@lalee, if the willingness to help is coming from the heart, just do so and ignore the side commentaries. we are the same as you guys, hubs and i will do everything in our capacity to help our parents and siblings from both sides. and not that i'm keeping tally, i'm only mentioning the instances here to show how we've handled it in the past.
for me kasi, i wanna help because i want to alleviate/improve the situation of the person needing help, i won't even think how helping them may inconvenienced me. that's the thing for me, when i help anybody, i do so wholeheartedly.
i've experienced having both sets of our parents living with us, of course not at the same time and in two separate instances. we lived in my parents house when we first started our little family, not much of an issue as this is typical of Pinoy families di ba. eventually we bought our first house and my inlaws from the Phils came to live with us when my son was born, they just retired from work then. it was good for all of us, we have a live-in babysitter and they get to live and experience life here in the states. my inlaws were very dear people to me, father in law was a doctor and MIL was a teacher. see i have nothing to complain about, i have a perfect setup, a doctor in the house to keep the kids healthy and safe and a teacher to stimulate learning. since our house was close to my parents', my dad was always around visiting with my inlaws, basically entertaining them to lessen their homesickness. and my dad was the one picking up the kids from school and providing after school care/food. omg, how did i get so lucky di ba, a doctor, a teacher and a chauffer/cook, LOL.
fast forward 20+ years later. my parents were now living in the Phil enjoying their retirement years. then dad got really sick and taken to the hospital only to find out that he had very late-stage cancer. hubs and i flew home right away to take them back here in the states. they lived with us again and during this time, he was undergoing treatment. living with somebody with CA could be very trying, but not once was there any complaints from anyone since we all knew what he's going thru. he eventually succumbed to it after 9 months from detection. then my mom who had been battling diabetes/renal failure had to start peritoneal dialysis. she's still living with us so now we have to deal with this latest development. and she passed on only 6 months after my dad. i have 2 sisters but neither one offered to take them in because they knew it will not be easy. did i resent it? maybe just a tiny bit, but i understand too that they're most comfortable living at my house, they've said so. my parents were also the most comfortable with my husband of all the inlaws. i let them do/cook/eat whatever they want, i did not nitpick with them, because i let them into my house with no conditions nor reservations. that's the best help i can give them at that time. i've heard stories from other people when inlaws are taken in but later on the owners of the house are complaining about how messy they get, the odors of the food they cook, not contributing to the expenses, etc.
then just last year, it was MIL who got hospitalized. again hubs and i flew back home to take care of her. she was in the hospital for 2 weeks and we stayed with her the whole time, we actually commandeered the adjacent hospital room so we can be with her all hours. (yes you can do that sa Pinas, why would they care, everything there is paid with cash unlike here where insurance coverage is required). and she didn't last long, the third week we attended to her wake and funeral arrangements. and since we had funds, we offered to pay for all the expenses. the abuloy fund was pretty substantial but we just let my BIL's family who lived with her to keep it, they need it more.
again, this is only to show that if we want to help, we can and we should. why would it matter what other people think anyway, more so that this is only temporary as you indicated. you know they need help, you want to help, so why not just give it as long as it's also ok with them that you will be staying . some people put a lot of value to their privacy so just be mindful of that. that long drawn-out narrative about us and our parent/in-laws is to show that i only like to address the bigger issue, small annoyances from each other being on the same household, for me are just too petty and trivial.
anyway, not sure how much of this grumbling can help with your problem but good-luck, i know you'll do the right thing.
