I just dont understand...

[akthung]

goes both ways

[Paulo]

Charge it Human Nature. And as discussed by the men here, it's not exclusively a dude err, Super Power.

Now why is it that while there are guys who cheat there are other guys who don't? Meaning, it's not really Nature but rather a conscious choice to cheat and/or to stay loyal.

Being married myself, I believe it's a conscious choice. But cheating isn't the conscious choice but rather the Staying Loyal Part.

My point is, in most cases men would more likely cheat given the opportunity, the right temptation and timing. Throw in the lamest reason that sounds acceptable enough and there you go!

Some men are stronger though and can fight the urge for one reason or another not all of them involves the wife stabbing them as they sleep. But are they really better? Maybe. But another term we could use here is "Lucky".

. Tingin ko one aspect that is lacking sa mga nagchicheat is respect. Respect for themselves and especially for their partners for doing what they do.

Yup. And that is why it is Respect for their Partners that is highly considered by men when they start denying the affair.

What about Respect for themselves?

I think most men can live with a little disrespect when they're the ones doing the disrespecting and it involves a nice, shapely chick.

All in all, Cheating is an age-old problem and there's probably a good explanation to a particular person's disloyalty. But not one that explains the whole Phenomenon.

[momentum]

sorry if off topic but I just gotta say..

^ Welcome back! Paulo! 

[wanderinggirl]

This is true. for them, having sex to other girls outside their relationship boost their ego. Sex is just a play for them. magkaiba daw tawag ng ulo sa baba kaysa sinasabi ng puso nila. so they can actually have sex to girls they dont really love or they didnt have any emotional attachment.

Same is true for girls. Just like you louise1. Right?

[paper_doll]

Maraming answers sa tanong na why do men cheat. Pero I definitrly agree with Paulo. If some will not cheat ever, then kaya naman pala diba? The bull reason na "lalaki lang ako" only idiots would believe that.

At meron din naman na girls na plain malalandi. No reason para ijustify din yung acts nila. Pero "kadalasan" when a girl is cheating, out of loneliness or to fill in the void because their partner is taking them for granted.

Nevertheless, cheating signifies lack of respect for your partner. Leave them if you can't stay loyal. Ganon lang kasimple.

[juni]

Some guys feel a sense of validation when they cheat, especially if the girl or girls he cheats with are younger, prettier, sexier than his wife/girlfriend.  It gives their ego a boost, it's like a pat on the back telling them that they've still got it, that they're gwapo, or macho, or a smooth operator, etc.  For some, it gives them a sense of power, yung feeling na they've got a hold over more than one woman.  Yung iba naman ang feeling nila e brilliant sila, lalo na when they cheat with other women na hindi sila nahuhuli or pinaghihinalaan ng wife/girlfriend nila.  There are guys who think that having other women elevates their status, especially among guys their age.  It's just sad and infuriating na maraming nasasaktan and naaapektuhan because of cheating, lalo na yung children.

[Queen Chokolah]

For me, pag nag cheat ang isang tao, ibig sabihin lang nun hindi niya ganun kamahal ang partner niya. At pag pinatawad at tinanggap pa sya ng partner niya (lalo na bf/gf pa lang), perhaps di rin sya ganun kamahal ng partner niya?

Idk ha, pero kasi, ako, hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kaya na makita, ma imagine, o malaman na may ibang hinahawakan, hinahalikan, nagugustuhan o kahit simpleng flirt flirt lang ang partner ko. Masyado ko syang mahal para kayanin yun. Sa panaginip pa nga lang sobrang ang sama2 na ng feeling pag napapaniginipan kong may iba syang babae. Siguro masyado lang akong selosa, pero hindi talaga pwede sakin yan. Better na maghiwalay na lang. Before my bf cheats, he should be prepared first to lose me. Because the moment he cheats, I'm out of his life. Hinding hinding hindi ko na sya tatanggapin ulit. Malinaw samin yang dalawa. Lalo na he has a history of cheating sa past relationships nya. So far, kami pa rin naman. wala pang cheating incident. At sure ako dyan.

Yung kasabihan na "once a cheater, always a cheater", slight lang ang paniniwala ko dyan. If he cheated in his past relationships, it's not your problem. Wala ka pa sa buhay niya nun. Bakit mo iintindihin yun? Ibig sabihin lang nun hindi niya ganun kamahal yung ex niya. We cannot say "nagawa niya sa iba, magagawa niya din sayo yun", wag naman namin tanggalan ng karapatan yung tao para magbago.

Pero if he cheated ON YOU, then "once a cheater, always a cheater" applies.

[zarazan]

^I kinda agree with Queen Chokolah here. Even if many people say that we shouldn't connect LOVE and SEX with guys, kasi sex for them is just sex... if they love their partners, matatabunan ng love and respect yung libog eh.

Pero if ever naman a guy cheats later on, it doesn't mean they didn't love you before. Siguro nabawasan? Compared sa dati na super intense love pa nila kayo kaya they wouldn't even dare cheat on you. The days when a guy cheats is when he is getting confuse or nagfafade na.

[Girltalker2]

^ Kahit mahal ng guy yung wife nya, puede parin sya magcheat. Kung mahina sya and di malabanan ang mga temptations around him, he can still cheat.  Pero baka konsyensyahin sya kaya di madalas. Pero yung patuloy na nag-ch-cheat, again, merong hubbies gumagawa nyan pero mahal pa DAW nila ang asawa nila. Pero in these instances, mas mahal nila ang sarili nila kesa sa asawa nila.  Selfish at self centered.

[Queen Chokolah]

Hmm.. siguro nga. Kung once lang acceptable pa na talagang nagkamali lang o nadala. bsta walang emotions involved ha. Pero yung inulit pa? Or Habitual n? Ibang usapan na yun.

Yup pwedeng Mahal niya naman talaga before and nabawasan na yung love nung nag cheat na sya.. pero just the same, hindi niya na ganun ka love ang partner niya.

[confusedgirl2014]

Sorry, I realize that I might have diverted the discussion to another direction.

To answer the threadstarter's question ... well, that's just the way it is with cheaters.  Some people - both men AND women - just have a different way of handling temptations when already committed.

If being faithful was such an easy thing to accomplish, then absolutely nobody will cheat.

Parang mo na rin tinanong kung bakit may corrupt na pulitiko when nanumpa naman sila sa taumbayan na maglilingkod sila ng tapat.

Saw ur a guytalker. Need advice from a guy. Does it mean guys will still continue to cheat even if they found the one? I got engaged 2 wks ago and i dont know if i really want to marry him. I love him but i caught him up before with other girls. It was more than once.

[Mr.Punch]

^Some guys will, some guys will not.  You can't generalize.  You seem to have said "yes" with still unresolved feelings.  You have 2 options:

1.  Continue with the engagement, marry him and hope for the best; or

2.  Break off the engagement and ask for more time. 

Do keep in mind that #2 rarely happens and breaking off an engagement usually results to breaking off the relationship completely.  You need to ask yourself what you really want.  Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him no matter what happens?  Or do you want someone whom you could better trust?  If you don't see that in him, then why stay, right?

Marriage is a big deal.  And there's no divorce in the Philippines yet.  Pag-isipan mo nang mabuti yan.

[confusedgirl2014]

^Some guys will, some guys will not.  You can't generalize.  You seem to have said "yes" with still unresolved feelings.  You have 2 options:

1.  Continue with the engagement, marry him and hope for the best; or

2.  Break off the engagement and ask for more time. 

Do keep in mind that #2 rarely happens and breaking off an engagement usually results to breaking off the relationship completely.  You need to ask yourself what you really want.  Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him no matter what happens?  Or do you want someone whom you could better trust?  If you don't see that in him, then why stay, right?

Marriage is a big deal.  And there's no divorce in the Philippines yet.  Pag-isipan mo nang mabuti yan.

Is cheating an ordinary thing for guys to do? Have you done that? What i mean is... Do you still have the same relationship with your girlfriends in case they caught you. Girls do have this instinct power to know if their bf is cheating but they usually keep mum about it. Its kinda hard to open up with my bf regards to that issue. Hes avoiding it and telling me he doesnt want me to nag about this cheating issue. Cant do about it, but i hve this feeling that im just waiting to burst all the hurts im feeling right now. He would tell me he loves me very much but i dont know if its true. Its easy tp say i love you. Im not sure if marriage will resolve our issues.

[Mr.Punch]

Is cheating an ordinary thing for guys to do?....

Ang kulit.  Kasasabi ko lang you can't generalize eh.  There are women who cheat and there are women who don't.  There are men who cheat and there are men who don't.  What part of that is not clear to you?

Your bf cheated on you.  That's all you need to be concerned about.  Huwag mo na usisain ang faithfulness ng lahat ng kalalakihan dahil wala namang maitutulong yun sa problema mo.  If you keep insisting on asking the wrong question, hindi ka talaga makaka-move on.

=====

The thing you have to ask yourself is what do you really want for yourself?

If you're not happy with his cheating background then why stay?  (And more importantly, why did you say "yes" to his proposal?)

Again, huwag mo na pahabain ang usapan by dwelling on why men in general cheat.  Kahit 50 years hindi matatapos ang usapan kung yan ang lagi mong itatanong.

If you need to burst, then burst.  Tell him exactly what you think.  Wala siyang karapatang pigilan ka.  Wala siyang karapatang mag-demand na huwag ka mag-nag dahil hindi biro ang cheating at mahabang proseso ang healing niyan.  Hindi niya pwedeng isantabi at sabihing "kalimutan na lang natin".

It's never a good thing to plunge into marriage with unresolved issues.  If you're brave enough, then it's clear what you need to do.

==========

Now, if you're the stereotypical subservient Pinay, then do nothing.  Marry him and just repress your worries.  Good luck with that.

[Girltalker2]

Does it mean guys will still continue to cheat even if they found the one?

Tama si Mr Punch. you cannot generalize.  Some will and some won't. The mature ones may not for fear of losing their better half.  While the ones who are not yet ready but thought they are will.  Since they think they can get away with it anyway, so just have all the girls beside them, that way it will be convenient.

I got engaged 2 wks ago and i dont know if i really want to marry him. I love him but i caught him up before with other girls. It was more than once.

Loving a person does not mean you should marry him. You can still take some more time (postpone your wedding) if you are willing to wait. Hindi naman purkit postponed, hindi na kayo ikakasal. Pero sa lahat ng situation na nakita ko - one rule applies in marrying. Never marry if you are not sure.  Especially sa Pinas. Otherwise, you are setting yourself up for a life in hell.

Im not sure if marriage will resolve our issues.

Never ko nakita na naging solution ang marriage sa problems ng magBF.  In fact, by default, sabi nga nila, expect things will get worse once you get married.  That way, you won't be disappointed.

Is cheating an ordinary thing for guys to do?

Yes, selfish immature guys do.  Yung walang ibang inintindi kundi sarili nila. At walang pakialam kung ano man ang maramdaman ng ibang tao.

But for the ones who really love you and are ready to be committed, No, it is not normal.  They will hesitate to cheat since they don't want to hurt you. At least IMO.

Do you still have the same relationship with your girlfriends in case they caught you. Girls do have this instinct power to know if their bf is cheating but they usually keep mum about it. Its kinda hard to open up with my bf regards to that issue. Hes avoiding it and telling me he doesnt want me to nag about this cheating issue.

Sis, it depends on the GF kasi. Sa Pinas, most women are more forgiving kasi it is in the skewed culture of accepting it.  Ang mantra nga ng mga matatanda is sayo naman umuuwi so anong nirereklamo mo, or ikaw naman pinili at pinakasalan so magpasalamat ka na. But really, tama nga ba ito?  Hindi eh. Sa ibang bansa, GFs and wives won't take that crap from anyone.

Sorry sis ha, pero based on your story, kung ikaw ay younger sister ko or anak ko, I will not hesitate to break off your engagement with your fiance. Kawawa ka lang. Ako mismo sasapak pa sa kanya.  And worse part? Umiiwas pa sa usapan. So ano yun, iwan nalang dyan sa tabi at huwag na iresolve kahit hindi ka matahimik?

[purplegravity]

This is just my opinion.

Boys will be boys.  Im sure only few boys will really be faithful.  Once or more than once in their lifetime they're gonna cheat. Yung mga girls naman ang partly may kasalanan din, kungdi sila pumapatol sa may boyfriend or asawa na, walang magchicheat.

Most of us will give another chance, minsan nga more than once pa.  Syempre, sa una you'll think baka ikaw yung may pagkukulang so you'll try to patch things up. If there is a second incident, its up to you to decide.  You have to outweigh the good and the bad.  If your relationship is worth fighting for, and you are not the only one making the efforts then go on. Know if he makes you more happier or miserable when you're together.

Kung may pangatlo pang chance, ibang usapan na yon. You have to leave the relationship

Lastly, you are the only one who can make decision for yourself.  Dont think of other people because in the end, its your life. Sometimes we are asking for an answer to a question that we already knew the answer.

Learn when to stay or to let go.

[Pink_Sugar]

In my experience, na feel ko na sobrang mahal at na pamper ako ng bf ko, 11 years bf-gf na kami this year, at pareho naming first ang isa'-isa.
Nung early stages of relationship namin highschool pa sya nun at ako naman eh college na, may mga incidents na nag cheat sya at ang tagal ko maka move on, kahit na textmates lang nya or nakaka date, pero na realized ko after ilang years na siguro bata pa bf ko nun, immature pa. Halos araw araw kaming magkasama till last year na. Naging ldr kami for 1 year. Ayun nahuli ko may gf sa training pero mostly eh sa text lang sila kasi may asawa at anak yung girl kaya bawal sila magdisplay kasi yung hisband ni girl eh andun din sa training. Hindi ko maisip na magawa ni bf yun kasi sobra sobra ang ibinibigay nya sa akin at feel ko ang love and care nya for me. Pero nung na discover ko para akong naging monster. LOL. Binantaan ko si bf na pag di nya binigay sa akin number at complete name nung babae eh tatawagan ko sa workplace si girl. Ayun binigay naman ni bf kasi wala na sya lusot, napapagdikit dikit ko na mga pang yayari. Pero I guess wala pang malalim na nangyari or dipa sila close ni girl kaya ako pa rin ang pinili nya. Ang rason nya kung bakit nya nagawa yun eh gawa ng pagkukulang ko sa kanya na ang tagal daw nya nag effort sa akin pero parang diko daw sya nakikita or naghihintay lang sya na magkamali sya para ako ang magtapos ng relasyon namin at kesyo mas mabait daw yung babae sa akin. Sabi ko "natural na mabait sayo yung babae kasi ang haba ng hair nya may nagkagusto sa kanya na single na lalaki at syempre type ka non!".
Nag ka ayos naman ulit kami ni bf after ko makausap yung babae, at na feel ko na sincere naman yung babae na nahingi ng sorry. Si bf eh naramdaman ko naman na sobrang napahiya sa ginawa nya at nagsisisi rin. Kahit halos lahat ng mga kaibigan ko eh sinabing hiwalayan ko na raw kaso sa isip at puso ko mas kilala ko ang bf ko kesa sa kanila at hindi joke ang 11 years na pinagsamahan namin, alam kong naging masaya at love namin sa long years na yun. Nakipag break ako ng saglit pero nalulungkot ako kapag naiisip ko na alam kong naging mabuting bf naman sya at naiisip ko yung nga magagandang bagay na ginawa nya sa akin, gugustuhin ko ng maging selfish na dapat ako lang at sa akin lang nya gawin yun kaya binawi ko pakikipag break ko sa kanya. Kasi for sure maiinggit ako pag nagka gf na sya ng bago. Sobrang hoping naman sya na sana di kami magbreak kasi hindi naman daw talaga yungg iniisip ko ang nangyari sa kanila ni girl, puro texts at work ang usap nila which i doubt din kasi babe at nag i love u na sila sa isa't isa. Pero pag naiisip ko nanaman yung sweetness nila, nanggagalaiti ako. Haha
Ngayon mas naging sweet at caring ako kay bf at feel ko happy rin naman si bf at nag stay pa rin ako.
Hay sana hindi na ulit kami maging ldr kasi hidi kami sanay... Pero bakit ako hindi naman ako nagloko ano eh solo lang din naman ako. Hehe

[eleine26]

Pero bakit ako hindi naman ako nagloko ano eh solo lang din naman ako. Hehe

nabasa ko din dito sa GT ito "girls cheat when there's something wrong in their relationship, guys cheat when there's an opportunity."

LDR kayo ni bf, may girl dun na flirt. kaya nangyari ang cheating di ba. pero ciempre mali yun. wala naman valid reasons ang cheating eh. sabi mo nga ikaw nakaya mo naman na solo at hinde ka naman nagloko.

stop questioning yourself kung bakit niya nagawa yun or ano mga pagkukulang mo. kasi kahit meron man. hinde solution ang cheating. pinag uusapan dapat yun.

pray ka lang sis na sana nga hinde na ulet mangyari ganyan incident. trust him kahit na mahirap gawin kasi nga may bahid na eh. pero malay mo naman magbago na talaga siya.

[happilytaken2]

This is totally off topic but since the thread title read "I just don't understand....." here I go.

I just don't understand why women don't respect other women's relationship.

Ok maybe not so off topic kasi ang mistresses walang respeto sa mga legal gf/wives.

[Girltalker2]

This is totally off topic but since the thread title read "I just don't understand....." here I go.

I just don't understand why women don't respect other women's relationship.

Ok maybe not so off topic kasi ang mistresses walang respeto sa mga legal gf/wives.

Sis, napansin ko laganap iyan sa mga mistresses. Kaya nga sila naging mistress.  Kaso IMO, ang mga Pinoy kasi, relative to other nationalities (tingnan nyo mga Japanese), in general (hindi lahat pero majority), walang respeto sa kapwa. Kaya asar ako.



^^ sis pink_sugar, halos pareho pala ang nakaraan natin, at least during my BF/GF days sa ex hubby ko. kwento ko lang.

In my experience, na feel ko na sobrang mahal at na pamper ako ng bf ko, 11 years bf-gf na kami this year, at pareho naming first ang isa'-isa.

Samin din sis, more than 10 years kami mag GF/BF. First everything and noong araw, di uso ang PMS, kaya, first encounter namin talaga during our wedding night.

And yes, he treated me so well. Lagi sya nasa tabi ko, hatid sundo, ayaw nya ako magc-commute, or mag isang lalabas. Lagi nyako sinasamahan sa errands ko, sumasalo ng mga problema ko, etc.

Nung early stages of relationship namin highschool pa sya nun at ako naman eh college na, may mga incidents na nag cheat sya at ang tagal ko maka move on,

Ang pagkapareho satin sis, we were young yung naging kami. Highschool palang kami. That's why 10+ years ang inantay namin before kami nagpakasal.

But ang pagkakaiba satin, my ex hubby never cheated on me nung BF/GF palang kami until bago kami ikasal (na hindi ako aware). But as I was told, nung engaged palang kami, a couple of months before the wedding, that was the time he met the mistress.  Pero sabi nya wala naman nangyari, gumaan lang ang loob nya sa girl. In the end, kaya pinili parin nya magpakasal sakin because of our 10+ years relationship over a few months "kausap" daw with the girl. At this point, I just took his kwento na totoo. Pag iisipin mo nga naman, before the wedding, hindi pa kami nagiging intimate, so I assume, sila hindi pa?  Or baka puede nagawa na nila at hindi lang nya sakin inamin.

Halos araw araw kaming magkasama till last year na. Naging ldr kami for 1 year.

Ayan, months before the wedding, I was assigned abroad for training kasi. Pero scheduled balik ko naman is a couple of months after the wedding. So during my training, I was shuttling back and forth Manila for the wedding preps and para makasama sya. Every 2 weeks ang uwi ko sa Manila.

And I suppose, possible din nga ang LDR ang cause. Pero you see, nasa character ng lalaki iyan. Kung bibigay sila o hindi. In my ex hubby's case, bumigay sya.

After namin ikasal, he tried daw umiwas.  Sa office nya nameet yung babae, kaya sya lumipat ng work. And yet maybe the temptation was just always there as there were 2 willing parties.  I tried to make the marriage work for over 10 years.  Pero di talaga mawalay ang kabit, kaya ako ang nag give up.

Ngayon mas naging sweet at caring ako kay bf at feel ko happy rin naman si bf at nag stay pa rin ako.
Hay sana hindi na ulit kami maging ldr kasi hidi kami sanay... Pero bakit ako hindi naman ako nagloko ano eh solo lang din naman ako. Hehe

Hay naku, ako din. Kahit na iyak ako ng iyak, nung kami pa, pag andyan sya parang normal lang ang lahat at mas naging sweet and caring ako, kahit na sobrang sakit ang nararamdaman ko, sinasarili ko lang.

Hanggang in the end hindi ko rin nakayanan. How I wish I knew what happened before kami kinasal. How I wish he knew what to do (pinostpone sana nya ang wedding at di naman pala sya sure) and How I wish I knew what to do din the moment I found out (after several months na kaming kasal nun).   But lahat iyan, hindi namin alam. We were young. We were sheltered and naive to succumb to our emotions, without objectively looking at our situation.

Looking at the topic.. "I just dont understand..." 

Talagang hindi natin minsan maintindihan ang takbo ng utak at emotions ng ibang tao.  Pero what makes the big difference is the sincerity and honesty of both parties in the relationship if they are willing to make it work pa o hindi.