Author Topic: Do we need to love our in laws?  (Read 9145 times)

shinies

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Do we need to love our in laws?
« on: March 27, 2018, 07:11:59 pm »
May mga ok sa in laws at nagsasabi na dapat mageffort na mahalin ang mga in laws.
Pero alam ko madami din naman di ok. Kailangan ba talaga na mahal mo in laws mo? Di ba ok naman din basta nirerespeto at inaalagaan sila?

Eto storya ko..
(Alam ko merong mga mas malala pa relasyon sa in laws nila.. Pasensya na wag niyo na lang siguro pansinin ito kung nakakainis at mababaw para sa inyo.)

Nung mag-BF/GF, ok kami ng pamilya ni BF. May mga business trip pa si BF noon na naiiwan magisa nanay niya at binibisita ko. As in nagbonding kami 2 lang ng nanay niya. Walang anak na babae kaya para bang ako yung daughter-they-never-had.
Sweet akong tao at tinuturuan ko din noon si BF na maging sweet sa magulang niya. Celebrate ng birthday, mother's day, father's day, etc. Natouch naman sila kasi hindi ganun anak nila at alam nilang ako nagtuturo.
Ok naman kami kahit magkaiba kami. Alam ko magkaiba culture/values ng pamilya ko sa kanila at nirerespeto ko naman yun. Ang turo din kasi sa akin ng magulang ko, iba iba ang family dynamics talaga ng mga tao.
Masasabi ko na noon, nahulog naman loob ko sa kanila.

Nagsimula problema nung nagsabi si BF na magpropose na siya sa akin. Imbis na matuwa, nagalit sila sa kanya.. Sabi paano naman daw sila? Naka-asa kasi yung mga magulang sa mga anak nila. Si BF pa lang may trabaho noon at nag-aapply pa lang kapatid niya.
Sinisi pa nila ako na aagawin daw yung pera na dapat sa kanila.. Sila yung tipo ng magulang ginagawang investment anak nila.
Simula nagkatrabaho si BF, tambay na lang sila sa bahay nag-iinternet. Binibigyan ng puhunan sa negosyo para magkasource of income sila, ayaw... Matanda na daw sila (pero mahilig lumabas labas kasama mga kaibigan o kamaganak).

Nung malapit na kasal, walang pamamanhikan. Ayaw nila. Magisa lang si BF na pormal na nagpaalam sa pamilya ko.
Sabi nila, di daw kasi nila gawain yun at hindi daw nila gusto makipagplastikan sa pamilya ko. Nasaktan kami ni BF dito at ang pamilya ko naman eh naramdaman walang respeto o konsiderasyon para sa kultura namin.
Sobra lungkot ng BF ko nito pakiramdam niya di siya mahal. Ako at ang pamilya ko na lang nagparamdam na mahal namin siya. Parang inako namin dahil ganun ugali ng pamilya niya.

Nung kasal na, nandun naman sila (muntik pang hindi umattend) pero may sariling mundo. Hindi man lang nakipagusap sa pamilya ko as in deadma level. Nagalala magulang ko at tinanong ako kung di ba ako minamaltrato nung mga in laws ko.

Kahit na masakit yung mga ginawa/sinabi nila, hindi ko naman tinigil mga ginagawa para sa kanila. Tuloy pa din ako sabihan si mister na kamustahin lagi pamilya niya. Ako din tagaorder ng mga regalo sa mga okasyon saka taga yaya na bumisita kami (minsan lang bisita kasi malayo bahay nila at madaling mapagod si mister sa pagdrive). Pag merong may sakit o emergency, punta agad sa kanila o bigay ng kailangan.

Wala silang problema sa amin. Dutiful daughter-in-law ako. Nagsasabi pa nga ng I love you nanay niya sa akin pero hindi ko sila mahal.. Nakakaguilty pero kailangan ko sagutin kahit na hindi totoo para sa akin.
Sinubukan ko pa na araw arawin makipagkamustahan sa kanila pero hanggang dun lang.
Lahat ng ginagawa ko, para kay mister talaga kasi gusto ko maganda relasyon at pakikitungo sa pamilya niya.

Kahit na ilang taon na din ang nakalipas, ang naiisip ko na dahilan bakit ganito ako eh kasi hindi naman sila nagsorry noon. Kaya wala din pagpapatawad dun sa mga ginawa at sinabi nila sa akin, kay mister, at sa pamilya ko kasi para sa kanila, walang mali sa ginawa nila..



Para sa mga nakakarelate, yung mga magkaiba values sa in laws o kaya may mga differences etc etc, did you learn to love your in laws? O keri lang basta civil kaya at ginagawa niyo duty niyo bilang daughter/son-in-law?

kvan

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #1 on: March 27, 2018, 10:57:50 pm »
Personal opinion, you don't have to. You can be civil but you don't have to love them.
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khaleesiCersei

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #2 on: March 27, 2018, 11:29:29 pm »
Never haha! Civil lang, respeto lang sa nakakatanda at lots of boundaries haha! Kasi kahit anong gawin ko hindi naman nila maaappreciate. May nalalaman pang hindi naman daw ako kadugo. Eh di wag haha im soo happy at hindi ko talaga sila kadugo noh! Pero civil naman kami, plastikan. Pero never kong kinamusta or nag effort. Nadala na ako. Tama na yung pag may okasyon na lang magkita kita hehe

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #3 on: March 28, 2018, 07:28:50 am »
Me too, hindi ko sila magawang mahalin. Pero yung respect hindi naman mawawala.
Inuunawa ko din kahit 100% financially dependent sila sa amin. Pero minsan di ko maiwasan mag maldita... Yung pagod ka galling sa office at sinuong mo yung traffic pauwi, tapos nakita mo yung inlaws mo at bayaw mo, nakahilata sa sofa.

Iniisip ko na lang na hindi naman aabot sa 200 yrs old yung inlaws ko.  ;D
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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #4 on: March 28, 2018, 08:50:56 am »
I don't think it's required to love your inlaws like you love your parents, but if you can, why not? Pero, respect, I think is necessary.

Buti na lang I don't have issues with my in laws. I can't say I love them like my parents but I really love and appreciate them.

Sabi nila when it comes to in-laws, kahit gaano sila kasalbahe sayo, wag na wag ka papatol. Kasi kahit ilang dekada ka pang nagtiis at sumubok makipag ayos, people will only remember the one time you snapped and they will remember you as the daughter in law na pumatol sa byenan.
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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #5 on: March 28, 2018, 09:43:21 am »
I am just civil with them just as they are with me. There was this thing that happened between me and my inlaws together with my sis in laws. And i can never forget about it because it happened the moment my father died. Ayaw nila ako umuwi ng pinas, they were thinking na kakadating ko lang sa usa then uuwi n ako kagad, gagastosn naman daw, etc! And together with that are many mean and hurtful words that i can never ever forget. Lalo na makapag death anniv ng dad ko, it all comes back and then now, dito sil nakasiksik sa bahay namin, nakikitira kasi pinaalis ng mga anak nila sa bahay nila... ayaw sila dun patirahin na..
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hisana

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #6 on: March 28, 2018, 10:34:19 am »
Sis, if you don't mind me asking, in what way ba magkaiba ang culture ninyo? Socioeconomic ba ito? Religious? Magkaiba lang talaga ang upbringing?

As to the topic, mahirap din naman pilitin mahalin if you don't really feel it.

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #7 on: March 28, 2018, 09:06:14 pm »
Thank goodness naman na maski hinde ako obliged mahalin in laws ko eh I do because they are really good people. And the best part is they love back.  :)
« Last Edit: March 29, 2018, 02:31:43 pm by Rory_Lorelie_Gilmore »

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #8 on: March 28, 2018, 09:45:57 pm »
^^i have same question as hisana sis.  But a quick reply to you -- as long as you respect your in-laws and treat them well, then you are fine. You can not force the feeling of love.. that's why they say good relationship with in-laws is draw of the luck.

The pop culture common reference is the wife and mom-in-law don't usually get along or have some awkward relationship. Yung okay ang relationship, LUCKY sila kasi that's more uncommon although marami rin naman okay ang relationships.

You sound like you are trying anyway, but my two cents -- don't keep a grudge, or a tally.. bumibigat sa heart mo and it will affect you more than it will affect them.

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #9 on: March 28, 2018, 09:52:44 pm »
Swerte rin ako sa inlaws feel ko ang love nila sa akin.

TS no need na ilove mo sila be civil na lang kasi kung di ko kasundo biyenan ko civil and show respect lang hanggang dun lang pwede natin magawa kasi mahirap ipilit kung hindi bukal sa loob mo.

Kaya big factor sa akin kung nag asawa ako ayaw ko kasama inlaws at ayaw ko sa bread winner ng family. Kasi alam ko kung hindi forever pang matagalan mo kahati ang family ng lalaking bread winner. Ex ko ganyan naging problema ko priority lagi ang family nya ako lagi 2nd lang. Promises or plan nya for us lagi nasisira dahil sa family nya nakaasa sa kanya. Kahit mga kapatid nya may asawa asa sa kanya. Buti nakawala ako natauhan ako na hindi ganun ang gusto ko buhay na lagi kasama family nya sa desisyon at financially kasama talaga sila sa budget.

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #10 on: March 29, 2018, 01:08:07 pm »
Quote from: shinies
Kahit na ilang taon na din ang nakalipas, ang naiisip ko na dahilan bakit ganito ako eh kasi hindi naman sila nagsorry noon.

Kasi parang may societal standards/expectations and personal standards regarding in-laws. Parang collectivist societies like Filipinos (especially yung mga elederlies) dictate na you should love your in-laws the way you love your parents, at hindi lang isang tao ang pinakasalan mo kundi pati yung pamilya at angkan nya. At least that's what I'm hearing.

If you will take what society believes, eh baka nga you will fall short of the standards and you will analyze, bakit nga ba ako ganito, bakit nga hindi ako ganun. So I suggest follow your personal standards na lang. Be polite, respectful of them and their family traditions just like what you're doing. Tulad nang nasabi na, mahirap nga naman ipilit kung walang feelings of love like warmth, endearment, and affection kung wala talaga doon. You tried to cultivate those feelings, pero wala talaga.

Meron bang magja-judge sayo kung walang love?

Quote from: shinies
  Nagsasabi pa nga ng I love you nanay niya sa akin pero hindi ko sila mahal.. Nakakaguilty pero kailangan ko sagutin kahit na hindi totoo para sa akin.

Yung "guilty" word, saan nanggagaling yun?

Nakarelate ako dito, nag I love you sa FB message yung gay BIL at MIL ko. Yung BIL ko sabi ko lang "mwah!" tapos hindi na sya ulit nag-message saken, so ewan ko if it's because of that. So yung MIL ko, sinabi ko na lang I love you too, itatype ko lang naman sa keyboard eh... hehe...

Do we need to love our in-laws

Personal standards ko, hindi. Yung BIL at [textspeak!] ko, pwede pa ako magkaroon ng warm feelings and endearment, pero sa MIL ko, parang malabo. Basta respectful lang ako, attend sa family gatherings (kahit nga minsan ayaw ko), and in time mag-aalaga sa pagtanda nila. Kung magkaroon ng feelings of love, go lang... kung wala, wala talaga.

Mabait naman MIL ko generally, pero hindi sya yung tipong magiging close friend ko kahit di ko sya MIL. Kaya lang kami pinagtagpo ng tadhana at patuloy na pagsasamahin ng tadhana ay dahil sa husband at daughter ko.

shinies

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #11 on: April 03, 2018, 05:22:28 pm »
Salamat mga sis!
Ang natutunan ko eh sundin na lang personal standards. At ituloy lang na nandiyan respeto at pagaalaga sa kanila.

Never haha! Civil lang, respeto lang sa nakakatanda at lots of boundaries haha! Kasi kahit anong gawin ko hindi naman nila maaappreciate. May nalalaman pang hindi naman daw ako kadugo. Eh di wag haha im soo happy at hindi ko talaga sila kadugo noh! Pero civil naman kami, plastikan. Pero never kong kinamusta or nag effort. Nadala na ako. Tama na yung pag may okasyon na lang magkita kita hehe

Ganyan din kami pag may okasyon lang. Mabuti na rin ano lalo kung ganyan may nasasabi pa na kung ano ano..

Me too, hindi ko sila magawang mahalin. Pero yung respect hindi naman mawawala.
Inuunawa ko din kahit 100% financially dependent sila sa amin. Pero minsan di ko maiwasan mag maldita... Yung pagod ka galling sa office at sinuong mo yung traffic pauwi, tapos nakita mo yung inlaws mo at bayaw mo, nakahilata sa sofa.

Iniisip ko na lang na hindi naman aabot sa 200 yrs old yung inlaws ko.  ;D

Sarap ng buhay nila..

Gets kita kasi ganyan din sa amin na financially dependent tapos bukod sa sustento mahilig pa humirit ng kung ano ano gaya ng cellphone ???

Pero sila mismo nagsasabi na mawawala naman na daw sila..

I don't think it's required to love your inlaws like you love your parents, but if you can, why not? Pero, respect, I think is necessary.

Buti na lang I don't have issues with my in laws. I can't say I love them like my parents but I really love and appreciate them.

Sabi nila when it comes to in-laws, kahit gaano sila kasalbahe sayo, wag na wag ka papatol. Kasi kahit ilang dekada ka pang nagtiis at sumubok makipag ayos, people will only remember the one time you snapped and they will remember you as the daughter in law na pumatol sa byenan.

Swerte mo sis :)

Totoo yan.. Lakas ng control ko kahit kailan wala sila narinig sa akin. Kahit nagaway sila ni mister ako pa nagaayos para sa kanila..

I am just civil with them just as they are with me. There was this thing that happened between me and my inlaws together with my sis in laws. And i can never forget about it because it happened the moment my father died. Ayaw nila ako umuwi ng pinas, they were thinking na kakadating ko lang sa usa then uuwi n ako kagad, gagastosn naman daw, etc! And together with that are many mean and hurtful words that i can never ever forget. Lalo na makapag death anniv ng dad ko, it all comes back and then now, dito sil nakasiksik sa bahay namin, nakikitira kasi pinaalis ng mga anak nila sa bahay nila... ayaw sila dun patirahin na..

 :( sila ba magbabayad ng ticket?
Ang tindi din ano? Pag sila may kailangan ok lang pero pag ikaw na, waley support!

Sis, if you don't mind me asking, in what way ba magkaiba ang culture ninyo? Socioeconomic ba ito? Religious? Magkaiba lang talaga ang upbringing?

As to the topic, mahirap din naman pilitin mahalin if you don't really feel it.

Magkaiba ng upbringing.

Pareho naman ng relihiyon.

Sa pera, ginawa nilang retirement plan mga anak nila. Magulang ko naman, bumuo ng sarili nilang retirement plan. Pareho naman nagsimula sa wala mga magulang namin pero sila hindi nagipon talaga kasi alam na nandiyan mga anak nila.

Interaction, mahilig silang makipagkaibigan sa kung sino sino pero sa pamilya ko di nila magawa kahit kausapin man lang. Saka di nila nirespeto yung pamamanhikan na tradisyon.

Thank goodness naman na maski hinde ako obliged mahalin in laws ko eh I do because they are really good people. And the best part is they love back.  :)

Lucky you!

^^i have same question as hisana sis.  But a quick reply to you -- as long as you respect your in-laws and treat them well, then you are fine. You can not force the feeling of love.. that's why they say good relationship with in-laws is draw of the luck.

The pop culture common reference is the wife and mom-in-law don't usually get along or have some awkward relationship. Yung okay ang relationship, LUCKY sila kasi that's more uncommon although marami rin naman okay ang relationships.

You sound like you are trying anyway, but my two cents -- don't keep a grudge, or a tally.. bumibigat sa heart mo and it will affect you more than it will affect them.

Salamat!

Hindi ko naman sinasadya bilangin pero yan ang mga dahilan bakit hindi ko sila gusto. Wala naman sila pagsisikap kaya wala din pagbabago sa nararamdaman ko.

Pero oo, yung pagiging civil at pagaalaga sa kanila di naman nawawala. Nageeffort pa din ako gampanan ano ang dapat.

Swerte rin ako sa inlaws feel ko ang love nila sa akin.

TS no need na ilove mo sila be civil na lang kasi kung di ko kasundo biyenan ko civil and show respect lang hanggang dun lang pwede natin magawa kasi mahirap ipilit kung hindi bukal sa loob mo.

Kaya big factor sa akin kung nag asawa ako ayaw ko kasama inlaws at ayaw ko sa bread winner ng family. Kasi alam ko kung hindi forever pang matagalan mo kahati ang family ng lalaking bread winner. Ex ko ganyan naging problema ko priority lagi ang family nya ako lagi 2nd lang. Promises or plan nya for us lagi nasisira dahil sa family nya nakaasa sa kanya. Kahit mga kapatid nya may asawa asa sa kanya. Buti nakawala ako natauhan ako na hindi ganun ang gusto ko buhay na lagi kasama family nya sa desisyon at financially kasama talaga sila sa budget.

Salamat sis!

Buti na lang ok din ang partner mo ngayon :)

Priority naman ako ni mister at may limit ang pagtulong niya sa magulang niya kaya ok. Pero tama yang sinasabi mo.. Madami din ako kilala na ganyan problema lagi pangalawa lang sila kahit kasal na.

Kasi parang may societal standards/expectations and personal standards regarding in-laws. Parang collectivist societies like Filipinos (especially yung mga elederlies) dictate na you should love your in-laws the way you love your parents, at hindi lang isang tao ang pinakasalan mo kundi pati yung pamilya at angkan nya. At least that's what I'm hearing.

If you will take what society believes, eh baka nga you will fall short of the standards and you will analyze, bakit nga ba ako ganito, bakit nga hindi ako ganun. So I suggest follow your personal standards na lang. Be polite, respectful of them and their family traditions just like what you're doing. Tulad nang nasabi na, mahirap nga naman ipilit kung walang feelings of love like warmth, endearment, and affection kung wala talaga doon. You tried to cultivate those feelings, pero wala talaga.

Meron bang magja-judge sayo kung walang love?

Yung "guilty" word, saan nanggagaling yun?

Nakarelate ako dito, nag I love you sa FB message yung gay BIL at MIL ko. Yung BIL ko sabi ko lang "mwah!" tapos hindi na sya ulit nag-message saken, so ewan ko if it's because of that. So yung MIL ko, sinabi ko na lang I love you too, itatype ko lang naman sa keyboard eh... hehe...

Do we need to love our in-laws

Personal standards ko, hindi. Yung BIL at [textspeak!] ko, pwede pa ako magkaroon ng warm feelings and endearment, pero sa MIL ko, parang malabo. Basta respectful lang ako, attend sa family gatherings (kahit nga minsan ayaw ko), and in time mag-aalaga sa pagtanda nila. Kung magkaroon ng feelings of love, go lang... kung wala, wala talaga.

Mabait naman MIL ko generally, pero hindi sya yung tipong magiging close friend ko kahit di ko sya MIL. Kaya lang kami pinagtagpo ng tadhana at patuloy na pagsasamahin ng tadhana ay dahil sa husband at daughter ko.

Oo yun na nga.. Na magulang mo din sila at dapat mahalin mo din sila dahil yan ay desisyon mo nung pinakasalan anak nila..
Siguro napapaisip lang ako kasi sinubukan ko sila mahalin pero wala.. At kung dapat ba eh ituloy ko lang ng ituloy na subukan

Wala naman magjudge at hindi naman din hinihingi ni mister.
Yung guilt siguro kasi kita yung pagmamahal ko sa magulang ko tapos sa in laws ko waley.

Hehe oo madali lang naman nga itype ang "I love you too" ;D Di lang ako sanay na hindi siya totoo para sa akin.

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #12 on: April 04, 2018, 02:18:28 pm »
Getting married next year and I don't think it will get to the point na mamahalin ko ang in laws ko.

Kakaiba ang values nila, at hindi ko maiwasan i-compare sila sa parents ko na sobrang loving at generous.

Nakakainggit lang minsan 'yung mga sobrang babait ang in-laws.

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #13 on: April 04, 2018, 10:51:49 pm »
I guess, it's a blessing na rin to be getting along with your in-laws. I get along very well with my ex's family even though we are now divorcing. I still get invited to their family gathering. My son sleeps over at my bro-in-law. He camps with them in the summer. My bro-in-law changes my tires every winter and summer and I get to store them in their garage. Parang family ko na rin talaga. My ex sometimes say ako pa daw yung kinakampihan...lol! Ah well, alam kasi ng family nya na matino ako. Yun lang yon!
"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" ---Matthew 6:34

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #14 on: April 05, 2018, 10:51:31 am »
Me too, hindi ko sila magawang mahalin. Pero yung respect hindi naman mawawala.
Inuunawa ko din kahit 100% financially dependent sila sa amin. Pero minsan di ko maiwasan mag maldita... Yung pagod ka galling sa office at sinuong mo yung traffic pauwi, tapos nakita mo yung inlaws mo at bayaw mo, nakahilata sa sofa.

Iniisip ko na lang na hindi naman aabot sa 200 yrs old yung inlaws ko.  ;D

Super relate! Though ok kami ng in laws ko, my respect for them is there kahit minsan hindi worth it specially sa father-in-law and brother-in-law ko..pero love? i don't think i can consider it love ;D

Been wanting to move out sa house ng in laws ko pero ayaw pa ni hubby, reason is my mother-in-law which i totally understand dahil kawawa sya pag wala kami ni hubby.  Oh well, konting tiis pa. We both work and our income are enough for both of us and our growing family but i don't care about their house if sino magmamana be it my hubby or brother-in-law or hati. Basta sabi ko sa hubby ko, as soon as we have enough reason to move out, we will kasi ayokong habang buhay magpakain or bumuhay sa taong mas malakas pa smen pero soooobrang tamad. As in pwede pa syang maghanap ng work pero ayaw nya. Mas malaki room nya kesa smen na nagbabayad ng bills sa bahay and the list goes on..hays!

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #15 on: April 05, 2018, 12:18:39 pm »
Kakaiba ang values nila, at hindi ko maiwasan i-compare sila sa parents ko na sobrang loving at generous.

Nakakainggit lang minsan 'yung mga sobrang babait ang in-laws.

I feel you. Nakakainggit nga talaga pag nakakarinig ako ng mga kwentong parang "kapamilya" talaga sila kung ituring ng in-laws nila. Bubukod naman ata kayo sis?

Sis shinies, halos same reaction ng in-laws mo at in-laws ko nung sinabi ni hubby na magpapakasal na kami. Hindi sila masaya, daming sinabi lalo na nung ate nya na manager pero mali mali naman mag english. :P Even si father-in-law, feeling ko sinulsulan lang ng mga ate nya kasi ang gusto ata nya hindi mag asawa si hubby. Naka-asa din kasi sila kay hubby noon. Sa kanila kami dati nakatira, nakatiis ako ng 3 yrs doon pero dahil sa stress kaya feeling ko hindi kami nag conceive. Hindi ko na pahahabaan ang kwento pero nabuko ko si MIL na sinisiraan ako sa kamag anak nila, I heard them na nag uusap. Nag iiyak ako that morning, sama ng loob ko kasi I felt powerless. Alam ko naman na ganon sila, pati mga SIL ko pero iba pala pag narinig mo mismo. So kinausap ko ang mga SIL ko, ayaw ni MIL humarap kasi guilty sya at sinabi ko bubukod na kami. Sabi ng SIL ko sa akin noon na kaaalis lang namin sa kanila, madalas umiyak si MIL. Pero ano magagawa ko, baka naman mauna pa ko matigok sa kanya pag hindi pa ako umalis, unfair naman sa magulang ko 'yon. Mag 4 yrs na kaming nakabukod, daming magandang nangyari since then, hindi ko na iisa-isahin din pero the best is yung nagka baby na kami. Less stress na kasi kaya nabuo ang baby. Ngayon, civil naman kami ng in-laws ko, though hindi nawawala kasi yung pagka inggitera nila at taklesa, dedma nalang ako or minsan babanat din ako ng pang bara sa kanila para manahimik. Like one time dumalaw sila sa amin, they have this habit of asking us kung saan kami pupunta or nagpunta so I told SIL1 na galing kaming pedia. Aba ang sagot bakit hindi raw dun sa pedia nila dinala anak ko. Sinagot ko nga "Ay hindi teh, kasi may health card si baby eh" tapos sumagot yung SIL2 na "oo nga bakit ka ba nakikialam" kaya natahimik si SIL1 haha. Minsan kasi pag alam na hindi ka papalag, kakaya-kayanin ka. Ok din yung sagot sagutin ko sila minsan, masarap sa pakiramdam haha.

Pag iniinis ka ng in-laws mo, inisin mo rin. Ang in-laws ko ayaw ng mas angat ako sa kanila. Bagong damit, sapatos, relo, gadgets even hairstyle ko pinupuna nila yan pati gamit ng baby ko from bottles, toys ultimo diaper at pinapanood sa youtube. Pupunahin pero gagayahin. I make sure na pag aalis kami kasama sila saka ko isusuot or dadalhin new stuff ko or ni baby, not to show off (not my thing really) but para inisin sila.. sarap eh! ;D
« Last Edit: April 05, 2018, 12:23:18 pm by crzysxycl »

Veevee

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #16 on: April 05, 2018, 03:02:50 pm »
Yes, I agree with most of the comments here. You don't really have to love them, you just have to respect them, or at least be civil.

In my case though, I avoid them - as much as I can.

I was once super close with my husband's mom when we were still bf/gf. My mom, whom I love dearly, works abroad so it really felt good at that time to have a second mom that you can talk to, although she usually talks to me about her youngest daughter. Medyo matigas kase ulo nung bunso. One time, we were having dinner at a restaurant when the mom and daughter started arguing. Of course, I never get myself involve whenever instances like that happens. The daughter immediately left us all after dinner and I tried consoling her as she was almost teary-eyed.

My exact words were: "Hayaan nyo na po."
And out of nowhere, the mom said to me: "Hindi! Hindi! Ganyan ka kase wala nanay mo dito!"

Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. It's as if there's something wrong with me! Hello?! Kayo po ang may problema ng anak nyo so ano pong kinalaman ko pati ng nanay ko sa problema nyo?

From then on, I started to distance myself from them particularly the mom. I was deeply hurt because even if we were only bf/gf back then, I was doing my best to win their love and approval. I try to make myself always available for them. But after that incident, I hardly go to their house, I no longer go out with them or join them for out of town trips. I knew, it was tough on my bf but my pride couldn't take it. The mom learned about the reason why I was aloof to her, and that started our cold war. The bf has long moved out of their house so avoiding her doesn't seem like a problem at all.

Now that we are married, and I now live abroad, the distance and the time zone is a good excuse. We're not friends on any social media so if I ever have to greet her on her birthday, Mother's day, etc. I send my greetings through my husband. Although we are in speaking terms now, I just don't like having long conversations with her anymore. She once told my mom that she wants us to be close again - but I really think we're good this way. The less interaction we have, the less problem.

simang

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #17 on: April 05, 2018, 05:40:17 pm »
Quote
I guess, it's a blessing na rin to be getting along with your in-laws.

This I realized after reading so many stories about in laws here sa GT. Sobrang laking blessing pala talaga, makes life less complicated.

I appreciate also that our family dynamics is almost identical to my husband's. For the most part, we grew up with the same values. Kaya hindi rin ako hirap even sa SILs and BIL ko. Syempre iba pa rin yung relationship ko with my parents and siblings pero yung core values talaga ng family namin halos same na same. Minsan pa nga feeling ko nagpapagalingan kami ng husband ko, yung tipong "wala ka sa nanay ko" level haha. Kasi feeling namin both, lumaki kami sa ideal na pamilya.

Quote
And out of nowhere, the mom said to me: "Hindi! Hindi! Ganyan ka kase wala nanay mo dito!"

Naloka ako dito sis. Kahit ako sabihan ng ganito maooffend rin ako.
...all adventurous women do.

Shadow Angel

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #18 on: April 05, 2018, 08:15:25 pm »
@cryzsxycl hindi ko maimagine may patalbugan issue with SIL. Wala ako SIL, BIL lang. Kung ex ko nakatuluyan ko for sure stress ang aabutin ko sa mga in-laws ko. Lalo asa silang lahat kay ex dati. Stress din aabutin ko kung palagi ako makikipag inisan sa kanila.

Veevee

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Re: Do we need to love our in laws?
« Reply #19 on: April 06, 2018, 07:19:23 am »
Naloka ako dito sis. Kahit ako sabihan ng ganito maooffend rin ako.

Yun exactly ang nafeel ko sis. My husband was my first bf. So they were the only family I was ever introduced to as a gf. I love my bf so much, I was really putting extra effort on trying to be real close to his family because I know that would make him happy. Kaso when I was told na "Ganyan ka kase wala nanay mo", ang pakiramdam ko, after all these years (5 years) ng pakikisama ko sayo, eto pa ang sasabihin mo sa akin, na parang may mali akong pinakita sayo, na may kulang sa akin, na may mali sa pagpapapalaki sakin. 

So when the youngest (only) daughter got pregnant by her bf who eventually left her, I knew it was a slap on her face. Mind you, I've nothing against single moms. Ayaw ko lang how I was judged based on my mom's absence. Physically absent lang siya, but we're extremely close and I love her to bits. Kaya swerte yung husband ko, wala siya problem sa mother ko.

 


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