Wives Who Are the Breadwinners

[India_george]

Siguro nga pangfeed ng self esteem. Wala naman siya binibili pero sabi niya gusto niya lang makabawi saken kaya naisip niya magsugal. Ngayon, may nalaman na naman ako. Yung car namen for repossesion na. Hindi siya nakapay ng 6mos. Ilang beses ko sinabi sa kanya na anything about car sabihin sakin. Kasi gamit namen yun sa negosyo at di sumasakay ng tricycle ang anak ko.special child kasi. Takot sa loud noise.

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, sorry to hear about your situation. what's done is done na eh. Your hubby knew what he was getting into. Tanong ko lang is May habol ba ang mga pinagkakautangan nya sa mga assets nyo?

Hindi purkit may 2 kayong anak di mo sya puede hiwalayan. As it is, it seems he left you with no choice but to leave him. Because if you don't, baka pati mga anak nyo mapahamak. Natanong ko lang regarding assets kasi Baka pati negosyo nyo or house nyo nakasanla na nang di mo namamalayan.

Be strong for your kids. Pray for His guidance. For now, try to know everything about the extent of his debts and see if maremedyohan nyo pa. Problem din kasi gambling is addictive. Some may say they are stopping na, then every now and then magugulat ka nalang na may susulpot na utang or sanla.  Also, read more about gambling addiction. I don't think it is about self esteem. I came across this paragraph...

'Gambling addiction can occur when a person feels that they are in financial ruin and can only solve their problems by gambling what little they have in an attempt to get a large sum of money. Unfortunately, this almost always leads to a cycle in which the gambler feels they must win back their losses, and the cycle goes on until the person is forced to seek rehabilitation to break their habit.'

[aclaneasyon26]

This used to be my situation before. This is one of the reasons why we broke up. Now that the roles have reversed (I'm the one who stays at home now, and he's the breadwinner na), parang mas umokay. I dunno, I guess the two of us work better when we take on gender traditional roles. But not to take anything from breadwinner wives naman.

[India_george]

He said he's been gambling for 2 months.sobrang sakit malaman kasi i trusted him soooo much. Kaya pala minsan anlalaki ng nababawasan sa profit namen. Dami niya alibis.... Hay... Mahirap ang sitwasyon ko ngayon kasi may special child kami.pinipilit ko nalang tanggapin pa siya pero sobrang galit ako sa kanya. Magkakawork na siya and I told him na dapat isurrender niya atm niya sakin.pumayag naman siya. Ewan ko if magbabago pa siya. Sabi ko nga sana last na kasi dati pambabae naman prob ko sa kanya. Haist.

[swim_fatale]

I have a PhD and hubby is an undergrad -- so I am the breadwinner. Not that I am saying na jobs are based solely on educational attainment, pero yes, more oftnje than not, that is the case. We met when I worked part-time sa isang pager company (yes, uso pa noon, LOL) while I was sending myself to law school ( only lasted a year; I couldn't afford it). Eldest ako sa magkakapatid and my parents are very bad at managing their money (dad retiored early and did not do anything to earn money; mom jumped from job to job) so when I got married at age 24 my family was so disappointed -- kasi ako ang breadwinner nila dapat. After getting married, di makahanap si hubby ng matinong job so tengga siya for 5 years na ok lang naman kasi may work ako and wala pa naman kaming kids. Our situation improved when he got a job na after the 5 year hiatus and I was promoted at work. fast forward to 10 years of marriage, we were blessed with a child. After 6 years, wala na kaming makuhang yaya, lahat palpak at di mapagkatiwalaan to leave our daughter alone at home with the whole day -- so my hubby was forced to resign from work. Ngayon, solo earner ako with a mortgaged house, a child na Grade 1 pa lang, health needs, etc. But we are surviving and we are happy kasi walang kunsumi sa yaya. Sana lang after a year or two makaipon kami enough capital for hubby to have a business that he can operate from home.

[NiceWife]

My husband resigned on his work 5 months ago because I got pregnant and hindi ganun kalaki yung salary nya dun so I convinced him to resign para magkakasama na kami sa ii-sang bahay at mas gusto na mabuo yung pamilya namin. But until now wala pa syang work I'm 5 months pregnant in our second child at ako lahat ang gumagastos. Grocery, electricity bills, rent ng house at miski pang sigarilyo nya ako pa din. Okay lang sana kung asikaso yung bahay at bata kaso hindi eh, pag dating ko ang kalat ng bahay, ang daming hugasan at yung anak namin minsan pawis na pawis hindi man lang nya palitan ng damit. Ilang beses ko na din syang sinabihan na mag apply, hindi na siguro masama na mag pahinga sya ng ilang bwan at tulungan naman nya ako. Ako yung nahihiya sa family ko kasi ganoon yung asawa ko, kinausap na din sya ng tita ko about sa pag hahanap ng work kaso ako yung sinisisi nya kasalanan ko daw kasi pinag resign ko sya. Oo nga kasalanan ko na pinag resign ko sya kasi ginusto kong makasama sila ng anak ko, kaso napasama pa pala. Nakikita na nya kong nahihirapan kasi I travelled bulacan to makati everyday, sumasakit na yung tyan ko pero parang wala lang sa kanya. Minsan gusto ko ng sumuko sa kanya kasi parang hindi na nya ko mahal kaso naaawa ako sa anak ko.

One time nasaktan na din nya ko sinipa nya ko and last night hinampas nya ko sa braso, iniisip ko kung deserve ko ba yung mga ginagawa nya kasi ginagawa ko naman lahat eh. Ayokong malungkot at mag isip kasi makakasama sa baby namin pero stress na stress talaga ako ngayon, wala akong mapag sabihan ng problema ko kasi natatakot ako.

Mga sis help me, give me some advice. 

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, Pag nag umpisa na manakit yung asawa mo, it is best na umalis na muna sya dyan sa inyo or iwan mo sya. Hindi healthy para sayo, sa dinadala mo at lalo na sa anak nyo having him around.

As for his job, nag resign na sya eh, Tapos na iyon. Blaming you won't solve the problem. Kahit Sino pa may kasalanan, Ang importante eh maghanap sya ng work. Kung wala syang work, dapat huwag mo din sya bigyan ng pang sigarilyo. Not only wala syang pang gastos, masama din yun sa health nya at ninyong mag-iina.

I think you know what to do, but either way, the future is uncertain. Just lessen the risk nalang and I think mas better if you surround muna yourself with less stressful people like your family kesa sa asawa mo.

[India_george]

Nicewife- grabe naman yang asawa mo. Nanakit pa. Hay naku.

[NiceWife]

Thank you sis Girltalker 2 nag usap kami last night at sinabi ko lahat ng sama ng loob ko at nag sorry sya saken, pero syempre di ganun kadali lang yun di yun matatanggal ng isang sorry lang. Nag sabi na din ako sa parents nya at nagagalit sa kanya dahil sa ginagawa nya saken, sana matauhan na sya dahil iiwanan ko talaga sya kapag ginawa nya yun ulit. Naawa din ako sa anak namin kasi super love nya yung daddy nya, di natutulog ng hindi sya katabi kaya nakukunsensya ako pag iniisip ko palayasin sya. Hay hirap talaga pag may batang involve nahahati yung utak. Next week he will start driving na rin naman sana lang maging okay na ang lahat. Makakatulong na sya saken at makakaipon na din kami sa wakas.

Thank you sis.. very much appreciated. 

[patriciaheart]

^^ Hello sis, ask ko lang if naka bukod kayo ng tirahan or sa family mo ikaw naka tira? May action plan ba sya in regards to work? Minsan kasi may mga tao talagang hinde bagay maging empleyado sa office like me, pero ginawan ko ng paraan by working from home. Agree ako kay sis, minsan mas ok pa nga na bayaran na maid ang kasama mo, mauutusan, kaysa sa ganyan sinasapak kapa. Yung kaibigan ko naman hinde sa pagiging bread winner ang problema pero nag tago sila ng anak nya sa relatives. Better wag mo sabihin sa family mo yung nagyari muna basta sabihin mo need nyo lang muna mag hiwalay kasi ikaw mapaptawad mo sya sila hinde.  If hinde mo pa kaya na makipag hiwalay, I think you should STOP asking him to apply, nobody likes a nag as much as we don't like bums. I gave up asking him to apply since sya lang naman ang makakapag push sa sarile nya, I also stopped asking anything from him period since wala rin ako mapapala,kung may bigay sya edi thank you, dahil may ugali syang, utang na loob ko pa na sinamahan nya ako etc etc. our relationship is less tense that way at mas good mood ako pag nag wwork. It took a long time for me to develop finding a "happy compromise" pero it pays big time.

[NiceWife]

Yes sis naka bukod kami ng bahay, sa isang compound kami nakatira kaya kitang kita lahat ng galaw nya ng family ko. By monday siguro mag start na sya mag work as driver. Tama ka sis iwasan ko na din sya tanungin tungkol sa work at sa kung ano ano pa, bahala na sya tutal wala din naman nangyayare eh, nag aaway lang kami. Hindi ko sinabi sa family ko yung ginagawa nya, pero sa papa nya sinabi ko para aware sila na hindi maganda yung trato saken ng anak nya at para mapag sabihan din sya. Ngayon naman okay sya sis, inaasikaso nya ko at yung anak namin siguro natakot sya na kaya ko talaga syang iwan pag hindi sya nagbago pero di ko pinapakita na okay na saken, hindi ko naman alam kung ngayon lang sya ganyan. Basta natuto na ko ngayon sis, mas kelangan kong mahalin yung anak ko at sarili ko kesa sa kanya. Hehe Like you sis ganon na din yung gagawin ko, kung tutulungan nya ko edi thank you, kung hindi basta wag nya lang akong hihingan. Ganun pala pag nasaktan ka mas lalo kang nagiging matatag. 

[lovemeagain30]

^ Not to blow your bubble sis but a person with an anger management issues doesn't change easily. It's a looooong process and sometimes needs help from professional to correct it. Hindi porket nag sorry ngayon sayo ay hindi na niya uulitin ang pananakit niya. Kahit kay Du30 ka pa magsumbong.  Expect it. He will repeat it. It's just a question of when.

So what's my point? Be careful since ayaw mo siyang iwan.

[Girltalker2]

Naawa din ako sa anak namin kasi super love nya yung daddy nya, di natutulog ng hindi sya katabi kaya nakukunsensya ako pag iniisip ko palayasin sya. Hay hirap talaga pag may batang involve nahahati yung utak.

Kahit na Super love ng Anak mo daddy nya, kung nambubugbog, ok lang iwan. You said kaya mo iwan, and yet may reason ka because of your kid kaya ayaw mo iwan.

Tingin ko di naman nawawala ang asawa mo. Puede naman kayo mag hiwalay at bisitahin parin naman ng tatay nya ang anak mo. How old na ba? It is time din he grows up, di kailangan dependent on anyone para lang matulog.

I don't think hati utak mo because if your kid. It is most likely because di ka pa ready at ayaw mo pa sya iwan kahit na sinasaktan ka nya. Totoo sabi nila once, he is capable of being violent to you (buntis ka pa), definitely he can do it again.

[NiceWife]

Sis Girltalker 2 our daughter is 2 years old, yes naisip ko din yan sis na hindi pa ako ready. hindi kasi ako lumaki sa broken family kaya napapaisip ako kung kaya ko ba yung gawin sa anak ko. Siguro tiis tiis nalang muna ako pag ginawa nya ulit na saktan ako talagang malalaman na ng pamilya ko.

Thank you mga sis sa mga advice nyo. 

[lovemeagain30]

Sis I don't think you're doing your child a favor by staying to a wife beater husband. He's a ticking time bomb. It should be your own will on why you're keeping him. For all the reasons na ikaw lang nakaka alam.

Babae ang anak mo sooner or later she will witness on how her Dad treats or beats you up and sees afterwards on how you will accept her father again. It's either she will take the situation as a part of the 'norm' or she will hate you for staying with him. Either way, it will have an impact on your daughter's life once she builds her own relationship in the future.  I would be more concern of that, if you ask me.

[India_george]

Our biz is doing well but my husband keeps on ruining it. Why? I just got a PM from his prev coworkers. Nagloan pala sya before he resigned kaso he didnt finish payment yet and the comaker ang nadeductan. Naawa ako sa coworker niya at nahihiya also. Kaso tong husband ko iba iba sinasabi kesyo di naman daw siya nagloan ang gulo niya kausap. Liar pa. Gusto pay yung coworker niya kahit sama loob ko. Hay susme talaga. Lahat profit sa kanya na napunta. Nauupos na ako. Wala pa din siya work til now.

[patriciaheart]

^aruy sis dami na pala nya atraso sayo, ineexpect ba nya na ikaw mag bayad nyan? May mga moments ako rin minsan iniisip ko kung single mom ako mas makaaktipid pako ng pera pero wit. Kung ako sayo i block out mo anything to do with him at money woes nya sya ang pag resolbahin mo nyan, magtago ka na ng pera. Pag nalagpasan nya yan, babalik self esteem nya hinde ikaw ang need mag solve nyan sis. Bigyan mo sya budget allowance pero yun lang, noon tinry ko I sulat sa papel mga gastusin namin para pakita sakaya yung mga gastos ko kasi nag fefeeling na sya bread winner, ayun mas nagalit lang sakin hinde rin naman nya tinignan. Tingen mo ba sis misan kasi may mga lalake na ma pride, kahit ikaw magkumahog mag work pero ang front nila sa family nya is kaya nya,, sa family nya nahihiya sya pero saiyo hinde. Pag sa family nya sya humiram ng pera tingen mo mapipilitan sya mag bayad/ hanap paraan or other way around?

[India_george]

Kaya nga eh. Sakit sa ulo super. Diba pati car namen mahihila na dahil winaldas niya pang monthly.

[Girltalker2]

pareho kaming may trabaho ng mister ko, pero pakiramdam ko ako ang breadwinner kasi ako nagbabayad ng lahat tubig, kuryente, yaya, katulong, tuition, school service, kumon, internet. pamalengke at grocery lang sagot ng mister ko. ang nakakasama ng loob, yung suweldo ko, tax niya lang.

nung nagpaayos kami ng bahay last year, nagalit siya sa akin kasi wala daw akong tinulong sa gastos ,siya daw gumastos lahat. sagot ko na nga lahat ng bills, kaya nung pinaayos niya yung bahay namin, hindi na ako tumulong. minasama niya pala yun, mga sis. kaya nung nagpaextend kami ng bahay this year, kailangan ko rin maglabas ng pera. mid-year na pero halos wala akong nasave itong 2016.

hindi naman sa pinagdadamot ko pera ko, pero yung kita niya ginagastos niya sa sarili niya, sa luho niya. 2 nga kami nagtatrabaho, pero ang gastos ko parang single parent ako. 

Sis, try mo magtago as much as u could. Charge also to him as much as you could. This is in preparation in case you need to walk out, you need to maximise your savings and emergency fund.

[eekai]

Last year, hubs had to quit his day job and move to another country with me. There was a job offer I couldn't refuse (amazing pay, free tuition (til she finishes highschool and she is only 5 yo) for my kid, lots of perks). Without a word, he supported me and  stuck to online work. Our plan was for him to tend to our needs and maintain the house, cook, etc. In other words, he does the job of a typical wife and mom + plus he drives and does everything else for us.

I earn 10 times what he is earning so I guess I am the bread winner. Kaso lang si hubs he is not so good with being organized so he did not have a system kaya minsan talaga things are started but not finished.

Sometimes, I'd go home to a disheveled house. Most of the time we eat out na lang [textspeak!] he was not able to cook. So I would ask him what he does with his time and then I (angrily) suggest how he should do things tapos we fight.

Pero I also realize that he is an amazing father and husband. He is not lazy, he is just not that organized. Nagagalit sya minsan pero [textspeak!] sobra din ako mag nag pag minsan. So it dawned on me to get a part time maid para wala ng away, may quality time pa kami.

He will start working August this yr. Same salary rate so, dalawa na ulet kme this time.

I guess what I am trying to say is: find your partner's strength and let the small things go. Sometimes we have to choose between spending a bit more money + getting more quality time or having a hefty saving account + stress.