Do we need to love our in laws?

[lalee888]

Really following this topic since it will always be relevant and important to married folks who have in-laws. Also following the other thread about moving-in with in-laws..

My husband's parents are the reserved and calm type of people. Especially my MIL. I'm actually beginning to love them, not just respect them, and i look forward to our visits to their home (but also look forward to my personal time away from everyone). Of course this doesn't mean life will be perfect.. friction is always present in any relationship, no matter how "perfect" it may seem. My husband asked me if I'd be willing to move-in with my in-laws at any point, if we decide to move/relocate and they plan to relocate too... sabi ko No... because as most of you have put it, isa lang ang queen of the house and i don't want to tarnish the nice relationship we currently have.. kaso may circumstances we may not avoid it... like if we relocate nga. Yes we can make it temporary, but now I'm wrought with worry and fear of what could go wrong!!

Any of you experienced living with in-laws temporarily? how did that go? please share?!

[keejac21]

^It's so hard. I actually don't know paano I-share yung current situation namin sa bahay. Halos sa amin nakatira yung both in-laws ko plus yung kapatid at pamangkin ni husband. I say "halos" kasi kinuhanan sila ni husband ng condo unit na di naman kalayuan sa amin. So ganyan, inayos nila, bumili ng gamit etc etc.. So ang nangyari, si MIL mukhang ayaw naman lumipat doon dahil wala siyang sariling kwarto. Pag araw, nandiyan sila sa bahay, kumakain, nanonood ng TV, nag-uutos sa mga helpers.. Then sa gabi, uuwi sila sa condo pero kinabukasan pupunta ulit diyan.. and ganon ulit yung mangyayari. Si MIL sa bahay pa din nakatira. Siya yung excuse na pupunta diyan yung rest of the family.

So stressful mga sis.. Nag-away na kami ni husband pero ramdam na ramdam ko kung gaano niya ka suportado yung pamilya niya over us (me and our son). Unawain ko daw. Nahihirapan akong unawain at pagpasensiyahan sila.

[kvandenhaak]

^The problem with mama's boy mentality of our culture.

[cupcakejane]

Respect for me should be enough, we are not always on the same level with them to automatically expect love

[super bratinella]

I have no issues with my in laws I love them and love me back, we stay this way kasi hindi kami magkasama sa iisang bahay, otherwise that would be a different story.

[otra_vez]

Any of you experienced living with in-laws temporarily? how did that go? please share?!

Ok, I'll share hehe.

We lived temporarily with my husband's sister. At the time, my MIL was also living with her. It's a big house and she has her little kids and an ex who hangs around once in awhile. We were truly grateful for his sister's generosity. Honestly, if it's your house, as long as it's your house, you call the shots so you shouldn't worry too much. Anyway, we planned to stay there for about 8 months, at least until we had our bearings and we felt financially comfortable renting our own place. We ended up staying only about 4 months, at the end of which, in the middle of the night, the sister wanted to kick us all out, including her very own mother.

So the temporary arrangement became a permanent one for us. Now we live with my MIL. And like I mentioned, she's a wonderful woman. I believe I love her. But we clash once in awhile. We don't fight but we don't agree about everything so sometimes may tension. Common issues that arise in these situations would be financial. Like who takes care of which bills and like for us, our electric bill is thru the roof because my MIL wants A/C 24/7. Pero ayaw naman magcontribute to pay. And she's a hoarder, she shops like crazy (hindi sya masaya pag hindi nagsusuka yung ref) and magkaiba kami ng cleaning styles. And she always wants to babysit for her daughter. Ako ayoko. I like peace and quiet. If I wanted chaos, I would have had kids of my own.

All I can advise probably is to have patience. Whether we like it or not, we are bound to their families. And families help each other out, to the best of their ability. Pero yun nga, kung bahay mo naman, you shouldn't worry too much. Kasi ikaw ang boss. Like in my SIL's case-- she was a b*tch but she was the boss of her house. Galit pa din ako sa kanya when I think of the s**t she put us through but you know, I keep it inside lol.

[Bridgette*]

My sister has been living in our (parent's) house since she got married last 2009. Both my sibs have their own families already. My brother is based abroad. Since ayokong manahin yung bahay, this year it has been decided na si Ate ang magmamana non so I think they had ditched the plans na of getting a place of their own.

Sa 11 years na yun, yung asawa ng Ate ko and my mom they oftentimes clash. Based on my observation, yung asawa ng Ate ko may pagka bastos rin kasi. They are casual naman pag kumpleto kami sa bahay and then my mom nakikita ko nagmamalasakit naman sya. Since asawa yon ng kapatid ko, at mahal ng mom ko si Ate, no choice sya but to also love my sister's husband.

In all honesty ayoko sa asawa ni Ate sa nakita kong ugali nya. Nung baby pa lang pamangkin ko lagi syang late umuuwi wala man lang katuwang ang nanay ko. Sis kasi is working on shifts. Pati simpleng paglilinis sa house, paggamit sa cr, even minsan sinasagot nya nanay ko! Of course he gets reprimanded several times dahil Amazona ang nanay ko which serves him right. Ngayon okay naman na, kahit pano. He knew his place. Pero wala pa rin sya silbi sa bahay.


Now, from an observer's point of view, I think if you will be living with your inlaws, you need to be patient, respectful and mahalaga na makisama ka. Iba iba yung reasons why married couples end up living on an extended family type setup pero if circumstances doesn't allow you to love your inlaws, atleast be civil and professional diba. After all sabi nga nila pag nagpakasal ka, hindi lang yung dyowa mo yung papakasalan mo, pati pamilya nya - absolutely everything about him or her right.

But as for me, if the time will come that I will marry, I want to love my inlaws. Just so because isn't that wonderful? : )

[ana mimi]

If your in-laws like you and love you, bigger the chances of us loving them back. E pano naman if they don't like you? Kagaya ng sa situation ko, ayaw saken ng parents niya kase may 2 kids na ako from a previous relationship diba?

Pinakikisamahan ko nalang din as respect pero ayoko talagang nagpupunta sa bahay ng inlaws ko as much as possible. Tutal ayaw naman din nila saken, e di hindi na rin ako madalas magpapakita. I'll be civil nalang and try my best na makihalubilo.

[symphonyann]

definitely love should be number 1. in any relationship. there are different ways to express our love for our in-laws though. that's one thing to learn in the process (of marriage) as a sign of honoring these people who raised our men

[pinkarrow]

Hello Sissies,

Question for those who doesn't have kids yet. Do you go home every month to your inlaws? Kami kasi ni hubby umuuwi every month sa province sa Pampanga to visit MIL and hubby's niece. Minsan nakakatamad umuwi hehe pero hindi ko naman masabi sa asawa ko kasi once a month nalang nga tapos ayaw ko pa. Naisip ko kasi pwede naman meet sila somewhere like trinoma. Just curious lang kung ganon din sa ibang magasawa

[Shadow Angel]

Kami since nagkasama every month talaga ang visit since wala pang anak until magka anak. 3hrs driving kaya lagi kami sleep over kasi kakapagod if balikan. Gusto ko naman ang kasi mababait mga inlaws ko and gusto ko rin na malapit hubby ko sa family nya.

[ohcmon]

^^ Ayoko rin umuwi sa parents ni hubby kasi iba talaga ugali lol pero wala akong choice kasi nahihiya ako sa kanya. Kapag nag-aya ako sa parents ko anytime, payag siya, siya pa nga nag-aaya dun minsan kaya parang diyahe to not return the favor.

[simang]

^^^pwede mo naman siguro open up sa husband mo yung suggestion na yan, na meet half way na lang kayo. Though depende rin sa dynamics nyo kasi, baka mamaya gusto ng inlaws mo dun kayo sa pampanga para maipagluto kayo or something.

Sa case namin, mas madalas kaming umuwi sa side ko since mas malapit (~2hrs away). Sa in laws ko kasi, 5 hr drive. So ang uwi namin dun usually 3x a year lang -- fiesta, bday ni MIL, tapos new year. Sa side ko hindi naman monthly pero usually pag may bdays umuuwi kami. Minsan naman meet kami halfway sa Alabang if gusto lang magdinner.

[thebratinella]

@pink arrow. Medyo nakakarelate ko in some way though may anak na kami and in-laws ko are in Cavite but before gusto ni mil na pag long weekends/holidays umuwi sa Bulacan. May iilang pinsan and tito/tita kasi si hubby dun pero magkakaibang houses na kasi halos lahat may own families. Niyayaya niya kami kasi pagdrive siya ng husband ko. Nandun din kasi high school friends niya and madalas may mga lakad sila. Sa totoo lang nakakapagod lalo na if busy ka sa work from Monday to Friday and parang gusto mo na lang humilata sa kama pag off. Dati nag-aargue kami ng husband ko kapag nagbeg off ko to go. Now hindi na kami masyado nakakauwi dun. Nadala na kasi na ilang beses kami stuck sa NLEX or EDSA kapag uwian ng Semana Santa or Halloween. Since siya lang marunong magdrive, pagod na pagod siya. Wala din naman kasi kaming ginagawa sa Bulacan pag umuuwi kami. Nanonood lang kami ng tv, tambay sa living room. Ang dadatnan mo 2 pinsan, 2 tita, 1 tito. Si mil umaalis para meet mga friends. Ibang relatives wala kasi may mga sariling lakad at pamilya na. Buti ngayon naintindihan na ng husband ko na di naman need umuuwi dun tuwing walang pasok. Si mil na lang umuuwi alone if gusto niya gumala with her friends. Grabe dati arguments namin about it. Hindi kasi siya marunong humindi dati sa mama niya. Sabi ko nga if gusto naman nila tayo makasama, ang lapit lang ng bahay nila. Why not? Pero yung sasama tayo sa Bulacan sa mama mo hindi naman need lagi kasi what if may gusto din tayong gawin or puntahan pag holiday.

Okay na yung once a month if malayo yung bahay ng in-laws para naman may time kayo ng husband mo to do the things you want or travel kapag walang work. Kami before weekly nagdinner sa house ng in-laws since 1 hr away lang naman. Ngayon hindi na kasi not in good terms kami ng husband ko with his father.  Niyayaya na lang namin ng lunch or dinner sa mall si mil and sil.

[o9kristin]

No.. But like most commenters here say, you need to respect them.

As how I see it, problems arise when the in-laws see the spouse as ?karibal? to their son. I believe na wala sa bait yan kasi kahit gano sila ka bait, when they see you as karibal, wala na nagkaka-conflict na. My husband was also the breadwinner of the family. As in halos sya ang nag-angat sa family nila sa kahirapan. But when we got married, wala silang masamang sinabi because they never see me as karibal sa anak nila but an addition to the family. Hindi din sila nakikialam sa decisions namin mag-asawa. They make suggestions from time to time but never impose.

[super bratinella]

At first my in laws are not really favorable na ako mapangasawa ng anak nila kasi medyo hindi  ako magandang influence sa anak nila who has been a good boy.

Nung kinasal kami hindi rin sila convinced that I can manage household efficiently.

As the years go by I just proved them wrong.

I never answer them back, before me and my husband got married my papa give me piece of advise I will never forget. Sabi ng papa ko "Sagutin mo na kami magulang mo, maiintindihan ka namin, pero huwag na huwag ang magiging byenan mo."

So I never answer them back no matter what! Nilalambing ko na lang sila.

Fast forward, I see to it that I date my mom and dad in law and me exclusive without my husband. Bond and update lang on what's happening with my life ask for their advices.  Just quality time with them.

They are happy then I am happy..

[barbramae]

No. Civil lang.

In my case, jusko, anak nga nila di nila kayang mahalin ng maayos tapos mamahalin ko pa sila. Masyado naman yata silang sinuswerte. 

Pupunta nalang sa church wedding naman, kami na nga gagatos lahat. aattend lang sila, hindi pa magawa. 

[PurpleBubbleGum]

Hehe I tried loving my in laws. Been living with them starting 6 months before the wedding and now almost 1.5 years na kaming nakatira sa kanila and hubby and I are now married.

I thought talaga mabait si MIL. Pero iba pala talaga pag kasama mo na sa bahay, lumalabas tunay na kulay. She acts like the queen of the house (well dapat naman kasi sya ang may ari ng bahay). Pero thing is, para narin kaming umupa because we pay all the bills. Pati food at bigas kami. And malakas pa un mangutang pero walang bayaran.

May time na ang bait nya sakin pero may mga times na maldita sya. Maski anong bilhin ko para sa kanila, out of love and pakikisama, lagi syang may pintas. Kesyo dapat ganito ang bilhin. Mali ito. Mali yan. Wala na akong ginawang tama. Ang nakakatawa ako ang laging nanlilibre sa lahat kasi wala naman silang pera. Feeling mayaman pero wala namang pera. Kung makapintas pa, kala mo kung sino. Buti nga binilhan pa sila diba. She's very insensitive and she treats my husband like a 1 year old. Ayaw nyang pagbuhatin at paghugasin ng plato. Ultimo brief ng asawa ko sya parin naglalaba kasi daw nasanay na sya. Take note, in a few years, 40 y/o na ang asawa ko!

Also, aside from criticizing me everyday, she forces me to adopt to their culture and lifestyle. Eh kaso iba ako. Tulad sa pagkain, andaming bawal sakin. Pero for a few months last year, pinakisamahan ko at kumakain ako kasi baka magtampo. Ayun resulta is lalong lumala ang sakit ko. Lahat ng ideas ko lagi syang nakakontra. At makomento in a tactless and insensitive way.

Isa pa, mahilig makipagcompete. Pag may bago akong damit or gamit, inggit sya. Tulad nung bday ko binilhan ako ng asawa ko ng sapatos, sya din nagpabili ng mamahalin sapatos. Maski wala ng pera asawa ko. Ending, ako pa din ang nagbayad kasi nga kapos ang asawa ko. Pero ni hani ho, walang thank you si MIL.

Kahit ganon, wala kang choice kundi magsmile at makisama pa din. Pero mapupuno ka rin pala. I decided na iwan ang asawa ko maski 6 months palang kami kasal kasi di ko na kaya. Galit na galit na ako sa MIL ko. It's not healthy to live with her at alam kong dadating [textspeak!] time, masasagot ko sya at masasabihan ng masakit. I told my husband lilipat na ako ng bahay at iiwan ko na sya. Ayun, nagalit ang asawa ko and I told him everything. Lahat ng naipon kong sama ng loob sa nanay nya. He understood na never kami magkakasundo.

Dont get me wrong mga sis, maski "maldita" nanay nya sakin, never ko un sinagot kahit asar na asar na ako. Respeto pa din. But the longer I stay in their house, chances are in the near future, magkakabanggaan kami.

So in 3 months, lilipat na kami ng asawa ko. Freedom! Excited na ako. Ayoko na talaga dito! Hahaha!

[glamorosa_09]

So in 3 months, lilipat na kami ng asawa ko. Freedom! Excited na ako. Ayoko na talaga dito! Hahaha!

Wow! Congrats! Ang haba ng pisi mo... Bait mo pa nga eh.

Okay yan, hindi mo pinapili husband mo. Tipong, "aalis na ko, bahala ka na kung sasama ka o hindi." May tampuhan, yes, but in the end, ikaw pinili.

[charmed30]

my MIL and I were never really close. Never got the chance since I am already based overseas during the time that hubby and I met and got married. We occasionally see each other when we go back to PH for vacay. My husband's relationship with her is not really okay due to unresolved issues and resentments. If I'm honest, I always try to stay away from her. I don't like her, her decisions and choices, and most of all, how she's a deadbeat grandparent to my kids. I am in the point in my life to unload these kind of negative people regardless if they're family or friends.