BEING A "MISTRESS"

[hisana]

^ Wala bang ibang suitor? Sayang! Take advantage lang ng mga predators.

Eh bakit naman kasi nagpa-"take advantage" din yung girl. It takes two to tango. Alam nya ginagawa nya; she is not some innocent, underaged girl. In a way, pwede rin natin sabihin that the girl is also a predator -- out to ruin the marriages of others.

Sorry, wala talaga akong sympathy sa mga katulad ng ganito. When I was younger, may mga nagpaparamdam din sa akin na married guys. I got gifts, declarations of love, all kinds of pambobola, etc. Pero tinanggihan ko yun. Kung kaya ko yun, kaya din ng iba. Pero choice nila na pasukin yung ganyan na situation, nobody put a gun to their heads and I'm sure they've been warned heavily enough. So, kung ano man consequences ng actions nila, if any, then they have nobody else to blame but themselves.

[latte]

I have been in a "mistress" situation years and years ago. I was so naive in knowing that I was into it na. We were friends for a very long time and never Kong naisip na puede palang magkaroon ng malice. He was 15 yrs older than me. Sa kanya ako nagcoconfide ng lahat ng bagay bagay sa buhay ko lalo na sa lovelife. He is an active member of their church. I respected him so much and trusted him too. Until one day I felt na iba na yung dating ng pakikipagkaibigan Nya sa akin.  I just ignored that feeling and continue the friendship, Pero Hindi ko Alam na nahuhulog na pala ako. Until yes we had the relationship BUT we both know that it was very very wrong so we agreed that we have to end it ASAP. Mahirap Pero we have to. Mahirap in a way na kasi close friends na kami for a very long time, stopping the relationship means stopping the friendship as well. We failed on our first attempt to stop it. Nalaman ng wife Nya and sinabihan sya na lalayasan sya if he will do it again. Ofcourse natakot sya and ayaw namin parehas mangyari yun. Being two imperfect humans it was so hard to resist the temptation, nasa I isang office Lang kami and can see each other everyday if we want to. Until it came to a point when the office where we both work offered an early retirement. I was still young then Pero because of that affair I chose to avail the offer. I chose to sacrifice my career kasi I know that it was the only way for me para magawa Kong tapusin ang relasyon. We both availed the offer, the difference is sya was of age na sort of to avail the early retirement samantalang ako nagsisimula pa Lang and I have more room for growth in that company had I stayed. But I was so sure that my career is just secondary to my whole being. Parang eh Ano kung mawalan ako ng career kesa naman masira ang buong buhay ko because of that wrong relationship. So all in all that illicit affair of ours only lasted for around 8months. AND NO nothing happened to us, we came to a point where we are on the brink of it like we were in a place where we can do it if we want to but I still manage to think right at that time. Since then which is 13 years ago Hindi na kami nagkita. Although we communicated pa thru text  pa after that Pero yung last na nagkabalitaan  kami was 10 years ago na. Looking back I would say na I am proud of myself and of him. Dahil lahat ng Tao may kanya kanyang trials and I consider that as one but we manage to still choose the right path. I learned tons of lessons from that experience.

Lesson learned:
HINDI DAPAT NAKIKIPAG CLOSE ANG MGA BABAE SA MGA LALAKE NA MARRIED.
WALANG PUEDENG MAKAKAPAGSABI NA ANG ISANG PAGKAKAIBIGAN WILL JUST BE PLAIN FRIENDSHIP NGA LANG.
HINDI DAPAT NAGIGING COUNSELLOR NG ISANG BABAE ANG ISANG LALAKE LALO NA AT MARRIED PA. AND VICE VERSA.

Fast forward you maybe thinking if I have a successful relationship after, NO, I decided to separate from my husband when I discovered that he has another woman. I did not give him a chance but it's all because what my husband did was totally different from what my ex did to his wife. Yung ex ko kahit kelan sa naging relasyon namin Hindi nagkaroon ng lokohan in a way na nag promise na may future kami and all while yung asawa ko did not say to his other woman na married sya. Alam Kong lahat ng Tao ay nagkakamali BUT palaging may choice to change. My husband and his kabit had an on and off relationship for 8 long years. Kaya Based on that Hindi ko nakita na nag exert nga sya ng effort to change.

Lesson learned:
KAHIT GAANO PA KALANDI NG ISANG BABAE KUNG MAY MATINONG PAG-IISIP ANG ISANG LALAKENG MAY ASAWA HINDI PA DIN SILA MAGKAKAROON NG RELASYON.
PARA SA AKIN, KAHIT NOONG HINDI KO PA NADIDISCOVER ANG OTHER WOMAN NG ASAWA KO I ALWAYS BELEIVE NA HINDI DAPAT YUNG OTHER WOMAN ANG KINOCONFRONT KUNDI YUNG ASAWANG LALAKI MISMO.

Masasabi ko bang KARMA played its role sa buhay ko? Maybe YES but since I have exerted much effort to end the wrong realtionship, I would say I did my part Kaya yun pagka discover ko na May babae ang asawa ko although masakit Pero it did not break me. Never Kong naramdaman yung naramdaman nun ibang asawang babae who discovered betrayal na feeling nila ang pangit pangit nila or ang taba taba nila. No I was even thankful that I have discovered that and most of all I know in my heart that it was indeed a blessing to me. God knows how much emotions and hard work ang ininvest ko sa sa marriage namin for it to work but hanggang doon Lang talaga kami. Naniniwala din ako sa destiny and Wala akong regret for anything.

Sorry ang haba ng post ko, I hope my story will somehow enlightened other people.
 

[momentum]

^thanks for sharing your story sis. madami mapupulot from it

[kaiz]

my dad married his kabit my dad was a certified womanizer. nakailang mistresses din sya. growing up, normal na lagi na wala lagi pag gabi. but after my graduation, hindi na totally umuwi my dad sa mom ko, filed for annulment and married the kabit. sad lang ako kasi yung kabit, now his wife, hindi man lang na guilty and she gets jealous sa closeness namin ng dad ko. i know kasi na nabasa ko text messages nya before sa dad ko. she wants na yung mga kinukwento ko sa dad ko dapat ikwento din sa kanya

[j.adore]

Eto talaga yun eh

Lesson learned:
HINDI DAPAT NAKIKIPAG CLOSE ANG MGA BABAE SA MGA LALAKE NA MARRIED.
WALANG PUEDENG MAKAKAPAGSABI NA ANG ISANG PAGKAKAIBIGAN WILL JUST BE PLAIN FRIENDSHIP NGA LANG.
HINDI DAPAT NAGIGING COUNSELLOR NG ISANG BABAE ANG ISANG LALAKE LALO NA AT MARRIED PA. AND VICE VERSA.

Lesson learned:
KAHIT GAANO PA KALANDI NG ISANG BABAE KUNG MAY MATINONG PAG-IISIP ANG ISANG LALAKENG MAY ASAWA HINDI PA DIN SILA MAGKAKAROON NG RELASYON.
PARA SA AKIN, KAHIT NOONG HINDI KO PA NADIDISCOVER ANG OTHER WOMAN NG ASAWA KO I ALWAYS BELEIVE NA HINDI DAPAT YUNG OTHER WOMAN ANG KINOCONFRONT KUNDI YUNG ASAWANG LALAKI MISMO.

[patchuchai]

Ok mga sis, here's my situation im 42 my guy is 60 years old na. He was married pero naghiwalay din sila becoz may second party, he got the girl pregnant so sila nagsama. Then after 12years nag change ng religion si girl so naghiwalay sila, sinabihan pa niya na bumalik na siya sa wife, kaso ano pang babalikan niya kasi matagal ng wala sila at ayaw na ni wife. So we met, umpisa pa lang he was honest naman. Kahit mahal niya ako at gustong pakasalan hindi puwede. He doesnt havd the money for annullment. He is now my bf and yes something happened. Honest din siya na if ever makahanap ako he is lettingme go kasi nga hndi niya kayang mabigay marriage.

[mysterioza_me]

Kahit mahal niya ako at gustong pakasalan hindi puwede. He doesnt havd the money for annullment. He is now my bf and yes something happened. Honest din siya na if ever makahanap ako he is lettingme go kasi nga hndi niya kayang mabigay marriage.

Eto talaga yun e, parang walang second chance sa walang pampa-annull. Sad life

[dismembered]

He doesnt havd the money for annullment. He is now my bf and yes something happened. Honest din siya na if ever makahanap ako he is lettingme go kasi nga hndi niya kayang mabigay marriage.

This means. Enjoy lang si lalake while it lasts! Mabuti ng meron kahit hindi permanent kesa wala. Why stay kung alam mong walang future?

[patchuchai]

Kasi wala pa akong pampalit..lol. eto nga mahirap kapag reality sinks in.

[PINKAHOLIC]

Yes before pero di ako aware na married sya. Sabi nya kasi he's single.

[Girltalker2]

^ lying bastard. Dapat sa mga ganyan binibitay.

[PINKAHOLIC]

Nakipaghiwalay nga ako agad nung malaman ko atleast that time wala pa kaming isang buwan. Akalain ko ba kasi na ganun e parehas kami student. Ang masakit pa pati mga tito nya at pamangkin na kaibigan ko din naman at kapitbahay di man lang sinabi sakin na hes married at may anak na. Ngayon im happily married at bigla na naman sya umeeksena sa fb na gusto makipagbalikan dahil iniwan na daw nya ang family nya (nag change name ako sa fb para di na nya ako mahanap dati pero nahanap parin nya ko) So dedma ko nalang sya. After a month, nalaman ko na may gf na sya hahaha. Ewan ko lang kung anong karma ang mangyayari sa kanya sa pag iwan nya sa family nya.

[hypergalactix13]

nawweirdohan ako sa common statements like "hindi nyo lang alam kung anong pakiramdam maging isang kabit." or "wala kasi kayo sa sitwasyon, maiintindihan nyo lang kung naranasan nyo na."

kung ako ang legal na asawa at may mistress ang asawa ko, does it mean kelangan ko siyang unawain? maybe it's a different issue. anyway, if i turned the table the other way around at 'yung mga kabit ang nasa sapatos ng mga legal na misis, masasabi pa rin kaya nila yung mga linyang sinabi ko sa taas?

complicated matter. hehe.

[IamMarieLove]

While reading I remembered this line “Mistresses Play, Men Stray, The Wives Stay”. It somehow true naman. I don't condemn them naman kasi it's not all their fault. I mean the husband and the wife have their fair share of the ordeal naman kaya hindi lahat ng blame kay mistress mapunta. So bottom-line, meddling in others affairs is not morally accepted but let's not stigmatized those who are in such ordeal. They have reasons and no matter what reasoning they have, it deserves to be respected. In time they will realize their worth and that they don't deserve being the second best.

[Shadow Angel]

^respect hmm ewan ko lang kung masabi mo ang word na yan kapag sayo nangyari. Until marealized nila na mali un nagawa nila paano naman un pamilyang nawasak kapag ang trust nawala na kahit pa hindi naghiwalay ang mag asawa forever un nasa isip ng wife. Minsan kahit alam na mali hindi lang morally ha binigyan pa rin ng justisfaction bakit nagawa un. Hindi ko sinasabi hindi ako nagkakamali pero un alam mo may asawa papatulan ewan ko na lang kung anong isip at damdamin meron sila. May asawa ka na ba? Pero kahit siguro wala bf/gf pa lang kapag nag ka 3rd party baka nga kaya mo magbigay ng respect dun sa umagaw sa bf at sa bf mo mismo bibilib ako sayo kapag nagawa mo irespeto sila kahit niloko ka. Lalo na siguro kung si 3rd party ang pinili. Sorry pero nakakataas ng kilay na ang wife pa ang kailangan mag adjust at rumespto para sa kabit samantalang si kabit nga walang respeto sa sarili, sa kapwa at sa pamilyang kanya sisirain.

[lisse]

As someone whose marriage ended up in a divorce because of mistresses, I'm sorry pero they or their decisions do not get my respect. It's not to be given, it's to be earned. And I don't think willingly entering a relationship knowing na madaming masasaktan, or choosing to stay despite knowing the fact, eh hindi karespe-respeto. It's wrong! Law says it's wrong, the bible says it's wrong, so I don't think it's right to justify that. The blame is not on the mistresses alone, true, but really? They're not the victims here. They have a choice. And what about me? The legal wives? Don't our feelings count? Should be respected more than those of the mistresses? Kami na nga inagawan, Kami pa ang rerespeto? Over naman yan. Sorry pero kahit okay na ko eh I can't help but uminit ulo. My dad also had mistresses pero nasalba marriage nila ni mommy. Martir yon eh saka 3 na kaming anak nila. Ako, nunca! Lalo at wala kaming anak. And I know for a fact na wala akong pagkukulang sa ex ko. Dahil when asked why he did what he did, ano sinagot niya samin? He just got bored saw kasi night shift siya sa work.

[hypergalactix13]

^agreeable! besides malinaw pa sa sikat ng araw na kasama sa 10 commandments yung "huwag kang makikiapid sa hindi mo asawa" diba?

[Girltalker2]

I mean the husband and the wife have their fair share of the ordeal naman kaya hindi lahat ng blame kay mistress mapunta.

The Mistress and Husband are to blame. Dalawa silang selfish, walang hiya (literally).

So bottom-line, meddling in others affairs is not morally accepted but let's not stigmatized those who are in such ordeal.

Sis, which ordeal are you talking about? Na mahirap din maging kabit? Eh di huwag maging kabit, di ba?
Di naman siguro sya kinulong at pinosasan na di sya makaalis.

They have reasons and no matter what reasoning they have, it deserves to be respected.

Sorry sis, can't help but comment on this. A person who is bastos to others at walang kinikilala kundi sarili nya at landian ang asawa ng iba doesn't deserve any respect. In fact, they deserve to be ostracised. Sana nga we have a law similar to Muslim countries na once malaman kabit ka, you will be stripped in public and stoned to death. Isama mo na si husband na putulan. tingnan lang natin if anyone dares to have an extra marital affair.

[IamMarieLove]

Hi Po, Sorry po if my point sounded offensive on your part. I understand and respect po your views and feelings. I just can't get this off my mind po. I believe kasi po na the better way to let go and be free is to forgive those who cause you pain and hurt. I'm not saying po na forgive agad kahit naman siguro ako hindi ko mapapatawad husband / bf ko pag nagloko pero siguro I'll pray na sana mawala na yong galit ko and someday I'll learn to forgive them para wala ng hang ups sa future ko. Sa side naman po ng mga other women, siguro dapat silang ipag.pray para marealize nila ang mali nila. Thank you po sa answers niyo napapalakaw noon ang understanding ko.

[Girltalker2]

I believe kasi po na the better way to let go and be free is to forgive those who cause you pain and hurt.

True. Point taken. You can forgive naman, but not forget. You can forgive the specific kabit that destroyed your family and your life. Lalo pa kung pinagsisisihan nila yun.

Pero how can you forgive someone who doesn't even think he/she has done wrong? Then pa tuloy parin sila?

Then for the sake of the Wife, the Wife can only start forgiving once she moves on... Leave the relationship. One can always forgive eventually but it doesn't mean you will accept kabit and extra marital arrangements with open arms, di ba? Salot sila sa lipunan. In fact, if you can forgive, what if Kung sa anak mo na babae nangyari iyan, I really doubt you can ever forgive the guy and the kabit. Baka makapatay ka pa.