ko sya nirereply pag nagtetext sya. pag may tanong sya about hubby, like kung nasaan or kung may signal, sinasagot ko..pero yung plain nangungumusta lang, i didnt bother na. kasi baka humaba pa at magka issue na naman. magkaiba kasi ang frame of mind namin..kasi madalas may misinterpretations at misunderstandings sa mga messages kaya now what i do is dedma.

[kwinchesters]

FYI po, ni pambili ng merienda wala kaming hiningi, natanggap sa in-laws ko kasi may lakas pa naman kami para magtrabaho. Parang masyado naman ata yung word na dependent as if sa kanya nagngagaling ang pagkain naming mag-iina.

At kung meron man binigay, i dont believe na hayaan kong bilhin nya ang pagkatao ko at ng pamilya ko, if you were in my shoes, would you allow that? Hindi ba, aaray ka din, masasaktan?

Yung sinasabi nyong isoli ang binigay o wag tanggapin, this happened a long time ago bago nag-start ang conflict, isang beses na binigyan nya ng pera ang husband ko, then after that kung magsalita na sya samin parang hindi kami kamag-anak.

Let's say the other way around, Kung ang parents ba natin o ibang tao kamag-anak o hindi eh binigyan natin ng pera, o tulong, may karapatan na ba tayong magsalita ng masasakit sa kanila?

[blooming]

^ sis, kung hindi naman pala kayo umaasa, bakit naman yun ang impression ni sil?  wala kasi akong nakitang ibang m post mo sis maliban sa letter ni sil. So I assumed na you are staying in a same place with your mil. 

siguro the best thing para hindi na kayo maka-iringan ni mil eh bumukod na kayo ni hubby. kahit pa hindi na kayo ngayon umaasa kay mil, yan kasi ang nagiging impression ni sil.

hindi talaga maiiwasan mga conflicts na ganyan lalo pa nasa isa kayong bubong (am assuming again na magkasama kayo ng house kaya hindi mo si mil maiwasan)

[frapi]

i read the email portion...and hmmm...

what does your SIL mean wtih the financial support?

Just think about what a big help she
> is to you.  I'm sure you'd be able to tolerate
> her moods that way.  What will I do to have someone
> like her to help me out and my family, financially, I
> mean.  You're very lucky!  She's given you
> everything you need.


what does she mean by everything you need?

[mami violy]

kiber kung ayaw nila sakin since malayo naman kami sa kanila at madalang magkita-kita kaya di ako affected or kahit malapit pa kami sa kanila as long as kami ni hubby ay ok. walang prob pero kapag si hubby may kinampihan na din ay laking gulo nyan

kapag may occassion tahimik na lang me at no comment sa lahat ng bagay mas maganda kasi kung tahimik ka na lang at yung mga side comment mo ay kay hubby na lang sabihin kasi for sure si hubby dami din nun masasabi LOL

[rockyroad]

as long as i don't live with my in-laws i don't really care. ibang usapan na kung nasa iisang bubungan kami. Hahanap at hahanap  talaga ako ng paraan para bumuklod kami para wala ng issue. nakaka-stress kasi yang may kasama ka sa bahay na di mo kasundo. sobrang nakakastress. pag-gising mo sa umaga negative na agad ang pakiramdam mo.

[ceejhei]

^ ang mommy ko din may hinanakit sa sis in law ko, minsan ginagatungan ko din, kasi nakikita ko talaga na mali eh. Ang mommy ko ang tagapag alaga ng anak ng kuya ko at anak ko, wala kaming maid dahil probably di kinakaya ang work sa house.

i live with my parents, si hubby andun sakanila, i work in makati and considering that less ang travel time ko kapag dun ako tumira, but i'd rather take my 2 hours travel time from makati to novaliches and vise versa rather than makisama sa [textspeak!] ko. soon bubukod na kami ni hubby.

advice ko lang, hanggat kaya niyo magbukod ni hubby, bumukod nalang kahit maliit na house, basta matuturing mo na ikaw ang nag ru-rule sa house at walang ibang pinapakisamahan. mahirap talang makisama at bawat galaw mo eh pinapakialaman.

[super bratinella]

^that is correct, there can only be one Queen to rule the house and that is the mother...

Noong hindi pa kami nakabukod, I never answer back sa in laws ko, at that is one of the advise given to me by my dad before getting married. Kahit anong gawin sa akin, I just have to understand, dahil dun magrereflect kung paano ka pinalaki ng magulang mo.

As much as possibe mga sis, never answer back to your in laws, this rescpect goes back to yourself,  to your hubby, to your parents and to your IL most specially.

[maletcute]

not at all!
well dito mo pa nga mapapatunayan kung gaano ka kamahal ng asawa mo talaga.