I feel like giving up, hindi ko masabi sa asawa ko...

[kikaygimikera]

Dear sisters/wives,

I have been married for almost 1 year and a half to my second husband (annulled here). My husband has a daughter na hindi na niya nakikita for almost a year now after malaman ng ex niya na he got married. My husband and I are living in the condo with my son. My husband is very masipag, mabait, at times moody (ganon na talaga siya when I first met him), a loving and a caring husband.

On our first year of marriage, nakatira kami sa parents niya. I did not work for a year and I merely took care of him and my son. Sa second year namin, we moved out and ayun nga, we are now living in the condo, which I bought when I was still single.

Just recently, sobrang bothered ako and I am still trying to figure out why. A month ago, I had to undergo a surgery and that gave me weeks to recover. Nung okay na ako to go back to work, I felt like not going to work anymore. I told myself and my husband several times these lines before na "sana pwedeng alagaan ko na lang kayo dito sa bahay..." pero these lines were just because nakakatamad magwork pag Mondays, etc.

Ngayon, after that surgery, mas vocal na ako and talagang ayoko na talaga. I don't know what hit me pero nung times na naiiyak ako, eto yung nasabi ko sa husband ko:

1. Kasi nung times na nasa hospital ako, I felt na ang ganda pala ng health card namin sa office. Covered lahat ng expenses sa operation ko and we have a maternity benefit na I can choose any best hospitals available. Pero ayaw naman ni hubby na magkaanak kami kasi he said, he would not like to undergo thru the process of raising a baby again (he has gone thru a lot with his ex and his daughter kasi) and to be very honest, we cannot afford to raise one. Ang sabi nya may anak naman na daw siya sa akin and that's my son.

When I told him na maybe that's whats bothering me, sabi niya sa akin its my problem I cannot accept the fact na he does not want to have kids with me and sinabi naman na niya yun from the start bago pa daw kami ikasal.

Siguro ako lang yung hopeful pa din pero sinabi ko tinatangap ko naman na ayaw na niyang magkaanak. Tapos ni-cucut off niya ako and he said "No, hindi mo pa din matanggap kaya ka nagkakaganyan."

So we concluded kaya I feel like not going to work, not waking up every morning is because of that reason. Pero hindi, meron pa:

2. Sobrang nafeel bad ako as to how he handled me that time when I was crying, felt so helpless, feeling ko anxiety attack yung nangyari. Maybe he is too honest pero he did it in such a way na parang walang comfort or kumbaga sa ginagawa ng boss ko, positive scripting. Hindi ko gustong magsinungaling siya pero sana yung tipong comforting, kahit konting lie na "maybe someday --- pagkaya na natin magkaron ng isa pang anak"... Wala talaga.

3. Dahil siguro dito napapansin ko na yung mga bagay na matagal ko nang napansin and yet dinedeadma kasi lagi kong sinasabi before na he's much better kasi he is loyal and honest unlike my ex husband. Pero, paguwi niya, computer/laptop agad. Yung laptop na "gift" daw niya sa akin nung birthday ko, pag nakikita nyang gamit ko paguwi niya he's pissed off. I know I can tell sa gesture at sa itsura niya.

Sa pagdedecide, ako palagi. Nung hindi ako makapagsalita, kahit magtanong how much yung item sa mall, ako pa dapat. Gusto kong magalit sa kanya na "hindi mo ba nakikita na hirap ako magsalita and yet ako pa din magtatanong?" Tapos sobrang irita na ako sa kanya kasi ginawa niya yun sa akin nung nag out of the country kami. Naiinis na ako sa kanya. Sinabi ko sa kanya bakit ba palaging ako ang nagtatanong. Takot ka ba magtanong kung saan ang tamang way/or exit?

Dati hindi ako nagsasalita pag napaka unreasonable ng galit niya sa son ko. Ngayon napapansin ko na and hindi na ako natatakot mag fight back. Tulad ng scenario na galing kami sa PTA meeting and nalaman namin na mababa grades ng son ko. Paguwi namin, my husband asked my 9 year old son how much is the trike fare from the school to the gate ng village. My son said "I dont know." tapos my husband snapped "pati yon hindi mo alam, ano ka ba naman. Alamin mo!" when I told him, wag ganon he simply told us "wala akong pakelam sa inyo. hindi na ako mangengealam."

That would leave me very hurt. I need and want my husband to be more decisive, a leader, and take charge. Kahit na ayaw niyang magkaanak sa akin. I told him pwede bang huwag muna akong magwork and he would jokingly/sarcastically reply to me "ako din kaya huwag na akong magwork?"

I am just so tired of all of it. Minsan naiisip ko ako talaga yata ang may problema. Ayoko na ngang magising minsan. Hindi ko alam if depression ba ito or arte ko lang. I am tired of initiating, deciding, paying for all the bills every month. Parang nawala ng saysay or nawalan ako ng goal. Hindi ko alam kung dahil ito sa hindi na kami magkakaanak or baka dahil lang sa husband ko or talagang tinatamad lang talaga ako.

I love my husband. Minsan nga iniisip ko I am to blame kasi masyado ko siyang na-spoil nung first year of marriage namin. Gustong gusto ko paguwi niya pinagluluto ko siya, minamassage ko siya, inaalagaan ko siya. I long for him to be more in charge-need his strong, masculine self to make me feel more feminine. It is nice that sometimes he wants to please me by asking me if I want to go out on dates and make sure I’m happy but I’m concerned how this passivity will affect the long term health of our marriage. The last thing I want to do is hurt my husband or make him feel like he’s “doing something wrong”.

Right now, I am at home. Sobrang nafefeel bad kasi ang tagal ko nang hindi pumapasok sa office. I am taking medicine na pang pawala ng chest pains ko kaso nga lang naiisip ko this is not something physical but emotional for me.

[FayeP]

sis, una muna, wag mo isipin na ayaw mo na magising minsan, remember may anak ka, mahirap mawalan ng magulang esp. ng nanay...pano na un anak mo kun di ka magigising...

pause ka muna...natry mo ba cya kausapin ng maayos na maayos un di kayo magtataas ng boses? na nasabi mo ba sa kanya na ayaw mo na magwork? na di mo kaya for health reasons? di un parang out of the blue na nasabi mo lang sa kanya kasi baka akala nya di ka seryoso...


pero pag di ka ba nagwork, kaya nyo ba financially?

[Darshan]

In my opinion, feeling ko kaya naiisip or nararamdaman mo mostly yung iba mong binaggit si because and dami mong idle time..so I guess, much better for you to just go back to work kesa nagkakaganyan ka sa bahay..

what do you mean you pay all the bills etc? is that coming from your own money or your husbands? kung sa husband mo galing ang pera na pinapangbayad mo, abah, bakit ka pa nagrereklamo na ikaw nagbabayad? eh siya na nga bumubuhay sa inyong mag-ina, magbabayad ka nalang nga ng bills, iaasa mo pa sa kanya?  eh part yun sa duties ng housewife eh. unless its your own money, then bakit hindi kayo hati sa bills? is he paying for something else or ikaw talaga taga toka dun sa bills?

tingin ko lang sis, kaya ka nagkakadepression is hindi mo ma-maximize or nagagamit na yung potential mo, yung talents and skills mo sa corporate world. Baka kaya rin sarcastic remark yung sinabi ng asawa mo is dahil baka nahihirapan na siya kasi siya lang nageearn (kung siya nga lang ba talaga)

if I were in your shoes, oo masarap maging SAHM, pero ayaw ko iasa sa 2nd husband ko ang gastusin naming mag-ina, kasi anak ko yun sa first marriage ko eh, kahit papano mahihiya ako sa kanya..kahit na ba siya ang nag-alok na bumuhay samin. I think it will be better for me to work nalang, in that way, mababawasan ang idle time to succumb to those thoughts na nakakadepress kasi focused ka sa work mo, then pag-uwi mo alaga sa anak at asawa..at ang maganda pa dun is you have your own money..and mas maluwag na kayo sa gastusin

maybe just accept that your husband doesn't want to have kids anymore. sis, bakit mo pipilitin ang ayaw? eh gusto mo ba mabuntis ka out of pilit on his part tapos maging resentful naman siya sayo at sa anak ninyo after some time? baka one day eh mabwisit na talaga siya dahil sa pinilit mo lang siya tapos iwanan ka niya..then you will have to raise 2 kids on your own. do you want that? it's not impossible to happen...so please sis stop demanding or making him pakunsensya na gusto mo magkaanak kayo pero siya ayaw. Respect his decision.Just focus on being the best mom to your kid, be the best wife, get a job and just come what may..malay mo in the long run pag makita na niya na capable na kayo magkaroon ng baby, eh gustuhun narin niya.

[kikaygimikera]

Sis @FayeP, ang selfish nga eh pero sa totoo yon ang naiisip ko na gusto ko lang matulog ng matulog ng matulog. Kinausap ko na siya. We cannot afford to. Ako yung mas mataas ang sweldo. I pay all the bills. Sa kanya ang toka niya, eh yung credit card bills niya (binili ng laptop) na hindi niya binayaran because he gambled the money as well as the Meralco bills. Sa akin nakatoka yung, monthly bill ng condo, condo amortization, helper, school tuition fee, groceries, etc. In short, hindi namin kaya.

Sis @Darshan, thanks for this: "Respect his decision.Just focus on being the best mom to your kid, be the best wife." Ako po ang breadwinner. Napagod na siguro ako and lack of motivation. Sa akin siya nakaasa. Nung kinasal kami hindi naman niya sinabing he will shoulder me and my son. Ako pa nga nagsabi na I will try not to be a burden to you. Kasi babyng-baby ko siya. Tama naman. Ayokong pilitin kung ayaw niya. Kaya tinatanggap ko naman na we will no longer have kids. Kaya ako siguro nagkakaganito.

[PinKisH_23]

Sis you're going through depression, I suggest to pray for guidance and give yourself some time to relax, wag ka muna mag isip masyado, focus yourself in taking care of your son while nakarest ka. When you're medyo ok na, balik ka sa work, promise mawawala yan. Basta think positive always. Will pray for you as well. Pag feeling mo balik ka sa 100% mo saka mo kausapin si husband mo. Feeling ko di lang nya naiintindihan pinag dadaaanan mo and it won't help kung lagi kayo mag aaway over things na napag usapan na.

Also, medyo windang ako sa nasabi mong na gamble nya pera pambayad ng laptop ah. Isa yan sa mga dapat nyong pag usapan, maliit na nga sweldo nya napupunta pa sa sugal, di magandang start yan.

Pero yun nga pray and keep yourself relaxed till maging back to normal ka.

[FayeP]

sis tama, magpray ka muna...pray and deep breath lagi...as a wife na breadwinner (walang work si hubby) naiintindihan kita na nasa iyo ang bigat...pero un nga bakit pa nakuha magsugal ng asawa mo susme! pag usapan nyo un paghandle ng finances...dapat hati kayo, pero since nagwowork ka din, un gastos ng anak mo fair lang na sa yo un galing...un mga bills lang kuryente tubig cable, saka un monthly amort ng condo..

then un sa pagkakaroon ng anak...di ba bago palang naman kamo kayo ikasal napag usapan nyo na un...magkakaroon naman kun talagang meron di ba...ang gawin mo muna iready mo muna sarili mo...be emotionally balanced muna, wag mo na iisipin un ayaw mo na magising ha? i-promise mo samin...

[chelgeneroso]

he gambled the money as well as the Meralco bills. Sa akin nakatoka yung, monthly bill ng condo, condo amortization, helper, school tuition fee, groceries, etc. In short, hindi namin kaya.

Ako po ang breadwinner.  Ako pa nga nagsabi na I will try not to be a burden to you. Kasi babyng-baby ko siya.

Wow! super duper in-love ka sa kanya nung kinasal kayo. So in-love you've been blinded by it . . . Kung ganito ugali nya, mas tama lang na huwag na kayo magka-baby. Tsaka baka isumbat nya pa sayo yung bata. Focus ka nalang sa son mo.

Kapag nasa ganyang sitwasyon ako. Magulo isip . . . effective sa akin ang ang set-up na 2 days away from my husband para lang makapag isip ng maayos at makapag-unwind, nakarating ako ng Baguio Bago ako umalis, magiiwan ako ng sulat sa kanya, saying everything. Kasi kapag verbal ang explanation, kina-cut nya ako at may tendency na magtaas ng boses. Kapag sulat, its either basahin nya o itapon nya. Ang sa akin, nasabi ko ang side ko. sa 2 days away from each other, makakapag isip sya sa mga isinulat ko.

I pray for God's guidance and intervention. Ayoko mag-assume na sya lang ang mali at ako ang nasa tama. kaya i asked God to bless me and my husband with understanding and clearer mind.

[kikaygimikera]

Thank you @PinKisH_23. I will try to be okay on Monday. Sa monday I will be back to work na eh. Sana kayanin ko.

Yes may gambling problem na yata si hubby. Nagulat na lang ako one time yung SOA niya eh di pa bayad two months na. I asked him why. Naglaro daw kasi siya. Hindi na ako nagalit. I felt bad kasi nag lie siya. Nangyari kasi one time, nagtext siya sa akin na nawala daw sweldo niya. Nanakaw sa jeep. nilagay niya sa back pocket ng jeans niya. He was crying sa phone. I told him I am on my way home, pera lang yan at gagawan namin ng paraan.

Until now sabi niya, totoo daw yun. Pero inadmit niya na naggamble siya pero ibang sweldo pa daw yun. Hindi na niya nikwento daw saken kasi alam niyang magagalit ako kasi naubos. Ewan ko ba sis.

@FayeP thanks sis. I promise. I think na getover ko na yung phase na ayaw ko nang magising. Usually at this time of day (like yesterday) tulog pa ako ng ganitong oras. 1pm na ako usually nagigising.

Sis @chelgeneroso, yes sobrang love ko siya. Kahit minsan nakakapagod, ang hirap pero willing ako i undergo lahat kasama ko naman siya eh. Ayun lang ngayon ang hirap bumangon kasi. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Baka nga depression ito. Yes naisip ko na nga yung bakit pa ako magkakaanak sa kanya eh ganon naman na siya.

Gusto ko magpakalayo pero I cannot afford to. Baka lalo lang ako mainis sa sarili ko kasi gumagastos ako eh hindi naman necessary/ need. I will try to write a letter to him today. Ayoko lang talaga ma feel bad siya. Sobrang love ko siya sis. Pag na fefeel bad siya, mas lalo akong nafefeel bad.

Sobrang pray ako for clarity din and understanding sa mga nangyayari sa akin ngayon.

[hedonista]

Sis take it as a blessing in disguise that for "now" eh ayaw pa nya magkababy. It doesn't mean there is no chance in the future maging maayos ang sitwasyon and things will turn around. I am not saying it will asap pero anything is possible. Take your time. Love yourself.

It is good that you will write to him. Also, start a journal na all about you and your feelings your dreams etc.Another suggestion, when I was depressed I went to Tagayta. Retreat. Pray. Write. Release negative emotions and energy. Reset myself. De-clutter your mind, kasi as of now ang dami mong iniisip. Music also helps. Read positive affirmations online.

The only way is through. You will come out stronger. Remember you still have a kid to be strong for.

On Monday I pray you will be okay. Being idle makes you think kung ano ano and fuel the emotion you have now. Thoughts and feelings are powerful forces.

I'll pray for you sis. We are here. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope this helps.

[kikaygimikera]

@hedonista thank you. Yes please do pray for me esp sa Monday. Pagnasimulan ko ito kakayanin ko na ulit. Gusto ko siya kausapin ng maayos ng walang sigawan. Yung good mood lahat.

[glamorosa_09]

@kikaygimikera

My post will not be helpful. Pero my impression is, parang dalawa ang anak mo, yung isang son mo and yung husband mo. Also super sensitive mo sa feelings nya, you mentioned twice that you don't want him feeling bad. When I read your posts, parang baby na baby mo talaga sya. But at least you showed naman that you're willing to resolve conflicts provided that you're both in good atmosphere. Mahirap kasi kapag sinasarili mo lang yung mga concerns mo about him and about your relationship, magkaka-patung-patong. You'll just wake up one day, hindi mo na alam kung ano nang nangyayari sayo.

It seems like you're happy naman in acting like the 'nurturing parent' in your family. You're willing to undergo anything basta't kasama mo sya. Although ang tanong dyan, hanggang saan kaya iyon... baka nga mamaya yung naeexperience mo ngayon eh manifestation na ng pagsasarili mo ng lahat ng mga pinagdadaanan niyo.

[langley]

^agree with ms. glamorosa_09.

The way I see it ms. kikaygimikera has a lot of issues in her past (maybe in her past marriage) na nadala niya hanggang ngayon sa second marriage niya. And her husband too madaming issues sa buhay na nadala din sa marriage niya ngayon.

I suggest ms. kikaygimikera you go to a Christian church. Do you have a Bible? Then read it. Only the power of Jesus Christ can free you and your husband from the bondages of sin that is a plenty in your life.

Try God's way sis. Magulo din ang buhay ko dati pero binago ako ng Diyos at patuloy na binabago.

Sabi nga sa favorite song ko na "He Touched Me"

Shackled by a heavy burden,
'Neath a load of guilt and shame.
Then the hand of Jesus touched me,
And now I am no longer the same.

He touched me
And oh the joy that floods my soul
Something happens and now I know
He touched me and made me whole

[kikaygimikera]

Sis @glamorosa_09, tama ka naman sa mga sinabi mo. The truth is nakatulong siya. In denial kasi ako and palagi kong nacocompare yung ex husband ko sa husband ko now. My husband is much better than my ex kasi may husband is very honest and loyal pero parang magkapareho sila. May trabaho silang pareho pero alam mo yun? Parang pakiramdam mo sayo pa din ang lahat? Pag nagka problema, ikaw pa din ang sosolusyon ng lahat?

Sis @langley yes, yun naman ang gusto ko sa husband ko. He was the one who brought me to his church and Christian na din ako ngayon. Masyadong magulo ang life ko dati and umayos siya thanks to him and to Jesus Christ. Ayun lang parang nagpatong patong like sinabi ni sis @glamorosa_09. I can only do so much.

Yes sobrang love na love ko siya. If pwede ngang alagaan ko na lang sila ng anak ko gagawin ko mga sis pero napagod na din ako siguro. As in andami kong naiisip pero one thing is for sure, ayan na naman chest pains ko. Kasi madami na naman akong naiisip.

[khaleesiCersei]

You're showing signs of depression sis, i suggest first, u seek professional help.. Baka you need medication or therapy. Then after nun, deal with your husband na. Focus on getting better muna sis..

[glamorosa_09]

@kikaygimikera

oo nga eh, love na love mo sya, feel na feel ko sis, umaabot dito...

may point din yung sinasabi nila, about you might having depression... since you want to sleep everyday, parang ayaw mo nang magising, ilang araw ka na ring hindi pumapasok sa work mo, always feeling down...

you might want to take this self-test http://www.nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/depression.aspx. Self-test lang yan ha, I don't know what they use clinically. You can find more of that in the net. Like what khaleesiCersei suggested, you might want to seek professional help...

[langley]

Sis @langley yes, yun naman ang gusto ko sa husband ko. He was the one who brought me to his church and Christian na din ako ngayon. Masyadong magulo ang life ko dati and umayos siya thanks to him and to Jesus Christ. Ayun lang parang nagpatong patong like sinabi ni sis @glamorosa_09. I can only do so much.

So you and your husband are Christians sis.
I believe you and your husband need to repent and go back to Jesus Christ.
Pag malayo ka sa Panginoon mas aatakihin ka ni Satan, the enemy.
Di ba as Christians we believe that:

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.
Ephesians 6:12

You are depressed because the enemy wants you, your husband and your marriage down.
Sis you really need to go back to God.

And sis you are Christians so you need to obey Christ's commands.
Your husband should be the provider of your family not you. As wives we are to help our husbands but not to the point that we emasculate and infantilize them.

Alam naman natin that disobedience to Christ commands bring sorrow like what you are experiencing now.
Sister you need to repent, pray to God, read your Bible.
Do not lose hope okay. God can restore you.

Lord I pray now for ms. kikaygimikera. I may not know her personally but you know her Lord. You know what she's going through. You know her pain and her confusion. Lord you love this woman and you have good plans for her life, her family and her marriage. Lord open her eyes to the truth. Let her be sensitive to your Word and the prodding of the Holy Spirit in her life. Heal her Lord from physical and emotional pain that she is experiencing right now. Help her to break free from the bondage of sin. Lord touch her husband's heart also. Move into this couple's life Lord.
In Jesus Mighty name,
Amen

[Girltalker2]

TS, medyo bothered naman ako sa sinabi mo na kapag mag uusap kayo or magsasalita ka, kinu-cut ka nya or tataas boses nya. Hindi ba kayo puede kumalma at mag usap na parang adults?

Pano ba kayo nagr-resolve ng past conflicts nung mga BF palang kayo or nung bago kayo ikasal.

You said your husband is better than your ex. But it does not mean that your current hubby is good enough for you and your son. You see, natatakot ako baka ang attention mo eh lagi nalang nasa hubby mo, note, mas kelangan ng attention ng anak mo at lumalaki sya.  Tapos in terms of finances, hindi puedeng ikaw lahat. Yes, ikaw ang bata and yourself, pero naman, sana yung "share" nya, kahit papano, mag contribute naman sya, otherwise, ang kapal ng mukha nya.

To be honest, this is one of the reasons why I don't like to marry again. My first marriage ended, and I have a BF now. Everything is still rosy now, pero naisip ko nga what if it does not work out with your BF na naging 2nd hubby?  I do not want to end another marriage, to the detriment of my children.  Sorry nasingit ko lang, kasi this is one of my fears talaga.

In your case, you really have to patch things up with him. Sana magkausap kayo ng maayos. Kasi it seems communication ang problema ninyo.  Tapos yung gusto ninyo magkaanak, secondary na lang iyon. You BOTH should agree, kung ayaw nya, sana matutunan mo naman irespect yun. 

As to stop working, you cannot stop working. You still have to fend for your son.  Hindi mo puede i-asa sa kanya.  I guess subconsciously, baka gusto mo magcontribute lang sya ng share nya, at hindi ikaw lahat.  Na wishing ka na sana pareho lang ang cash out mo monthly even if he is around or not around... meaning, yung incremental expenses nya (tubig kuryente groceries allowances and others) sana sya na umako.

[maiandra]

Sis, re financial matters lang ha, I think you're taking on too much of the load sa bills nyo. Actually, kung credit card bills lang sa kanya, e parang sarili lang nyang luho yung ginagastusan nya. You need to align your budget na meron na man syang part sa mga impt expenditures. Saka sa mag-asawa, your money and his money are actually combined, tulungan nga kumbaga. Why should he get upset if you are using his gift na laptop? Is her resentful na he gave you one?

Pero sis, you shouldnt handle all this while you are going through depression. IF you have not healed from your first marriage, allow yourself to heal first. Don't give up too easily kasi pag broken naman ang isang bagay hindi naman tinatapon agad -- we try to fix it. Find some "me" time and focus not on how to change your husband, but on ways how to react better to your husband.

[FayeP]

sis kikay, how are you today? Hope you're feeling much better...

[kikaygimikera]

Hi mga sisters, (baka po masyadong mahaba)

Thank you sa mga responses niyo ha. I just took the test, the link given for self-test and I scored 25 out of 27. Depression nga ba ito? Minsan kasi before, nung hindi pa ako annulled, na-depress ako and I was helped by our co-girltalker Aquacharly and I met Ms. Rose Yenko. The session helped me pero paguwi ko non and kinuwento ko kay husband (bf ko pa siya non), his response dun is "alam mo naman talaga yung sagot sa mga problema mo eh, hindi mo na kailangan ng ganon." Kahit sa mga marriage counselling, same ang response niya about it. Hindi daw kasi siya naniniwala sa ganon. Even my son, nung pina-psych therapy ko siya kasi he was having a hard time focusing sa studies niya and nag-repeat yung son ko, ang response ng husband ko doon eh pera-pera lang naman daw yun.

Isa-isahin ko mga mga sis yung mga responses niyo sa akin ha:

Sis @FayeP, I'm a bit better. Nakalabas ako ang nagpunta sa UN Day ng son ko. Small school lang kasi yung pinag enrol ko sa son ko. Dumating ang parents ko, nag self-pity ng konti kasi I felt na hindi ako proud sa school na pinag-enrollan ko sa son ko kasi napag aral ako sa exclusive school ng parents ko. I shrugged that feeling off naman agad. Masaya ako kasi nakapag attend ako ng event sa school ng son ko, which usually hindi ako nakakapunta dala ng pagod sa work.

Sis @maiandra, sa pag align ng budget, ayan kanina sinimulan ko na isulat sa papel. Para ma discuss ko sa kanya lahat paano ba namin aayusin yung finances namin na fair naman sa akin. Sa totoo lang, yung pera dati, ang sabi niya iaabot na lang niya sa akin then ako na bahala. Pero in the long run, pa onti ng pa onti na lang yung binibigay niya. Kaya naman nung birthday ko, when he asked me what gift do I want? Sa totoo lang, refrigerator sana na mas malaki kasi napakaliit lang ng refrigerator namin. Pero naisip ko, kaya ko naman mabuhay ng maliit ang refrigerator. So inisip ko pa din siya. Ang gusto niya magkaron ng bagong laptop. Kaya sinabi ko laptop ang gusto ko, para may magamit siya sa bahay.

Sis, sa ngayon naiisip ko - ang mga babae pala parang walang time pala dapat ma depress. Kaya ngayon, habang nag ttype ako iniisip ko kakayanin ko lahat. Mas okay na ako kaysa sa kahapon. I will try to fix this with my husband kahit na feeling ko depressed pa din ako. Hindi kasi pwedeng ma-depress. Lalong lalo na, nakita ko na hindi pa na-approve yung sickleave ko and SSS sickleave ko. Wala tuloy akong sweldo. Heto ang kinahinatnan ng pagka-depress ko.

Sis @Girltalker2, minsan lang magtaas ng boses pag nag uusap kami, usually ang response namin ay sarcastic ang dating. Ang nangyayari kasi pag nag aargue kami sis, we stop it agad. We don't talk. Ayaw namin siguro mag full blown na away? Kaya biglang magsstop na lang ako magsalita at siya rin tapos hindi na magpapansinan kahit na may gusto pa kaming sabihin sa isa't-isa.

The truth is, tama ka nga sa kinakatakot mo. I am guilty na mas focused ako sa husband ko kesa sa son ko. Matagal ko nang napansin ito and I feel so bad about it. That's why until now I am working on it. Pag wala yung husband ko, I make sure na magkasama kami sa bed ng son ko or we go out. Sis, nakuha mo lahat. Sa totoo lang, I hate to admit it but minsan nafefee/naiisipl ko sana hindi na lang ako nag-asawa ulit. Mas okay kasi kami ng son ko nung kami na lang dalawa. Pero nung dumating yung annulment papers, nagpropose na si husband. One month after, kinasal na ulit ako. I don't want to think about it pero I admit, pumasok sa isip ko na ganon nga. Mas lalong lumaki kasi expenses ko.

Sis @langley, thank you. As in, thank you for the prayer. Naiyak ako sobra. Tama ka naman sa mga sinabi mo, sa sinabi niyong lahat. Thank you. Nagprpray ako everyday, nasa tabi ko lang ang bible, we go to Church as one family. Gusto ko ma overcome ko na ito talaga. And I do wish you can pray for me on Monday for the courage to get back to work again.

Sis @glamorosa_09 and khaleesiCersei, yes I feel that I am really depressed. Ang hirap ng ganitong pakiramdam. Ang hirap bumangon ulit. I wish I can seek professional help pero the truth is... wala talaga. P95.00 ang laman ng atm ko, after two months of medicines, expenses, monthly amortization, condo dues, water, electric, tuition, yaya, school service, food. Hindi naman covered ng card namin ang psych doctors.

Right now inaantay ko ang response ng husband ko regarding not getting any from my salary.

But I know God will provide. Kaya ko na ito. Kakayanin ko ito.