I feel like giving up, hindi ko masabi sa asawa ko...

[caterpillar-girl]

TS, just reading your story is making me feel really tired already. You sound like the loneliest woman in the world. I can see you love your husband and your son, and while that's great, parang wala ka nang tinira for yourself. Maybe that's why you're feeling depressed and I won't be surprised if one day, in the near future, you will just have a complete and total nervous breakdown.

If you don't have the resources to treat your depression, try approaching groups who deal with mental health issues, like the Natasha Goulbourn Foundation. Baka they can help you. Prayer is fantastic, but you also need professional help with these things.

[FayeP]

its nice na nakapunta ka ngayon sa event ng anak mo, maybe more time with your son will ease the feeling of depression? kasi ako personally pag pagod or feeling down nakikipaglaro ako sa anak ko maya maya wala na...

or see some of your friends for coffee then maybe you can talk to them about your troubles...girls day/night out works wonders...

[amethyst028]

@TS after reading your story and learning na 2nd marriage mo na 'to i want to say hold on pero nung sinabi mo na may gambling problems yung mister mo i can't say the same anymore. gambling is a serious issue parang drugs and womanizing iyan. salot sa pagsamama and sa family.

i grew up with a dad who is a gambler buti na lang mom ko malakas kumita and masipag sobra so kahit paano we ended up fine. but it took a lot of emotional damage on my mom's part. growing up i vowed to never end up with a gambler. pero talagang ma-joke ang tandhana at may naging bf ako at first hindi naman siya marunong magsugal, kaso something happened and he ended up gambling. sad to say may anak na kame when he became addicted. it's a losing battle to be with someone like that. i didn't want to end up like my mom kaya iniwan ko yung bf ko. i decided to raise my son alone with the help of my family.

until hindi niya i-treat yung addiction niya it will be downhill from here on. expect the worst sis. and from the looks of it mukhang sarado ang utak ng asawa mo. i wish you all the best na sana maayos niyo pero pag lumalala ang gambling problems niya find your exit na. leave habang may natitira ka pang respect sa sarili mo and isipin mo yung son mo. is that the kind of role model you want for your son? and hopefully you learned your lesson na. choose well next time.

[glamorosa_09]

TS, just reading your story is making me feel really tired already. You sound like the loneliest woman in the world. I can see you love your husband and your son, and while that's great, parang wala ka nang tinira for yourself.

True, right?

Anyways, sis kikaygimikera, no one's giving diagnosis naman, it's more of a self-help lang kung baga. If you're not convinced yet with the first test, you may take other free online tests, if you want make it 3 or more. And then if the results say the same, then baka meron nga.

The thing is, if you really have depression it will affect all aspects of your life: your marriage, your relationship with your son, your relationship with yourself, your work, etc. We don't know what triggered your depression. Is it the unresolved emotional issues from your past marriage? Is it your problematic present marriage? Or your depression affected your previous and present marriages? Magiging circular na lang yan, with no beginning and end.

And the more people who will post here, the more problems will be identified, of course very insightful yung mga advices nila. But what I suggest is, take it one step at a time. And the first step will begin with you. Before you fix your relationship problems, fix yourself first. Start with you. You need to be right with you, before you could be right with others.

You're actually helping yourself already, by posting here, by having people to talk to. You may also want to call Light of Jesus Pastoral Care Center at  725-9999 and ask to be connected to Counseling Department (forgot the direct line) Free yan. Also, since you're a spiritual person, try listening to praise and worship songs to lift your spirit. I'll also send you two ebooks, Your Best Life Now by Joel Osteen and Depression Cure with No Drugs (haven't read this though). Both have high reviews sa amazon.

Ngayon kasi, what you're doing, you keep on ruminating, thinking of problems over and over and over again. So yeah distract yourself, ok yan magwowork ka na, will pray for you.

And then when you're earning again, you can meet with a professional na. We don't know, baka you need meds din... aside from that, you also need to work on your unresolved issues from your previous marriage (which could affect your present marriage) apart from your issues in your present marriage. And dami noh... one step at a time. Strengthen yourself muna, with God's help.

[aquacharly]

KIKAYGIMIKERA --  you are a self-reliant woman, focus on that.  If you have any regrets now due to financial realities:  be positive. As in, do something to solve your problems & discontent.  Do not waste time on regrets... Andyan na yan, pano na.

1st Priority:  Go back to work.  Hwag ka na mag fantasy na you will be a great  SAHM.  You cannot afford it, your son needs you to work.

Don't waste time hoping your husband will take care of you & your son. Even before you married him, you knew his earning capacity  is not as great as yours.  Simple arithmetic yan, do not now dream otherwise & scare him with your SAHM fantasy.  It's not within his powers, ika nga.

2nd Priority:  Get help  for his gambling problem. Umpisa pa lang yan, do not let him make it grow beyond control.   There must be persons of authority in the church you belong to  who can help. 
Like drug addiction, a gambling addiction needs competent help.

3rd Priority:  Make him aware that the way he interacts with your son is not fostering peace & love within your family. If he is close-minded to family therapy, your best bet is to join couples groups where the wisdom of others can guide you both.  On your own, you must communicate to him in a positive and non- critical manner on how best to interact with your son. Read books, share what you learn with him.  You say he is a loving man, pwes you must still be able to reach him.

You will spiral down into depression more if you will adapt an attitude of helplessness, and a stance of regret.  You will become hopeless & pity yourself.  Do not do that to yourself. 

If you may think now maling decision you married him -- pwes,  andyan na yan.  Do your best to make your marriage work, BUT always take care of yourself and your son.  Do not ever sacrifice your son and/ or yourself because of  your love for your husband.  Kahit na ano pa sabihin ng iba, it is only you who knows if you are happy, or if your boat is sinking. Pwes, act & don't let him drown you all. 

Pray. Pray hard for Divine Guidance.  Prayers work miracles, but do not hold your breath waiting for one. 
God helps those who help themselves. 

[kikaygimikera]

Hi mga sisters, sumaglit lang ako ngayon pero nabasa ko na ang mga responses niyo. Kanina nagttype na ako dito ibabalita ko sana na bumalik na yung old self ko. Lumabas ako, bumili ng twin popsies at nagluto ng dinner. Nagpost pa ako ng picture ng son ko sa Facebook account ko. And then nakita ko yung article about John Lloyd Cruz eh alam ni husband na sobrang fan ako ni John Lloyd. Sabi niya "Masaya ka today no?" Sabi ko "Talaga?" Sabi niya "Oo kanina pa." Natuwa ako kasi napansin niya masaya ako. So maybe I'm back. And then sabi ko pa sa kanya "hon tignan mo dali!" tapos kinukwento ko yung may anak si John Lloyd daw nung 15 years old siya. Tapos parang ang gesture niya na "ano ba yan?" or "John Lloyd na naman..." tapos nainis ako. Yun na nga eh. Sinabi ko "Ano ba yun sinasabi mo di ako naglalambing, eto magkkwento sayo di ka naman nakikinig. Wag na lang." Tapos siya naman nainis kasi nainis ako sa kanya.

Humiga sa likod ko. Nag cellphone. I began reading here kasi I felt bad. Nagtype ako, nagkwento about my day. Biglang umupo sa tabi ko. Clinose ko yung tab for GT. Tapos sabi niya "Ano na naman yan. Puro ka na lang may tinatago." Tapos ngayon he's out of the house. Di nagpaalam. Umalis.

Ayoko mabasa niya kasi ito. t**** ko lang dito kaagad ako sumaklolo kanina. Sobrang feeling ko kasi naiintindihan niyo ang pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. Ang sakit na naman. 

[maiandra]

Sis, that is good progress. Just one thing, DO NOT let your husband be your security. He is not perfect; he will fail you. Do not base your mood on his mood, how he reacts toward you, how he values you. God can be the only secure thing in life. And there is a saying, you are in charge of your own happiness.

[chelgeneroso]

Ayoko mabasa niya kasi ito. t**** ko lang dito kaagad ako sumaklolo kanina. Sobrang feeling ko kasi naiintindihan niyo ang pinagdadaanan ko ngayon. Ang sakit na naman. 

Sabi nga nila, mas madaling mag-kwento sa mga taong hindi mo kilala, at mas nabibigyan ka ng hindi bias na advice

tanong ko lang, bakit ka nya pinakasalan? bukod sa "Mahal ka nya", ano pa ibang reasons . . . Para kasi sa akin hindi enough reason ang "Love" lang. Importante din sa akin ang Respeto at Pang-Unawa.

[Girltalker2]

TS, we don't have the same story, but upon recollection, na binaon ko na sa limot at ngayon naalala ko ulit, yes, I did went through depression din at one point in my life.  I talked to several psychiatrist or psychologist to be able to help myself. Nabanggit kasi ni sis glamorosa about meds, yes I did have some meds.

I realized what kept me abay was my everyday stuff. Work din. Madalas nga din ako absent noon at nagkakasakit.  Pero nung nakahanap ako ng pagkakaabalahan na gusto ko - going to the gym, playdates for kids, parties, spa, parlor, basta puno ang sched, I find myself going, and going, until sa ok nako. Naghanap din ako ng projects - studied again, designed my house from scratch (wala akong background ng designing/building a house or whatever), so parang kinareer ko.
So find some meaning into your life, get more involved in your son's life. Tama sila, sayo nga dapat ang decision na mag umpisa. Kung nahihirapan ka, fill your scheds first, baka magwork for you.

[Cluelesschx]

hi sis, bilang isang wife and mother ipagprapray kita. I feel for you.

I understand how you feel, I may not fully understand as never naman natin malalaman talaga ang nasasaloob ng bawat isa, pero in a way naiintindihan ko kasi nanggaling ako sa ganyang sitwasyon na napagod.  just to show the similarity, nung bago kami ng hubby ko I also spoiled him so much. I give in to all his wants. Nauna kasi ako pumasa sa kanya so for the first few years of our marriage, ako sumasagot sa lahat. wala siyang work, nag aral pa sa culinary school para lang mabawasan depression niya sa hindi pagpasa. then slowly, pagod crept in. magagalitin ako, mainisin, no sex life, kasi napapagod na ako. hindi ko na nabibili mga gusto ko kasi I was the breadwinner. at napagod ako kasi hindi natutugunan ni hubby language of love ko. palagi ko sinasabi sa friends ko na parang timba na puno ng tubig, na tubig yung love ko sa hubby ko, na nauubos din pala dahil sa pagod, kelangan mapunan uli. at nung narealize ko na I want to give mg marriage a try I talked to my husband and told him I need words of affirmation kasi that's how i feel loved. and when we feel loved, diba kinakaya natin lahat?

pwedeng kaya sarcastic ang husband mo is he feels inadequate kasi mas malaki ka kumita sa kanya. or kaya magagalitin is pwedeng he feels his own inadequacies or own frustrations. kaya I suggest help him with this na maaddress kung ano ba mga gusto nya mangyari sa buhay.  althou a very very red flag sis na nagsusugal siya. the fact na he lies to you  about it signifies na medyo papunta sa paglala ang pagsusugal niya. my siblings are gambling addicts kaya I have an idea sa patutunguhan.

tama mga sisses dito, you need to have a heart to heart talk with your husband. huwag impromptu, mag outline ka. i suggest start with: why did you propose? why did you want to get married if not to have a family?  have you fully accepted me na annulled and already a mother? (follow up with: kasi if you have fully accepted my son, bakit sinigawan mo siya re: pamasahe) bakit ka nagsusugal, is it because you want (possibility of a windfall, na additional money?) etc sis

sis hindi namin kita mga nangyayari sa loob ng bahay ninyo ha baka naman isolated incident yung paninigaw niya sa son mo.

Kung me love naman talaga between you and husband, I suggest the book 365 marriage devotional, it helped me a lot sa pag intindi sa asawa ko.

sis hindi naman bawal madepress, give in from time to time. gumawa ka ng isang bagay na realistic at reasonable (since medyo budget strapped) na will make you a bit happy   i love notebooks kahit mumurahin lang, noon i buy notebooks then i write then nababawasan sadness ko.

Although Christian ka, (parang ang Christian ata hindi naniniwala sa saints sis hindi ko masyado alam ha) punta ka sa mga church na mararamdaman mo solemn sa yo and cry.  maganda sana sa padre pio sa libis.

sis i hope you get through this soon. life is beautiful and we miss out on this pag ganyan nangyayari ;(

let us know how you are, day to day. we will pray for you.

[kikaygimikera]

Hi mga sisters, sorry di na ako nakabalik. I was able to read the new responses from the last time I visited. I will reply tomorrow sa lahat sa inyo ha. As of now, I'll try to be as positive as today.

Mamayang 8pm pa ang pasok ko. Alam ko hindi niyo ako kilala but I do hope please pray for me. Kinakabahan at parang nagpapapalpitate ang heart ko ngayon. Yun ang nafefeel ko today. Hindi ko alam if kabado ba ako or not sa pagbalik sa work.

Ayun, nung weekend, pinagisipan ko lang mabuti. My son is spending time with my parents kasi. I told my husband gusto ko makasama son ko. Sabi nya sige lang daw. Eh gusto ko kasama kaming buong family. Nainis ako kasi ayaw daw niya sumama sa akin. Then pinigil ko yung inis and galit ko. Naglakad muna ako sa sala and bumalik sa room and I told him na gusto ko sana family kami, na kapag tinanong ako ng sister in law ko "San asawa mo? Wala naman siyang pasok diba?" Eh hindi ko sasabihin na "Ayaw sumama eh." Gusto ko sana yung buong family kami magsspend time ng weekend.

Then my husband agreed. Parang umiba ihip ng hangin. Maybe because I asked him in a nice way? Nagplan pa sya kung kelan yung best na uwi namin if madaling araw ba? o dun na ba kami matutulog? Ganon. And I told him I will be very happy if he is awake while I am driving. It makes me happy kasi if pag nagroroadtrip kami dati-rati and nagkkwentuhan kami while I am driving.

Sabi niya "Yun lang ba? O sige." Then Saturday came, gising naman siya the whole one hour of drive to my parents place. He was even mingling with my parents, brother, sis-in-laws and minsan ko lang makita na hawak niya yung phone niya to play (sign of boredom?)

Sunday ganon din niya. We went to the church. Ate at KFC, he gave me 1,000 for the rice, and food for the week. Usually kasi sa akin toka ito. And then I told him there's an upcoming bill for the condo dues. He asked me "how much?" and I told him the amount. He said "Ok."

I felt better after my last entry here. When I went out looking for him, turns out he went biking to go to the nearest ATM, kinuha ang sweldo and deep breath and I asked him "pwedeng pasakay sa bike?" Then naging okay na kami.

Hindi pa kami naguusap as of now. The truth is mahirap pala. Hindi ko alam paano sisimula but ang naisip ko iisa-isahin ko. Hindi ko alam kung paano niya gagawin kasi the whole month naka rely sa kanya ang gastos, plus my baon + fare expenses going to work. I told him I will not be using the car muna kasi mahal ang parking sa BGC. I will try to commute this time.

Gusto ko team work. Gusto ko sabihin na baka kailangan namin magrefresh ng marriage namin kaso nahihiya ako kasi alam kong sasabihin niyang we don't need any counseling. I think we do. Gusto ko sana tignan niya ang history ng laptop makita niya sana yung mga sinasabi ko dito ngayon.

Mga sisters, hard work pala talaga ang marriage. It's a gift from God. I am happy loyal and very honest si husband sa akin. Right now, feeling ko ako lang talaga ang may problema.

Thank you sa mga nagbasa and nag comments. I will re-read it tomorrow. Thank you hindi kayo nagsawa magbasa dito sa mga tinype ko.

Please do pray for me tonight. Especially around 6-9pm. Yan talaga yung oras magdedetermine if mafefeel ko na naman yung "sickness" ko.

[Girltalker2]

Gusto ko team work. Gusto ko sabihin na baka kailangan namin magrefresh ng marriage namin kaso nahihiya ako kasi alam kong sasabihin niyang we don't need any counseling. I think we do. Gusto ko sana tignan niya ang history ng laptop makita niya sana yung mga sinasabi ko dito ngayon.

Sis, wala naman mali sa gusto mo. Pero "imposing" it on him may not be the solution.  Or kung di nya ginawa, you act disappointed na at mag iisip ka na ng maraming negative.

I think it is really a good idea to talk to him. But focus on the positives - that you can have your weekly date or monthly date, annual short vacation lang or staycation.  Parang ganun.  Tapos along your discussions, puede mo sya itanong ano pang mga suggestion nya para manumbalik ang pagtingin nyo sa isa't isa.  Puede mo isingit yung "counseling" or "marriage encounter" or something like that if good mood sya.  Pero kung sasabihin mo agad agad na - DAPAT tayo mag counseling, I am sure he won't be open to that (sa kwento mo sa style nya ha).

So always stay positive and be open din to his suggestions.  Listen well, but do not over analyze.

[kikaygimikera]

Thanks Girltalker2.

Ngayon na lang ako nakabalik dito. Ano ba ang updates? I resigned from work. I asked permission to my husband about it. Okay lang sa kanya. Masaya ako naintindihan niya ako. Pero hindi pa kami fully nagusap. Parang patchi-patchi lang.

Narealize ko, malungkot ako sa mga nangyayari. Frustrated ako.

Sabi ng asawa ko, hindi na ako masaya sa trabaho ko. Totoo naman. So pahinga muna ako. Although hindi niya kaya kaming buhayin, at right now, nammroblema ako sa mga finances (part of me want to escape), pero naisip ko masaya naman ako gino-go thru ko ito kasama siya.

Nagkaproblema lang few days ago. Totoong may gambling problem na ang asawa ko. He cried about it. He said it is not going to happen anymore. Nakita ko kasi sa credit card bill niya na may P8,000+ na naka 3 months installment. Akala ko gadget. Sabi niya ginamit niya pang casino. Natalo. He didn't tell me kasi natatakot siya. Eh kung malaman ko lang, edi sana hindi na ako nag resign? Ewan ko ba. Nagiyakan kami. Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari sa amin.

May nagsabi saken hiwalayan ko na daw ang asawa ko. Ganon na lang ba yun? Naisip ko, diba for better or for worse? In denial pa din ba ako? Bakit ang mommy ko, kinaya niyang magkasama sila ng daddy ko kahit walang ginawa yung mommy ko kundi mag bayad utang siya sa pinagkakautangan ng daddy ko? Parang feeling ko hindi pa sapat yun para hiwalayan ko siya.

Tapos, tinanong ko ang asawa ko if ano ba plans niya for me and my son, sabi niya marami. Bahay, kotse, at magandang kinabukasan. Sabi ko, sa tingin ba niya sa actions niyang pagsusugal, yun ang nakikita kong plans niya for us?

Naguguluhan ako. Mahal ko talaga ang asawa ko. Pero inamin ko sa kanya, (sinabi niya na sabihin ko daw lahat ng nasa isip ko sa kanya) na yung pakiramdam ko ngayon eh parang wala siyang plano para sa amin, na wala kaming future sa kanya, na parang namumuhay siyang binata, mag boyfriend-girlfriend lang kami na lehitimong nag s3s3x.

[Girltalker2]

Eh kung malaman ko lang, edi sana hindi na ako nag resign? Ewan ko ba. Nagiyakan kami. Hindi ko alam kung anong mangyayari sa amin.

Is there a chance pa na bumalik ka sa work?  Parang sobrang biglaan naman yung change of heart mo na gusto mo magresign. Then now, you are wishing sana hindi.  Don't be too impulsive,pag isipan mo mabuti ang bawat galaw mo because pamilyado na kayo, and it is not that easy to be fickle minded.

Sorry sis ha, pero imbis na ma influence mo sana positively ang hubby mo, parang naging negative pa lalo ang naging influence sayo ng asawa mo.  Between the two of you, parang mas matino ka mag isip, so you have to get back to your senses, na hindi purkit pumayag sya (e mukhang wala naman syang foresight), ok na.  Baka lalo kayong magtalo kapag pumasok na ang mga issues ng finances.

May nagsabi saken hiwalayan ko na daw ang asawa ko. Ganon na lang ba yun? Naisip ko, diba for better or for worse? In denial pa din ba ako?

Puede naman na hindi na sya uulit.  Kung firm  ang paniniwala nya na di nanga sya uulit, then give him this chance.  Pero hindi puede na patuloy syang nagkakamali tapos patuloy mong kinukunsinti, kasi sa ginagawa nya, selfish yun, at pati ikaw ang anak nyo damay. Matuto kang mag set ng limit, para sa gayon, maayos ang future ng anak nyo.

Tapos, tinanong ko ang asawa ko if ano ba plans niya for me and my son, sabi niya marami. Bahay, kotse, at magandang kinabukasan. Sabi ko, sa tingin ba niya sa actions niyang pagsusugal, yun ang nakikita kong plans niya for us?

Naguguluhan ako. Mahal ko talaga ang asawa ko. Pero inamin ko sa kanya, (sinabi niya na sabihin ko daw lahat ng nasa isip ko sa kanya) na yung pakiramdam ko ngayon eh parang wala siyang plano para sa amin, na wala kaming future sa kanya, na parang namumuhay siyang binata, mag boyfriend-girlfriend lang kami na lehitimong nag s3s3x.

Ok, iba ang "plans" sa "wish" or drawing ha.  Kung nagsabi sya ng bahay o kotse at magandang kinabukasan, ang tanong ko PAANO? 

Siguro pakiramdam mo wala syang plano kasi wala ka naman nakikitang "cash" from him that can pay for all the promises he made.  Ang nakakatakot lang e baka feeling nya gambling ang solution sa "plans" nya for you and your child.